Well here I am. 6 weeks later. Haven't heard or seen from her since July 28th.
I honestly do not think I believe in love. I have decided to turn all my emotions off. I will never get close to anyone again.
In this society I think the word love is just thrown about in an insincere way. Do we know what love is? I don't think God intended the word/feeling love to be thrown about the way it is. Love as it was intended, is with one person who you grow old with. How can you possibly fall in love 100's of times. Is it possible?
I just don't know. I am so hurt and I don't ever want to feel this kind of pain ever again.
How can a person go through 6 months of chemotherapy, 2 surgerys, sickness with someone and 5 years later decide that they don't love you anymore, never loved you, not compatiable and cheat on you? She was very hateful, spiteful, just plain mean.
I honestly don't think I can feel or want to love someone (other than my family) ever again.
People get this fantasy in their minds of what love is all about. After the "honeymoon period" it seems like they think it should be like that all of the time.
She told me it feels like we are just friends. Let's just be friends. This relationship ended along time ago and there was no way to save it. WHAT? I just don't get her. She won't even call me. I don't have her new phone number, address or email. WHY? What did I do that was so wrong?
I was depressed. I had every right to be depressed. I had CANCER at age 26. I had a hysterectomy. I went thru 6 months of ******. Living everyday of my life in fear that cancer would come back. Not sure how long I am going to live. Having anxiety attacks everytime I go to the Doctor for my 6 month checkup. I am also a Glaucoma Suspect. My life had been pure ******.
I finally went to therapy back in May. Started on zoloft. Therapy and the zoloft helped to lift the haze I had been living in for the last 5 years. I look back and can't even remember half the crap I went thru b/c I lived in darkness. I can remember half the time not sure if I wanted to keep on living.
But no. I wasn't allowed to be depressed. I told her I loved her. She told me you don't know what love, you don't know how to love, besides your depresed. What the ****** is that supposed to mean?
I would cry to her, she would just sit there and stare at me with this cold look on her face. Told me that she is sick and tired of talking about this. She told me I DONT WANT YOU.
She told me this "friend" of hers is fun, makes her feel young and she has a good time talking and hanging out with this person.
She told me the reason I don't come home is b/c of you. Give me space. Leave me alone.
Told tons of lies about me. She even told people I faked cancer.
Screw love. I will never allow myself to feel it again.
