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You think so?
WOW!! I have never thought of myself as passive, considered myself to be patient. I obviously have the two confused.
The only plan that I have been considering is to just take matters into my own hands and give him his separation. I know that everyone says Exposure but I just feel that this would only be a way of him thinking I was trying to get back at him. I know you have all been through this and Know more than I do. I, myself, am not thinking to clearly right now and apparently need alot of guidance.
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When the AD's kick in, you will be in a better place to work on all of this. I suspect you are like I used to be. I never felt angry, was very passive. I was actually VERY ANGRY, but had learned from my FOO not to express it.
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Believer I hope that you are right...I am extremely angry and frustrated. Just sitting here at my desk I feel so anxious, for no reason at all...Everyone once in a while I have to take a huge deep breath to gain composure. My H asks me how come I sigh so much (when we are watching t.v. together) I tell him I'm not sighing, just breathing.
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Okay -
You have this SKANK, who is hitting on your stupid husband, and has the nerve to call your house, and YOU hand him the phone. This is not normal.
Keep on the meds - they should hit in 2 more weeks. Then you will be better able to do what you need to do. In the meantime, just try to get by the best you can. Come here and read and post. We will help you through this mess.
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Yeah I realize that isnt a normal thing to do, quite bizarre and I dont know why I did it. If anyone I knew ever did that I would think that were fricken crazy.
I have been reading ALOT, trying to get info from all sides and siutations. I really dont know what to expect from my IC on Thursday; I am sure as soon as she asks why I am there I will just start crying, just like I did at the dr.
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You will start feeling better when the meds kick in. Right now, your whole world is falling apart, and you are dealing with 2 crazy people. No wonder you are crying all of the time. But it will get better, and hopefully your counselor help you.
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I will be sure to fill you in when I get back, but I dont go until Thursday @2
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Quick question...
Should I still be doing things for him? I do alot of stuff for him. Like I always make his lunch for him, not that he cant or wont do it himself but I like to. Should I stop this and have him do it? He doesnt expect me to do it, he has even told me that I shouldnt make it for him that I shouldnt be nice to him.
HMMMMM
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Yep, you should still be doing things for him. You are in Plan A. Show him what a wonderful wife he may lose.
Plan B is a ways off for you.
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You need to stay in Plan A for now...which means keep on doing things he appreciates and likes. Every nice thing you do will emphasis the guilt he should be feeling.
You're just not ready for Plan B. You haven't laid the groundwork or prepared.
Why would you even think you should just give him his separation??? He's already shown you he doensn't have the balls to do it himself.
Do you realize that by being this passive/easy/nice about things probably makes him think that ripping up his family is no big deal. You need to show him that you care and you're gonna fight for it.
Why won't you expose? Why would you just walk away instead? Do you think thats easier? Do you need the easy way out? What are you afraid of?
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I am afraid that if I fight him on the separation that he will just end up resenting and hating me..I have no self-respect for myself any longer as I have helped him w/ the stupid A all this time and I make myself sick. I want to be the one in control for once. He has been calling all the shots all along and I am getting really sick of it.
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Are you ready for a plan yet?
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Just to update everyone.
Feeling like crap lately. IC was good. I like her. Go back on 3rd to tell her what I expect to get from counseling.
Still having alot of anxiety...been on anti-d's for about 2 weeks.
Told H he can have separation, I have had enough. Today is our 8th anniversary and we are signing papers to sell our home. This is what I want to do...this is what I need right now.
So that is where things stand. I know alot or most of you wont agree w/ my decision but I feel this is what is best for me right now. I am sick of being a doormat, feeling used and having him have his cake and eat it too.
I thank all of you for your insight,words of wisdom and kindess.
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Live so you have no regrets later.
Good luck.
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I would regret sitting back and letting myself be a doormat for him. I lost my self-respect. I dont know where I lost myself along the way but I need to get me back. I cant look myself in the mirror everyday if I have to beg him to stay. After all I didnt have to beg him to marry me. That wasnt me then and I dont want it to be who I become now.
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No one here has advised you to be a doormat.
We have advised you to be a warrior for your family.
If you're not up to it -- thats OK. It takes a lot of strength to implement these plans.
I strongly suggest that you use Plan B for your own serenity from this point forward. It will have the added benefit of letting him feel what divorce will feel like. You don't really plan on staying friends with him after this do you? That would be the ultimate "doormat."
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Oh...I know you never advised me of that...didnt mean to imply same.
No, for example last night he tried to be intimate w/ me and I pushed him away and he asked "I cant touch you now" and I said I dont really think so, not a good idea...he didnt like it AT ALL...seemed very hurt.
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ohhhh poor baby.
Must suck for him to have one of his women stop meeting his needs. Imagine how he'll cry when you stop making his lunch and caring for his children!
This man has no idea!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE use Plan B.
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This guy is really fogged out, and making a HUGE mistake. But sometimes that is what has to happen before they figure out that they had a good life.
I still wish you would expose them at work. I feel sorry for the kids. You know that she will not be the mother to them that you have been.
Another week on the anti-D's and you will be feeling better. Hang in there.
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