I don't post here much as I don't have a ton of time, but have a little bit and do gain from reading many other posts - thanks. a recap - my h & I married 14 years, 5 children, 5-24 (blended family) I found out last November, right before my 50th bday, that he'd had an A, the OW was pg. Baby born 7/7/05, dha 99.99% his, she has 3 other kids w/3 other fathers. We are just beginning C/S negotiations, etc. He has yet to go to counseling, I have. He works out of the country to this point, 5 weeks gone, 3 1/2 home, he will be returning to a 2/2 schedule in November. He has been 'mostly' compliant w/my requests and does realize how much he could lose.... and I as well. I do love him, but I don't HAVE to be w/him... I can not live through another year like the last year and half... anyway, my question is:

his appt. w/his attorney was rescheduled from morning to afternoon tomorrow. This is the day he gets back after 5weeks in Russia... I know that the appointment has gotta be done, BUT his appt. is in Anchorage, 5 hours away from us.

Tomorrow night is our little boy's very first Open House (he just started kindergarten), it's scheduled for 6pm.

I told my h that he HAS to be here for the open house, or that is it. He & the OW have already taken so so much time and positive energy and events from our son that if he doesn't get home in time....I can not allow him to be affected anymore. H responded "well you know I want to be there" and I told him, then you WILL be, no matter what. (exc. nature interfering of course)

I honestly don't foresee him not showing up cause our son has talked about the open house each time he's spoken to his daddy but... it's hard not to be afraid...

part of my decision to rebuild our marriage is because I want to raise my son w/a partner but if he's not going to be that, well I can do just fine as a single parent. I am a strong woman, own my own business, have many friends and support in my communitry...

do you think I set myself up? him?
thanks for your feedback... & I pray for those struck by the hurricane.

I'm concerned that he's in a no-win situation and you are part of putting him in that situation. How flexible is the attorney appointment?

I knwo how you feel about OC/OW taking time away from your family. You have to weigh each incidence as it comes. I think taking care of the legal ramifications this involves IS important. I think him missing the open house is only a big deal if you make it. If H promised to be there for son, possibly he shouldn't have. If he did, he needs to be there, if it was left open with your son, just explain that Daddy has important buisness to take care of and he'll see him later. I know how you feel, but being objective in each circumstance is important. I try to never throw ultimatums at H and I try not to react to every emotion I have concerning OC/OW. It's a long hard road, but make sure you and H are staying together for the right reasons, your love for eahother, otherwise, it will not benefit your son. Good luck!

If it means that much....then its called rescheduling.
He CAN change the appointment to another day. There isn't much the lawyer can say or do thats going to be soooo critical for your H to meet with him when planned. SERIOUSLY! If he is wanting to show saving the M and that HIS family NOW comes first, he will reschedule and go with you and your son to the open house. He's in town and he should go period. I totally agree with you 100%.

thank you... as I said I do believe that my h will be there as it is important to him. But a couple ppeople made me wonder if I was being a b**** for pressing him on this. The $ issue that will come out of the attorney's appt. is important, but I would give all the $ if we erase his mistakes... we can't, so my feeling is that we must make this life we have the best it can be and that is found in the moments of each day - missing the important moments when that can be avoided adds up to a lifetime of emptiness in my book... so anyway thanks for your support

Where do you live? I am in GA and the CS is all based on your H income and the # of children you have....CS should be able to quote u an amount..........and from what I understand its hard to negotiate that figure any less....

It depends. If there is a time limit that he has to comment too, then yes this is more important. YOU CAN'T put off the legal end of this. It's just toooooo important. I can undersstand you not wanting him to take time away from your family anymore than he has in the past but this really is for your family. Kwim? 5 hours is a very far away distance too to see an attorney. This attorney maybe hard to get into see as well.

I think you should be a bit more patent until the legal end is taken care of. It is better for your family in the long run.

I also agree that you put him in a no win situation. The sooner he takes care of this, the sooner it's over with and he will be able to not have to deal with it, but you and your family. jmho.

well... just to let you all know that my husband did make it to the open house... he was able to see the attorney that afternoon. But I disagree w/those who said that I needed to be patient and let him resolve this before turning to myself and our son. This situation will never be 'over'. The baby is here, she is his daughter, she will always be his daughter... we will always have to deal w/this situation in one way or another throughout our marriage, if it lasts.

& fwiw - he'll be paying $1680/month for the next 18 years. provide medical insurance & deductible. & he's the 4th father in her family!

I had been wondering what happened and if he made it. My GOD...$1680 a month..........your H must make lots of money! I bout fell out of my chair when I read that amount.

YOU are soooooooo right! This WILL NEVER BE OVER~ NEVER! I hate the word patience....You will always be in defense mode! Trying to protect yourself and your son.....There is no patience for that and there never should be.

KB: I'm sorry if what I wrote upset you. You did ask if you were asking to much. All I meant that getting it legal is very important to you and your family. It may never be over, but at least you know what your in for. I am very happy that he made it to his open house. Hey my stbxh missed my girls open house cause he was to tired to go and had to get up early the next morning. So your h did good!:-)