Well, I’m going through absolute heartbreak like many of you here.
About six weeks ago is when I found out she was having an affair. I’m 33 and she’s 29 and we have been living together (not married) for four years and together for six and a half years. Up until recently we have both loved each other tremendously. She actually adored me.
Last summer we were having some problems getting along. My problem is trying to control my temper and verbally abusing her with my words at times. I now realize my problem and since our split I have sought help from a counselor. Her problem is that she is very insecure and has self-esteem issues arising from her alcoholic family past. Although, not an alcoholic herself, our counselor recommended that since she does enjoy alcohol, that she discontinue it forever since she is so genetically prone. The therapist also recommended she get on anti-depressant medicine since she has had life time bouts of depression. Finally he recommended that she also get individual therapy to face her childhood demons.
She got on the meds and stopped drinking, but never the individual therapy. This childhood problem has haunted her since I’ve known her.
Things we going great for us for about 6 months, then her daily time patterns started to change. She also started to go out more with co-workers and had time lapses. I would always complain about it but she would do it the next weekend over again. Finally I told her that I suspected that she was having an affair and she denied it. About another two months everything came to the surface.
I found out from our cell phone bill that there had been tons of calls to a number that I didn’t recognize. To make a long story short, she admitted to cheating with a co-worker. I didn’t talk to her for about a week and we finally made up. We didn’t talk in depth about it (first regret), but she agreed she wouldn’t see him. All seemed to go well for three weeks until all ****** broke lose.
The crazy thing was I left to go to work one morning, I hugged and kissed her goodbye and she said ‘I love you.’ Then later that evening she called to tell me that she was going out with some co-workers and wouldn’t be out too late and the last thing she said was ‘I love you sweetie.’
Then the shocker, she didn’t come home that night. The next morning from work I tried to inquire where she had been, but she hung up on me. Then I went home and asked her where she had been and her reply was, ‘I’m moving out.’ I had to pry the truth out of her and she admitted she was over this new OM house because she had drank too much. From then on, she never came back home and moved into a friend’s house, but seldom stays there. I know where he lives and I know she’s been staying over there, even though she denies it.
After the second day of moving out, she finally gave me the closure talk that I needed. She said that the reason she left is ‘90%’ due to the fact that I wouldn’t marry her and she doesn’t like the way I talk to her. We hadn’t talked marriage until two years ago, but I’ve been hesitant because of her insecurity and self-esteem issues (childhood). I now realized that I should have married her because she’s my best friend. The convo we had was very constructive without any anger, disrespect, or outburst, but since then she won’t talk to me—she refuses.
Finally I decided to put it all on the line
I got a hold of her face-to-face. I told her that I was wrong and that within four days I’ve realized that I should have married her and would like to. Also I let her know that I was already in counseling to help with my verbal abuse probs. I also recommended that we move across the country to be closer to her daughter and to get away from this mess and that I would do anything that it would take to make the relationship work. She seemed very sincere and flattered (since this is what she wanted) and we held each other and held hands. She told me that she had to think about it and would call me. I went home and sent her two dozen roses and I’ve confirmed she received them. Yet it’s 3 days later and I haven’t heard a word.
The lack of reply was a huge answer! I’ve decided to go directly to plan B, since A is not applicable here. The crazy thing is that I’ve tried to contact her to talk about our financial things that we need to separate (house, insurance, etc.), but she refuses to discuss it. No matter what she doesn’t want to talk to me even though the last two times I’ve talked to her, the convos were peaceful and productive. I don’t understand what is going on. It’s like she has become a runaway.
What does anyone think of this? Do I have a chance to get her back? Is plan B the right course of action? Any advice would be great appreciated.
