I haven't been posting here lately, not much left to say and I sure have no advice. But my update is that H finally agreed to meet with me at a local restaurant next Monday. It will be to discuss the dissolution of our marriage. I haven't seen him or heard his voice in 9 months and I am a total wreck. I know he is dead set on filing for divorce, but I am soooo afraid of breaking down in front of him and asking WHY WHY WHY ??? Need some moral support here. A friend will stay with me till he comes and another friend who he does not know will be sitting at the bar ready to take me home after all is said and done. I want him to see me in a good light, still caring, but not desperate. And we also have to discuss his lack of interest in his son, which is where I may lose it totally. Any advice?

AtW,<P>Gosh it's tough, isn't it? Take a few deep breaths before you go in. Don't jump at anything he says. Take it slow. No pleading. Wait 'till you leave to lose it.<P>You'll do fine once you get there. Perhaps you could rehearse what you want to say before you go, so you don't just spout out anything.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Hi There<P>Now you need to be strong. You really need to know that life goes on after divorce. You need to respect yourself more and realize that YOU need to take of YOU. Spend all the time before meeting your H to work on your positive attitude towards LIFE. You need to understand that YOU have no control over your H and YOU can not make him do anything. The things you do have control with is YOUR LIFE. Make it a great LIFE. Regain your self confidence and strength. You need to glow with "power" and self confidence while meeting your H. IF your H recognizes these changes he may see you from a different light and at least seeing from a different perspective is a start. <P>Do yourself a favour, do it right after you read this post. Look into the mirror and tell yourself that only YOU can make YOUR LIFE great. That only YOU can make yourself happy. Promiss yourself that YOU will have repect for yourself and tell yourself "Thanks" for trying to save a marriage. You fought a good battle, it's not over yet but whether you are married or not you at least have a better mind, control over your life and inner peace. With this in place you will either "win" back your H or find another "love", in either case YOU win.<P>Good Luck and Don't let yourself down.<BR>_____________________________________________<BR>"Better to die on your feet than live on your knees"

Hi There<P>Now you need to be strong. You really need to know that life goes on after divorce. You need to respect yourself more and realize that YOU need to take care of YOU. Spend all the time before meeting your H to work on your positive attitude towards LIFE. You need to understand that YOU have no control over your H and YOU can not make him do anything. The things you do have control with is YOUR LIFE. Make it a great LIFE. Regain your self confidence and strength. You need to glow with "power" and self confidence while meeting your H. IF your H recognizes these changes he may see you from a different light and at least seeing from a different perspective is a start. <P>Do yourself a favour, do it right after you read this post. Look into the mirror and tell yourself that only YOU can make YOUR LIFE great. That only YOU can make yourself happy. Promiss yourself that YOU will have repect for yourself and tell yourself "Thanks" for trying to save a marriage. You fought a good battle, it's not over yet but whether you are married or not you at least have a better mind, control over your life and inner peace. With this in place you will either "win" back your H or find another "love", in either case YOU win.<P>Good Luck and Don't let yourself down.<BR>_____________________________________________<BR>"Better to die on your feet than live on your knees"

Sorry for the double POST, but read it twice anyways...

I've wondered how you've been. Sounds like you are pretty together. Stay strong.

ATW<BR>First of all know that we will all be praying for you!!!!!<P>Now I'm going to tell you something someone told me when I was YOUNG.<BR>When you are getting your picture taken, look straight into the camera and think about how beautiful you are inside and out. It shows through your eyes in the picture. I've never proved this because I don't let anyone take my picture.<BR>What I'm trying to tell you is walk in there and know how beautiful you are inside and out!!!!! Believe it and let it shine through. whether he sees it or not I want you to KNOW it!!!!!

Against the Wind - My dear, my prayers are with you. I know how hard this will be for you. All the advice given above was wonderful - I can't add much, except - dress casually, but nice. Be charming, but in a light-hearted way. Let him know you still care, and are sad at his decision. Give him a chance for explanation, but don't force it. Let him know that you are letting go with love. Let him see what a special person you are, a person of dignity and grace. I hope he realizes what he is throwing away. Please let us know how you fare. Our prayers are with you.

ATW,<BR>My best advice would be to look great and have absolutely no expectations of him other than the settling up of accounts. <P>Have what you want addressed about the divorce on paper. Write up another paper, that he doesn't see and state exactly what you want to say to him on any other matters. I've written scripts for myself a couple times and usually don't have to look at them, just keep them handy in case I do. I find it helps me organize my thoughts.<P>In the mean time, pray for him, pray for you. Would you like to give us a time on Monday to specifically pray & if you'd like to list what we pray about? There are many here who would do so.<P><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR>

ATW - I am so sorry. Be strong - you ARE strong. I will be praying for you.<P>Lori

((((((((ATW))))))))<BR>You're going to be okay. <P>------------------<BR>Bobbie<P>

We'll be thinking of you. He will probably be very defensive, so think of something you can say right off the bat that will let him know you want it to be a friendly exchange. Perhaps bring something of his that he left at home to give him, saying "I'm sure you've missed this so I brought it for you" or something like that. <P>Let him do most of the talking. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that the future of your marriage depends solely on this one meeting -- that's too much pressure for you! Just focus on making the meeting pleasant and there will be more. No one can get divorced these days without lots of meetings. Remember that you can agree to talk about division of assets, etc., in a hypothetical way. "If we get divorced, I want to keep the house", without agreeing that you are, in fact, getting divorced. <P>Keep your head high!!!

Thanks for all the good advice. I am going to write down some particulars to discuss and hope to be friendly and show him I am doing well. <BR><BR>Animac, I have gathered some pics together, mostly of our son from birth on up. H did say he would like some. That was his first show of any emotion. i will keep you all posted as to the outcome.