what is plan a? plan b? i recently found out my husband was having an affair and it is killing me!!i thought i married the sweetest man on earth and i still do (guess im in denial or am just stupid)i know he loves me but it really doesnt feel like it anymore i know i had something to do with pushing him away but i want to fix our marriage but he still is seeing the ow he has moved out (to his mothers) since he has moved out we were trying to work on things but i cant help but get hurt and angry when i find out he is with HER. i have done some things like call her all night which made him really angry.i feel like i am the one who has the right to be angry not him i know i should not have bothered her but i am an emotional wreck and i am hurting like i have never hurt before and dont know if i will ever stop hurting. he says he still loves me but is afraid i will hurt him again I WILL HURT HIM i know i havent been there in a physical way as much as he wanted but i have always loved him and i can work on the physical right? in fact i have been i was sick to find out he was having cyber sex with other women i broke in his email and found all of this i dont even recognise the man i married. i decided to be that fantasy girl in everyway and he did enjoy it but he doesnt want everything to be about sex. well i think that is the majority of our problem.i was just trying to show him that i would do whatever i needed to work things out. well now we have no contact at all except a couple days a week when he has to take me to work which i had to force him to do so i didnt lose my job when i started being mean or not talking to him at all he started being really nice but i am so miserable i need contact with him this is driving me crazy and i dont want to be mean to him i love him what should i do?? he did say when we first seperated that he would consider counseling but we cannot afford to go to counceling . should i try to get him to join me here?? im sorry this is soo long i am really upset and trying to get these feelings under control thinking maybe this will help. any advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated and is desperately needed

I understand your pain and anger. Be strong and keep in contact with these forums because we all share similar heartache.

Plan A and B are described at www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html

thanks i found them. i just talked to hubby. he said he still does have love for me deep in his heart. but he cant say i love you to me.he says right now he doesnt know if he wants to work things out and that he might want a divorce. boy that hurts. he did say that he still prays to god every night to help him to go the right path and that he prays for my happiness.he did say he will try and keep an open mind but he doesnt want to mislead me. he also said he is going to read the info on this site. im not sure if anything will help at this point but i have to be hopeful.he says he is very cold inside and that i killed him.all i am hoping for is for the man i married and admire to come back instead of this very cold person who is there right now . will that ever happen?? he says he is just trying to live day by day i told him it is alot easier to do that since he has the ow that makes it much easier for him.i feel so pathetic.is it worth fighting for the one you love. i feel like i am begging.he said we were never happy . i know we were. we have had our problems but our marriage wasnt all bad.he really does hate me.he says he ha smore anger for me in his heart than love. is it hopeless?? can we overcome this??he said he does like being able to talk instead of argue.i called a truce . but he doesnt want to talk in person because he says it hurts too bad.it hurts not being able to look into his beautiful eyes but i guess at least i can hear his voice.he also said he will not leave me stranded and will help out with the bills and stuff.i guess i should be grateful for that.i thought talking with him would make me feel better. im not sure that is true.he is going away for the weekend. he told me who he was going with and its not the ow.i thanked him for telling me that. i would of been going crazy knowing she was with him.am i stupid??should i try and move on?? should i have a one nightstand?? he thought i did awhile back and got so angry and told me i made his decision easier for him. i dont want to make it easier for him and i dont want anyone else.but should i just stay here in ******??well one good thing is i lost 30lbs this month.that is the only good thing!!the ow wants to beat me up should i meet her??im sorry my replys are so long i guess this is my therapy i need some answers and im not gonna get them from him so maybe you guys who are dealing with or have dealt with all these terrible feelings can help maybe we can help each other.

How long have you been married ? How long has it been since he moved out ?

together approx 5years married 3 and half years. he has been staying at his moms 1 and half months.since i last posted he has emailed me 4 times. not declaring his undyeing love for me but at least hes not being mean.he told me i can email him anytime i need to talk and to thank me for being understanding. he still says he wants to keep our communication at a minimum. i am so confused. he also said that he did visit this site a little. i told him to try and visit it when he has time to really read the articles and to please keep an open mind and to let the love he still has for me grow. was that stupid??should i leave him alone?? thanks for talking to me it helps alot.

He sounds confused too. Keep posting....

do you reaaly think so. i will this is all that is really helping me right now it kinda is giving me stregnth in a way i guess knowing other people are out there with the same problems and they have overcome them and some have even saved their marriages which is exactly what i want to do i just hope there is enough love on both our parts to fix our marriage and make it great.

jeremyswife ,
Please us capital letters, periods and paragraph returns.
It'll make it MUCH easier to read your posts.

Read the links below.

sorry about my punctuation! well today was a good day i think. he picked me up for work and he even came early so we had a little time to talk.i tried to keep everything cool and calm, as upbeat as possible. he was crying a little i told him to stop cause i didnt want to cry anymore i just want to move forward.he thanked me for not fighting with him.i told him i didnt want to fight with him i was very hurt and i am trying to deal with that. i am trying to stay positive.i told him i didnt want to hurt him EVER and i really mean it. i am so sad that i realize i pushed him to have the affair. i didnt give him the love he needed and deserved. i must admit now that i did neglect his needs at times and that just breaks my heart. i truely love this man and did nothing but push him away when all he wanted was me to show him i loved him. i feel like a terrible person. i hope and pray that we will be able to work through this and be closer and stronger.he seems a lot more willing to at least realize that there is a chance. so i guess that is a step in the right direction.right? i know it cant happen overnight no matter how bad i want it too. i really dont think i would want him to come back right now . i want him to come back when he is ready and on his own free will. does that make sense? i really enjoy the advice i get here and being able to talk freely about my honest feelings. it helps in some way.am i doing the right thing. am i following the steps i need to be . anyone who has been where i am or can give any advice is appreciated. well that is my day so far and it may not seem that great to some but to me it was a good day. i got to talk with my husband instead of fight and even got a hug and some smiles. one day at a time is all i can hope for right now.as long as there is some hope left it will always be a good day.or am i fooling myself?? i like to believe im not but who knows. well thanks for listening.god bless and goodnight

lonely day but i resisted the urge to call him all day but he did not call me either oh well i need to give him time and space. he left to go out of town so at least i know i will not be tempted anymore tonight to call him. well wish me luck!!

Try posting over on General Questions II. A lot of veterans over there. But, please, as Chris said, break up your post into paragraphs so the rest of us can read it more easily!

Best wishes,
Nat