Hello, I'm still new here at MB. My wife and I are going to see a MC tomorrow for the first time.

Long story short. I was unhappy grumpy H and W had an EA online with a work related person for about two weeks until I found out.

Is there anything I should expect or be prepared for? Since I found out about the EA I have really changed a lot. I'm here for one...

Thanks

Make sure your MC is pro M. Many are not and encourage D after infidelity. Is the A over?

Shouldn't show much sympathy for the WW, get a different one if the MC does.

On our very first visit, out counselor looked my wife in the eye and said, very seriously, "You understand that you cannot remain married and have this affair."

Look for talk like that. Also be prepared for some hard stuff to hear. Don't take anything that sounds crazy too seriously though...it's just that, crazy!

Good luck.

The session with the MC was changed. The MC thought that it was just W going. Rescheduled to have us both there and set aside more time. Is this normal? Does that sound like the MC is pro M?

W says that EA is over. "done. 100% done." is the quote.

I'll make sure to bring this up when we go though.

If W had an EA I'm suprised that an MC would recommend D...?

Don't mean to threadjack here (I think I am using the word right). My H and I started seeing a MC a few months after D-day (would have been sooner but we live in Florida and had to make it through three hurricanes last year before we could actually make an appointment). She seemed to be good. She seemed to be pro-M. But now I am wondering if I only thought that because my H and I were pro-M. I am beginning to think that she might not be. My H and I have been seeing her for IC, and I am worried about the effect this might have if she isn't pro-M. Any suggestions on what I should do?

Try to get a hold of Suzet*. She had an A similar to your W and she may be able to answer some of your questions.

Hi Oneejh,

One thing I did wrong was talk too much before the first session, as I was calling around. The MC should talk to you on the phone before the first session, to explain their experience, methods, style, and intentions with MC.

What I did was let him get a few sentences out, then dump all my problems on him. I should have asked more about what he would try to accomplish, and how he expected to deal with stalls or roadblocks. - Dru

Wow, Thanks everyone for the advice.

Any other advice???

EJH

ONEEJH, I have read your thread on Emotional Needs forum as well and I see you have posted the following there:

ONEEJH, I had a similar experience (check my signature line) and things DID work out for me and my H. On the other thread you said your W’s involvement with the OM was “flirting which get out of hand”. This sound very familiar because subtle flirting & joking was one of the components of my inappropriate e-mail friendship as well and I believe this was the MAIN thing which led me to develop inappropriate thoughts and feelings for FOM.

If you want to know my whole story, please read the link in my Bio under my profile (you will find it by clicking on my member name Suzet*). Often EA’s develop in similar ways and I think the thread might help to give you insight into your W’s situation and feelings at the time and after her EA. Also, probably your W feels very confused about her feelings after her EA and said to you “I love you, but is not in love with you”. It this is the case, this post will help to give you more understanding and insight into your W’s head.

After your W’s EA, she will first go through a withdrawal stage before she will be able to fully reconnect with you again. You will find this thread on withdrawal helpful. Please be patient and know that recovery (personal and marital recovery) for both you and your W will take time.

ONEEJH, nowadays emotionally infidelity at work and infidelity on e-mail/internet is very common and called the “new type of infidelity”. This article will give you more info.

ONEEJH, please know that what you and your W are going through is definitely not a small thing. It IS big, but there is hope and your and your W CAN get pass this!

Hope this will help,
Suzet

Thank you so much.

We've talked. We spent the weekend apart. (I had to get things ready for winter) I think the time apart helped. We've been improving steadily. We both understand we need to make changes. We have been. Our marriage had gotten to a point that neither one of us were happy, but we both want it to be the happy relationship it was for a long time.

Thank you again for your help.

EJH