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to find s/he was able to love you "again"?
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Well - H felt he didn't love me, and when he came back he felt the love come back - says it left and came back...although I figure it was always there, just the negatives were screaming louder than not.
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I wonder about this too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
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Joined: Nov 2004
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I agree w/Dorry. My FWH used the "i don't think I love you anymore" line on me during the A, but he was living in a pretty foggy place at the time. Now that we're working on recovery, he looks me straight in the eye and declares his love and devotion.
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Squid told me point blank she no longer loved me and OM had taught her the meaning of love.
Now she adores me and can't even think of OM without wincing.
Takes work but I am proof its possible.
MB Alumni
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Steve Harley's instruction to me was something to the effect: "IF HE LOVED YOU IN THE PAST, HE CAN LOVE YOU AGAIN IN THE FUTURE...
His point was LOVE IS A VERB....
Like the others have said, my FWH and I are more "in love" now than ever. It's because we work on it and demonstrate it daily now...
During the A, the fog and withdrawal, FWH did not allow me to show and demonstrate my love towards him. The door was closed during that time... Once it became open again during RECOVERY, the love he had buried from the past came out again. The love I had locked away during PLAN B came out again. TODAY we keep adding new LOVE DEPOSITS hourly and daily....
GIVE AND TAKE....
I hope this makes sense....hard for me to describe...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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From your lips to god's ear. My husband and I have started the slow process of trying to reconnect, and I hope and pray each day, he too, will realize he has loved me all along and will say so.
So far, we are getting along, talking and now laughing at things. Especially, since he has decided to move his mom to another assisted living facility that o/w doesn't work at. Today the other facility comes for an evaluation on my mother-in-law. I could really use everyone's prayers that she passes their requirements for living there.
Sincerely,
K.D's Heartbreak
In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.
Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
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I got the standard "I love you, but I'm not IN-love with you". My wife felt that she was falling out of love with me and in-love with OM.
Once we got into recovery, she realized that she'd never lost her love for me...but that she couldn't see it because she was blinded by what was going on with OM. Once he was removed from the picture and she made it through withdrawl, her love for me was still right there staring her in the face. Perhaps even more so, because she now KNEW how hard I would fight for her.
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Joined: May 2005
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Thank you everyone. I just worry because there were two As in our case. And, he believes he "loved" her, so that makes it even more difficult.
And, to top it off, I have not exactly done much in the past 6 mos to invoke a lot of love. His A destroyed so much for me (makes it so hard to realized I did the same to him), that I was not Plan anything'ing. I was devastated--even more so by the fact that I have rarely felt like he is trying to make up to me what he did.
But, I have always believed in us and what we had and can still have. I do not believe feelings like that just go away, but they may get buried under incredible pain.
How long did it take your spouses to realize they loved you?
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