Starting over with a new thread because I feel so bad for the way things went yesterday. I will NOT be taking DD to see OC. I was still in shock and was still not seeing OW as WH's active A partner. I was so used to thinking of her as just OC's mama that I was not thinking. When I saw the words Fbuddy in writing I burst into tears. Finally, finally the shock was over and I understood.

Folks, it really is too much, too far, too late. I am calling my attorney today. I will be the wheels back in motion. WH has no clue and I do not care to tell him. He is no longer my problem. It will be me protecting my kids and my own heart from this day forward. I do not think my H is wanting to change. Yes, God can do miracles but you have to be a willing participant. I do not believe he is. I do believe he will regret his choices but that is not my problem.

Again, I am sorry about people arguing over me.

BTW, I finally read my thread (it was late when I got home last night). I love you all!!!

Faithful,

You made a strong decision re: DD visiting OC. I'm so proud of you!

Just to say again, gently, quietly - you have nothing to be sorry for. We weren't arguing over you. More like presenting arguments FOR consideration and judgment.

We all get a new start today!

Sally

sweetie---we love you too!!!!!

{{{{{FF}}}}}}

No words. Just prayers.

*sigh*

sorry

I threw that bucket of ice cold truth ...

denial of reality would be worse in the long run .... but I'm sorry anyway

I got no joy from that .... none whatsoever

and

something I did not mention yesterday

if there ever comes a time for you to meet OC ... it should be done without your daughter present

because

you have no idea what your emotions will do if/when that time comes

your reaction could be uncontrollable weeping and renewed grief for the loss you suffered via the illness of your own son .... know what I mean?

to have that 1st encounter with your child present is not a good idea AT ALL

Pep, do you realize you have been with me nearly every step of the way this past year? I needed to see that. I know you got no pleasure from it. Thank you is the best I can do in return.

agreed.

Oh Faith, I am so very sorry. Since I was at home, i was not able to keep up at all with your other thread although i read enough to see that WH has been still actively being unfaithful.

it was only today that i read about your daughter and all the rest of it.

i have no other words to say other than i am so very sorry for your pain. i know how hard it was to read but i am very glad pep was able to throw that bucket of cold reality on you. you have done so much and then some to try to save this marriage. you have NOTHING to be sorry for or ashamed of. {{{{{FF}}}}}

FF, bless your heart. I think you're making the only sane choice.

Hey, the argument on your thread was the good kind. Felt quite the fool myself for not questioning the wisdom of that meeting. I'm glad Sgt. Pep arrived in her sparklin' jackboots and tiara.

GC

uhm, I know I'm way far away from this...and I would really believe your WH is up to no good... but, the OW, it really serves her purpose if she can get you to believe she and WH are getting it on... she knows your about to crumble, and then she can have 'her' man. Granted, I'd say take him, for what he's doing, but, alas, I know he's your H, and so hard to give up.

Hang in there.

You've been in prayers everynight FF (((HUGS))

Just sent a letter via fax to my attorney telling him to reopen my case and finish filing the D.

{{{{FF}}}}

I honestly think you are doing the right thing! His actions speak louder than any words right now!

I am reminded again that if a H won't date, won't make time for his W, won't meet her for lunch there are usually reasons.

It looks like you know the reasons now.

Someone on one of your threads said something like "my marriage could surrvive, but not recover." That's what was happening to yours.

It looks like to me that when there has been an A, and there is no recovery one does well to look for reasons why beyond just chalking it up to the personality of the WS.

I wish it had been otherwise for you.

You seem to be doing pretty good considering what you have learned in the past few days. I hope you take Pep up on her offer to meet in person, it will help you a great deal.

Remember, you can still make a good life for your children. I know God gives extra help when you have done all that you can, but WH won't repent. I am glad your son, and daughter have you for their mom.

I hope your MB name applies to how you follow God, because he will still bring you happiness if you follow him, no matter what your H does.

Be careful, get enough rest, and reassure your children often. Hard as it will be, they need you as their exammple.

I have faith in your ability to make this work. God bless you.

SS

Yes, SS that is what my MB name means. God gives me the strength to get up every day and face another round of this life. It will be a calm D. WH and I spoke today and he is happy to give me all I asked for the first time around. He just can't understand why he won't give her up. We agreed no more fighting and he will move out as soon as possible. We will work together to make this as easy for our kids as possible. Now that I know everything, that insatiable urge to control my life is better. You know those ridiculous cycles you get in one an action causes a reactin which cause the action.... That is the story of our M. Especially since the last A. Me knowing, just knowing something is not right and searching, crying, arguing, badgering all the wrong things for the BS to do and unable to control myself. Him unwilling to tell me the truth or let go of me. I want the D over quickly like a bandaid.

I hurt though. Very, very badly hurt.

On a sidebar, I'm not positive, but I am pretty sure that God never promises us happiness. Wouldn't that be just the best though...

It would be lovely but would we really want to miss out on the growth from the scars? I try to remember to thank Him for my scars from which I grew and I continue to grow. My trust in God is as big as my hurt.

Rook, I meant to thank you for your post. Everyone that has posted to me..if I missed you thanks! I feel cared for. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />