Today is my 25th anniversary and where am i at alone- my h is living with OW- he came yesterday while i was out and got his DVD and the last of his DVD's from daughter.
He is avoiding me - I knew something was up when he asked what time I would be home.
I talked to my sister's husband who had left her and they have since recovered to get a perspective.
He said that they feel im am weak and need to be strong. That my H is going thru a midlife crisis- he had left (his perspective) and felt instead of working their problems in relationship it was easier to run to someone else and bask in their "love". He was involved with a married person.
if i say anything it is met with - oh you said it mean or argumentative. I told him - i cant win- I feel he is avoiding me- its always an excuse- im busy, my cell phone, etc. I asked him to meet me for coffee he is avoiding me like the plague - so i explained i feel like you are avoiding me or when i call im on eggshells- he said he dosent want me to destroy the thin line we are on. I told him i dont want to destroy this. (if this is just babble- ark - i'm sorry )
if i talkto soft, loud, easy, frustrated etc..
he said he would work on his communicating with me better- listening not jumping to defense and I said I would do the same- be more open not whiny and taking offense. he said he would try to spend time with me when he comes to see kids not just run for the door- and i said I would give him space and not cling.
I asked him if he wants to save this relationship- first he said i dont know- then he said he'll see.
I dont know if thats a start of Plan A. I read on the site about trying to leave with good feelings- but how can you when they wont spend 2 seconds with you.
today is soooo hard.

bump up

Winter,

I know how you are feeling today. it's very hard. My WH moved out to OW's the day before our 24 anniversary last month.

Try and find someone to go to lunch with. Get out of the house and do something for yourself. My best friend took me out to lunch on that day and it helped.

It was a hard day but I made it through it ok. Try and jeep busy and the day will pass easier.

My thoughts are with ya ... Take Care ((((( hugssss)))) to ya

thanks- how are you doing today???

You're not alone. I'm here with ya.

Hang in there,

I am doing better today .... After WH has broken plan b again yesterday, I have been feeling so many diffrent emotions. From anger to sadness .....

But I am determined that planb will not be broken again. It's going to be hard but I have to do it...

It will get better winter we just have to have the faith in ourselves that we will make it.....

Teh best thing we can do for ourselves is get up and make the most of the day. We will get stronger and be fine no matter the outcome. Yes, we both still have hope it will work out and nothing wrong in that. But I do realize sitting here and thinking about this all day is of no help.

So I myself am going to go get dressed and start cleaning the house, but first I do have a few job apps to do ...

Take care and do something today for yourself.....

Oh, be sure to go out and do something fun. Call a friend who is always chipper and non-judgemental. Go to the zoo. Visit an art gallery. Get your nails done. Get a good, fun book and find a great, little cafe in the sun and read the afternoon away ... anything to keep your mind off of things and out of the house.

Please promise you'll do something.

Do something nice for yourself today. {{WK}}

Winter- hopefully next year you can say it is the 1 yr into recovery. hang in there, and take care of you.

Thanks guys- I promise im going to take myself out- my sister said she will come with me and we may go to the movies.
I also going to buy myself some flowers for me.

have a great time at the movies winter.... Nice idea to get yourself some flowers , love yourself ..... It will get better .......

winterkisses,

Ok, everyone is telling you, your not alone…Ok I found out a couple days after my 25th and just before a huge family celebration. You can read my story by clicking the link for my story, why am I telling you to do that, I believe my D-day is about a month before you, so many of the things you are going trough I just went through.

The main thing I can tell you is search your soul, If your still want him, then fight for him!

Good luck from one of your new friends,

Winter find a way to enjoy yourself and keep your mind off it. I know - my H ddecided to "stay home" for our anniversary and came home from his office at 7am, crawled in bed, said happy anniversary, had sex with me (not made love) went to bed. And then spent the rest of the day on his singles forum, talking more and more about how he was seperated, and looking for someone who wouldn't hurt him.

I spent the day instead occupying myself with the kids, and doing things for me - I bought myself an anniversary present too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> and even brought take out - for ME!

TREAT yourself to this day - cause you have gutted it out 25 years! And this is your day to celebrate YOUR strength!

Hi guys-
Had nice time last night at show- came home wh was there - I was upbeat and said hi-
We talked about money issues and that started him going about if he pays more than he will not have enough to live on- I talked to him about increse- I said we can negotiate- because he is now Assistant manager. He said arent i supporting and giving everything for the kids and the mortgage. Yes- then he started saying that I might as well get the lawyer because when they see what he makes I would not get a lot in child support. (with him paying now the mtg, ins, etc) it would give me more than just child support, etc. anyhoo.......he started saying he felt that now I am "challenging him" and not believing what he tells me. That maybe we should just sell the house, split everything, how when he talks to me - its cool and then it's an argument, He wants to come by more but im not making him feel like it not going to escalate, etc. He feels that I have talked to all 3 kids and turn them against him- he still loves them very much.
He said he regrets ever telling me he didnt love me- he does but still not in that way. The night we made l**e that was the best s** we had in a long time.
He said when he calls or comes over he wants to hear good things- like the kids- dogs, etc. He finally admitted the reason he didnt move w/ his mom or sister because he said he was ashamed and didnt want to hear them tell him to go home to your wife, etc and everyone knew he did a stupid thing.
Anywoo.......... I asked why are you still at the ow house then- He gives me this story- dont you think i have my own room- she is giving me space because she dosent want to be on the rebound. - I looked at him and said enough. He said im not mad and i know I have to make a decision- i am not going to keep going like this. I am trying to get a place of my own so i can have some space. He said I dont want a divorce at least not now.

I am losing this battle- I feel like im the OW.

WK,

I feel for you I feel like the OM at times myself. Stay strong. You still have so much hope left and so much potential. I wish I was getting the responses you are getting from your WH from My WW. Keep with your plan and know that you are fighting for your marriage. Don't engage in the conversation regarding his living arrangements if you can help it. He knows where home is.

R.

thanks- I hope so- I hope i didnt blow it.

dorry- ((((((((((big hugs)))))))))))
I got a happy anniversary- he has a headache when he talks to me and left and went home to ow house where he has moved. I guess they celebrated the anniversary.