|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 174
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 174 |
We should really tell the children that he has a GF..that would be awful for them to hear and I know what you are going to say next...but it isnt awful that their family will be destroyed and everyone will be living separately.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
jh, yes, it will be awful for them to hear. Almost as awful to hear that their dad is leaving because nothing was ever done to bust up this affair. The truth is sometimes very damn awful, and they have a RIGHT to know what is going on in their own family. Kids can deal with the truth very well, they cannot deal well with lies and subterfuge.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 215
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 215 |
Yes, I'm sorry, but please don't wait to talk to family. I did (only days) because the worst had happened, the A was over and I was not interested at that time in saving my marriage. Call now before it's too late. It sounds like your MIL would be a great start as it seems she is there for you to lean on. Stop the ball from rolling on. Once you have her by your side, let her know your plans of exposure and I'm sure she will support you. You are acting with a genuine heart remember, not out of revenge.
WS: 37 BS: 36 "highschool sweethearts"
married 8/98
ds: 12/96 dd: 11/99 ds: 5/02
separated 4/04
A summer '04
D-Day: 9/8/2004
recovery begins 10/04
moves back in 11/04
OC born (girl) 4/05 (Legal C 8/05)
"Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives me something to do, but it gets me nowhere."
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247 |
Your stepkids are 14 and 10. They are not babies who won't understand.
Your husband needs to feel the pressure and consequences of his actions. Guess what? He's the bad guy. He gets the blame for it.
Why do you want to take any of that away from him?
You're gonna "nice" your way into a divorce.
Stop protecting him from his consequences. The faster he faces them the faster he will decide he doesn't like the situation he's creating.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 174
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 174 |
1. house is not on the market...he enquired to a realtor friend to see just what we could get...havent signed anything, no formal appraisal..nothing.
2. We have 3 children residing at home...our 4 year old son & his 2 children (10 & 14) from a previous marriage. So older two would be leaving w/ him & 4 year old w/ me. They are like my own children as they have lived in our home since they were 1 & 5..this would be devestating to them as our home is the only real home they have know..they have everything a child could want and I want it to stay that way.
3. I will call my MIL..I am currently at work and cannot leave (only one here today), Long Distance
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016 |
Either I lose him by exposing him
It'll definitely hit the fan when exposed, but it is not what will cause him to walk out.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
jh, if you are going to expose, please do it right and do it in a way that is not so hard on YOU. If you are going to expend the energy, please do it right.
By that, I mean don't do a little here, let things die down, do a little more, let things die down, etc, etc. It will never work for you that way. The best way to do it is to make a list of all exposure targets and call them in the SAME DAY. That way you have ONE explosion to deal with and will have maximized the impact of exposure.
Just exposing to ONE PERSON is not going to do much. It needs to be exposed to all key people, including his BOSS, especially his boss. Who are key people in his life to whom you should expose?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 174
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 174 |
ok then I better re-think how I am going to approach all of this..family will be the easiest but Boss..I see all these people on a daily basis.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247 |
Why? What more do you have to think about?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 174
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 174 |
we live a small town of 8200 people..I work for the same municipality, same building as H, OW, see Boss, etc. DAILY..I have to prepare myself for all the comments, rumors, back-stabbing, gossip...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247 |
You need to do less thinking and more doing.
Start taking some proACTIVE steps to protect your family. Now.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 174
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 174 |
That's me ... a thinker.
I will have to become...a Doer or I will lose everything that I hold sacred. You are right!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Jaded -
My WH and I worked together at the same place. By the time I found out, everyone there already knew and had been gossiping about it behind my back for months. He even had brought OW out to work several times.
OW is also our neighbor. So everyone in the neighborhood knew.
Also my husband's family and my stepkids knew.
It was very unpleasant at first, but I got through it just fine. You will too.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247 |
Backstabbing? (your H and OW have been doing that to you for years...)
Comments, Rumors, Gossip (think those aren't already happening? people aren't stupid...they see your H and OW)
You're already dealing with this on a daily basis. Why not start dealing with it on YOUR TERMS?
Stop finding excuses.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 174
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 174 |
Thank you for the encouragement
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 174
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 174 |
I hate it that you are all Right..I dont have any "outs" w/ any of you..
Well, that time again..have to close up the office for the day..but I will be on 1st thing in the a.m.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 174
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 174 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 174
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 174 |
I am going to call a MC today and make an appt. I dont know where to start...should I make the appt for both of us or just for myself? WH doesnt know I am calling, I am just going to make appt, let him know when it is and see what happens...Is this a good idea?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
No this is not a good idea. Most MC counseling is a waste of money while the affair is going on. You might try individual counseling though.
It doesn't take an expert to figure out what the problem is in your marriage. Your husband has another woman.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 174
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 174 |
thankyou for the advise..
in a letter my H wrote to me, that is what he said.."that if I wanted to go to MC he would but he already knows what they would say ..that your H is crazy"!
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
412
guests, and
102
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,035
| |
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|
