Of course, there's what the law says, and then there's reality.
Edited to clarify - yes, I am in Maryland! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
When I went to see my lawyer in the beginning, she said hardly anyone bothers with getting a divorce on grounds of adultery because it ends up being a lot more expensive, and really doesn't make ANY difference in how the state splits property, awards alimony, etc. Basically, regardless of what laws are on the books, the state doesn't care.
To prove adultery, you have to have an uninvolved third party testify that there was disposition and opportunity. For example, my XH was so hot-and-heavy to marry OW (who wasn't, and for all I know STILL may not be divorced!) that he WANTED me to divorce him on grounds of adultery, and offered to testify stating that he had committed adultery. No go. Not that I would have done it. It was what he wanted, so I felt he should have to wait as long as possible.
Basically, from what my lawyer said, adultery can have a small effect in how the child custody plays out if you can prove that the adultery had a harmful effect on the kids, but that it was unlikely and depended a lot on the judge. She also said that it hardly ever had an effect on alimony, but alimony isn't nearly what it used to be. That alimony usually isn't awarded unless there is a significant disparity in incomes. I made about $30K more than my XH, and she said I had nothing to worry about if we had to go to court (which we didn't.)
And adultery really has no effect on the distribution of property, which is not 50/50 in MD, it is equitable distribution. In most cases, that does end up being 50/50, but not always. In my case, the lawyer thought we would have a pretty good case for me to fight for more, and I was able to convince my XH that it would not be worth it to fight me, and we settled for what I wanted, which was quite a bit more than 50% in my favor.
She stressed through the whole thing that more than anything, your best bet is to reach a settlement and to NOT have to have the matter settled by a judge, because how any of this goes if it is decided by the court is VERY dependent on which judge you get.
One other thing to keep in mind - we didn't end up having to haggle over who kept which debts. But if we had, i had some things I would definitely have fought for. She told me that the credit cards that were in my name only, since they were used in support of the marriage, were marital debt. However, he had several credit cards in his name only that I knew nothing about which he had gotten to support his internet personals, porn, and affairs. In addition, he took out a 5-year loan (in his name only) to buy OW a truck (which was titled in his name). My lawyer told me all those debts were all on him. Since all that debt was in support of his affairs, it was all his, and would not be included in the debt total to be split between the two of us. So you may want to call for a good accounting of any debt there is.
