I'm really surprised by your last post to me in my other thread. and i am very sad to hear you do not think you should post to me anymore. i have learned much from you and you have helped open my eyes many times. i respect your desire to not post to me, i honestly don't understand it, but i can certainly respect it.

I saw myself losing empathy FL.

I am not experienced enough at MC or MB to be confident to post when my considerations appear to be so single minded and unempathic.

I reread my posts to you and I saw a lot of pontificating and not much listening going on.

I will shut up and listen for a while, with your permission I would be very happy to continue to intract with you once my equillibrium is restored a bit ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

{{{{FL}}}}

Allblessings !

ok, so now i am hearing you are not stopping posting to me because you no longer care (because you are disgusted at my total lack of understanding and growth) and and have lost all desire to try to help. cuz that is what i heard when i read your post.

i mean the first paragraph of your post, was very enlightening, i cannot possibly expect him to remember the good right now nor can i look to him for bits of encouragement, cuz that really is what i was looking for, something/anything from him saying i am worth it on some level. some small acknoweldgement that i have not been a complete and total burden in his life, a thorn he is just stuck with cuz he does not want to break up the family because of the kids.

that is so much the message i get from him and i don't know how to respond to that. i really don't.

cuz then there are other times, he will be friendlier towards me and kind. it's just so confusing!!!

but i guess this the thing i can get the most out of:


i myself recognized that last night in my final post:

did you see that post?

taking things to the maximun is something i do, i'm working hard at changing that faulty thought process. i've read about it, i can recoginize it in my head, but my emotions still go there. i have to figure out how to break that habit!!!

i knew when i wrote:
that i might get a response like:
and

yes, i confess there are days when i start to have old resentments creep back in. but i IMMEDIATELY pray to release them, i IMMEDIATELY re-forgive my H for any past hurts. i have learned to take EXTREME precautions to not let resentment settle into my heart again. and forgiveness seems to be the only way to do that. this occurs between God and I, not my H and I. because that is my job to do, to resist resentment.

i can confidently say, i do not let resentment taint my actions towards my H. i am positive he would agree.

i felt safe here saying what i needed to say bluntly. so that is what i did. maybe i said it too bluntly. i do NOT in any way shape or form believe i was justified in my actions.

i tried to make it clear i was needing to do this to get to some "ahh haa" moment i felt i was needing. and in order to do that i had to look deep into what i was thinking, every last bit of it. this is not something i should do with my H, it would be insensitive and cause him additionaly pain because i am certain he would hear it as justification.

I have truely and totally forgiven him for his role in the way our marriage once was. i do not let that have any power over me anymore. however, i can't say those actions didn't happen. they are still part of our past. just like my A actions will forever be part of our past.

i hope this all comes across correctly.

bottomline: thanks for your clarifications, and you certainly have my permission to interact with me anytime.

i really do appreciate your presence here Bob, you have helped me very much BECAUSE you are so good at showing me a perspective i need to see in order to heal and help my H heal too. the point is, you doing that helps so much because it puts less pressure on my H to have to do it!!!

so, thanks. all blessings to you as well.

I care very much about your M, and you FL. Your goodness and honesty shines through.

Despite my massively over prolific posting, I never consider myself anything other than a bloke, and I only ever feel useful if I can see a little the POV of th eperson I am posting with.

I felt I lost empathy with your view in your other post.

I'll shut up and listen a bit.

Always know I care and pray for you.