My W is an alcoholic. We've been married almost 7 years ... mostly good, but things are going downhill fast.


She has many issues and says she just doesn't care about anything. 2 weeks ago I discovered that she had had encounters with another man. It happened again yesterday.

Despite being angry and hurt, I would like to see things work out. I think I can get past what happened, but I don't think yesterday will be the last time.


Not sure how much time and space I can give her.


This is my second marriage. I don't want to be single again, but that may be the only way to stop the hurt.

Never had any problems myself, but I'm starting to discover that alcohol ruins so many lives. If she still lives with you, seize the moment to do something about it before she's totally gone. I wish I did.

I wish I knew what to do. She wants to stop. She's tried AA but didn't feel accepted. I can't force her to go to meetings. I suppose ultimately it's up to her. I think all I can do is avoid being an enabler.

Suggest reading Dr. Dobson's Love Must Be Tough - there are sections about affairs and substance abuse that helped me deal with my spouse's behavior on both fronts.

Drinking and bad decisions go hand in hand, as you can see. Maybe she should try a different AA group.

I am going through the same thing - this is my second marriage and my husband's third. I divorced my ex due to cheating and I started seeing the same signs so I start looking and found out that my husband has been signing up for porn sites and dating websites. He signed up for a swing life style site and was actually setting up meetings with other people when I found out. When I confronted him he said he would stop but then he started locking the front door so he would now when I was home and I have found out he has been looking at this junk with my daughter in the house.

He says that he would never cheat on me and that he would stop but yesterday he was off from his job and I found out that he was at home looking at porn from 8:52am until 11:25 am - I have told him that he either quits or we are through and he says he should be a loud to have some privacy - some one please tell me I am not crazy for being so upset and hurt. I told him that by going to sites where he can talk to other people and most of them are close to where we live he is cheating - he says it is not because he has not actually done anything and that I am just comparing him to my ex - please help.

He also tells me that if we break up it is not because of anything he has done because he has done nothing to make me not trust him other than lie to me about the porn and the websites - when he signs up for these sites he can put that he is married but never does.

Hi Robert, I am not sure if you have read my thread, but my husband had been smoking marijuana for many years behind my back (he claims he is not doing this any more, but since now he does not live with us, who knows) and also was diagnosed with sex addiction.

H says his addiction(s) is his problem, but has a lot of anger and I can FEEL that he is blaming me for his issues. He thinks if he was happy in our marriage, he would not have escaped into porn or other women. He has been doing SA counseling, but he is still at Step 1. He moved out 4 1/2 months ago and wants a divorce. He has been extremely selfish and claims it is a good thing, as he "needs" to take care of himself.

I wonder if your wife is going through the same thing. Maybe she did not like AA meetings b/c she had to hear what she had to hear - that she has issues, and she cannot blame anyone for her problems. I am sure she wants to believe that she has cheated on you to escape from her suffering. Still that is not a good excuse. When my H was attending SA meetings on a regular basis, I saw a tremendous change in him. Unfortunately, he stopped attending after two months or so. But I highly recommend that you get your wife agreed to attend AA meetings on a consistent basis.