I dont know if its a silly question but I really wanna know since its my marriage is at stake. My hubby lied to me that he was going for a party with his batch mates while he went for dinner to some females.I took it easy when he explained why he lied,....said there is nothing to it and he dint tell me coz I was anyway going thru bad phase at work etc etc....
BUT then when I took his clothes for laundry the next day I noticed his undewear had semen stains on it.....In last 5 years I had never seen a stain on his UW.
Does this mean he had sex with her....#
plz help...........when can a guys UG get wet with stains...

nee,
First of all, this is NOT a silly question!!!!
This can be a first indication that something is NOT right, so don't feel silly about anything.

I'm not a man but I still have a question. Are you completely sure it's semen???
If you are not 100% sure and if you have NOt washed his UW, you can get that checked to have 100% evidence.

The next thing is from what I know...........after having sex..........men do seem to "drip" and this results into stains in their UW.

What are your plans?? If he did have sex with someone, what are you going to do???

Have you asked him personally about the stains??? If so, what was his reaction???

bb

Nee,

Being a man, there are not many reasons why my UW would be stained unless it were urine, semen, or some sort of discharge.

If it was urine, he could have peed himself if he got drunk enough (I know, it's a stretch, but maybe a possibility).

If it was discharge, he should see a doctor. And so should you.

If it was semen it could be from what you suspect, it could be from ejaculating from a lap dance at a strip club (still not a great scenerio), it could have been from a "wet dream" (a man can ejaculate in his sleep from a dream), or maybe he...um...did it himself?

What I'm about to say next may be a little gross but may prove something. If you haven't washed the UW I would suggest smelling the stain. I know it sounds gross but if he did have sex with someone else there might be the scent of sex from the woman.

Okay, I'm officially out of my comfort zone. But if this might help you, then it is worth it. I hope all goes well.

I AM sure it IS semen...i dint ask him abt the semen...felt to petty to ask such a question but I did ask him if he had sex...says no way.
I dono wat am i going to do but first of all i wanna know if its true that he really had sex.
Any men there to help with this answer???????
BTW BB if you were at my place wat wud ya do? i really love him....

Nee,

Well, if you know it is semen then you should ask him to explain it in the most nicest way you can.

If he understands that you're scared and that you are just trying to reassure yourself, not that you are accusing him, then he should have no problem telling you how it got there. If it was innocent then he might feel uncomfortable telling the truth but, heck, you are his wife and he should be able to open up to you.

Again, I hope all goes well!

Nee: I agree with Blondblossom, it's not a silly question! Can you say more about what's going on in your marriage? Some context could help.

Sorry to be explicit, but it seems kind of necessary. Nothing else in that location is likely to be mistaken for semen. Second, if it is a significant amount of semen, I'd be inclined to guess he probably didn't have intercourse; there wouldn't be much left that could end up in his underwear. So that seems to leave only what CambridgeMan suggested; perhaps an accident or perhaps manual stimulation rather than intercourse.

Third, if it's just a small drip, it could possibly be a post-intercourse drip. But on the other hand it could be a drip after he ejaculated via some other method NOT involving the women.

Again, sorry to be explicit. Other off-the-wall possibilities not including sexual activity with one of those women: Possibly he just got excited and had an accident - that can occasionally happen to some men. Or possibly got excited for some other reason (magazine or internet porn maybe?), and stimulated himself without female assistance? Possibly the dinner excited him and he did it to himself alone without the women being present or involved?

Of course the women could have been involved in some of the above as well.

You probably already are - and in my view you should be - alert for other signs and start asking around if possible. Do you know any of the women and could ask for details? How about your source that told you he'd been to dinner with the women, can you approach that person for more info?

Any other unusual behavior recently? Hiding cell phone from you, etc? Any change in his behavior towards you sexually? Has his conversational style changed? Has he become defensive? As you ask around, you will probably want to do that discreetly so as to not push him into a defensive position. You will probably get more info from him if you can keep him at ease.

he is the same sweet self as ever...but I know him very well...I am a different kindda person with very strong intutive quality.When he told me he was going for a party I knew it was something else...no one told me anything.Its just the way I know him and am so atuned to him.I asked him about it later first he denied then he said yes he met this gal twice and its nothing but an innocent meeting...
well wat bothers me is...if it was innocent why did he lie? and secondly my gut feeling says he had sex with her.I mean we have been married 5 years ...I have been doing his laundry always....i know him...there was never ever a stain before and this time here it is... which is not big enough for an ejaculation ...but still its there...
What hurts me the mosrt is we are more like friends than husband n wife...I really dont mind if he wants to have sex with someone´...well if he wants he can go ahead and do itas long as its only a physical thing ...and he knows i feel this way...still why did he lie to me?????????
I am totally confused and hurt...just cant let go of this pain

Big stain would be better. Still a small stain does not necessarily mean intercourse. But you should be concerned.

One of the senior members here suggested I ask 'what do you think are the biggest walls between us'? For us that really started the conversation flowing. Maybe something like that could get he talking and sharing with you?

What about those other possible resources?

Regardless of your arrangement, being lied to by your beloved is incredibly painful. It's a real betrayal. Can you find some way to have a more open conversation with him about how important honesty is in a marriage?

I'm sorry for your pain, nee, really I am. I can't be reading this right, though, right? This is part of your definition of marriage---you don't mind if he sleeps with anybody he wants??? It's only that he lied about it that puts you in such pain? You mean, if he lied about how much he spent on golf clubs you'd be equally hurt? Don't you think you deserve to have someone be faithful to you? Would you want the same thing for your daughter?

As a man I've got to tell you that many men, single and married, do masturbate and finding semen on a man's UW is NOT a rare occurrence. It is also a well known fact that as a group we men are more libidinous than women and if a wife does not want sex, many of us will turn to masturbation in order to releive ourselves. I grant you that you know your H better than anybody of us here and that lying to you about where he went and with whom is a very serious marital issue, but I must warn you that semen stains with no accompanying vaginal secretions on his UW are no more indicting as finding vaginal fluid stains with no accompanying semen secretions on your UW. Concentrate on his lies and not on his semen.

TMCM

There's some sort of test kit you can get to test his UW. Redhat over on GQII has the details. Go to GQII and do a word search on 'semen'.

L.