Hi. Have had a ton of terrific help on the other pages. MB is a wonderful resource. Now thinking I may need MB help in other ways... after 3+months of her A, today WW started contatacting divorce attorneys. I'm no longer so hopeful that things will work out. Think I need to start getting educated about divorce. Can someone please point to threads or resources that give helpful background info?
Yes, I just completed a divorce in Illinois, St Clair County to be specific.
I'm not a lawyer, nor do I play one on TV.
I understand state law and circumstances are important; here's some background. We live in Illinois. 2 boys, 10 and 12. I've been unemployed 8 months. Wife returned to work 13 months ago after 8 years off to raise kids. Her income is more than a third of what mine was. We're a nice family, and both spouses are pretty clean, e.g. no history of physical abuse - never hit her and never will. Also no alcohol abuse, smoking etc. I did more porn surfing than I should have, but stopped 3 months ago.
Your divorce will probably settle out of court. It is pretty much automatic. The only thing you can do to slow it down is not sign the waiver of a two year waiting period of being seperate.
She can file as "irreconcilable differences" and then you start negotiating how you want to split up the stuff and the parenting time.
Probably there's a lot more that's relevant, but I don't know what is important and what's not. Any questions?
I understand in our state divorce is more or less automatic, and adultery makes little difference in either divorce or custody. And that child support is determined by formula that has nothing to do with adultery. Can all of that be true?
All of it is true. At least in my county, for a guy to get custody, you need cubic dollars. Of course, what would be good would be to set precident. So if she wants to take the children out of the marital home, say no, get a court order if you can. If she can establish the children away from you, then the judge will likely want that to continue. So I'd start with, "you are free to go, I'll take care of the children and the home." Since you are unemployed, you certainly have the time to take care of the kids.
Does adultery make any difference in any part of the legal proceedings at all in our state?
Nope, they don't care, it doesn't matter for child support, nor does it matter for spousal maintenance. Child support is generally figured as a percentage of after tax income. I have one child, and pay 20% of my after tax income in child suppport to my ex-wife. It is taken from my pay before I ever see it.
I really don't know what they will do in your case of being unemployed, look at your work history, etc.
Alimony, aka spousal support is not common in marriages of less than 10 years, or where both parties can support themselves. Perhaps you can ask for alimony from her, as well as child support since you are unemployed at the moment.
Does my current unemployed situation affect the likelihood of getting custody or getting a satisfactory outcome in any other respect?
I think where kids are right now and with whom is the primary factor determining custody.
What other 10 million things do I need to know?
Thanks in advance for any and all help.
Try mediation, sending offer through lawyers is rather expensive. Of course my ex-wife refused and almost her entire cash settlement is paying her legal fees.
T