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Marriage Builders Forums Our Archives Archived Read-Only Posts Inactive: General Questions did i do the wrong thing????

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did i do the wrong thing???? #1465337 09/01/05 02:40 PM
Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 31 B blueeyedbrat Member
blueeyedbrat Member B Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 31	todat has been a stressful day. h bee mopin around since calling ow an telling her it was over agin.... got irritatd today an told him to just go to her an give me a break. that he doesnt have right to be doing this to me, once agin he says im wwhat he wants , is he telling the truth ar is is this more of the process????

Re: did i do the wrong thing???? blueeyedbrat #1465338 09/01/05 02:42 PM
Joined: Jul 2005 Posts: 106 P Pureangel Member
Pureangel Member P Joined: Jul 2005 Posts: 106	Time will tell. It's not easy. But, if you want him fight for him! BW (Me) 32 WH 43 D-Day 5/25 DS-9 DS-3 In recovery with the help of God and many Angels.

Re: did i do the wrong thing???? blueeyedbrat #1465339 09/01/05 02:52 PM
Joined: Jul 2005 Posts: 396 H Hopeful4future Member
Hopeful4future Member H Joined: Jul 2005 Posts: 396	Quote got irritatd today an told him to just go to her You did what?!?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> His depression is going to be part of the WD's. Sending him off to her will put you back to the beginning and make things harder on both of you. He needs to stay away from her and continue NC in order to get over her. Recovery will be nearly impossible if you let him see her. Hopeful4future The character of a person is defined by their actions...not their intentions. Otherwise, the world would be full of Saints. BS: 40 (Me) xFWW: 50 Married: 9/97 PA: 3 months D-Day: 6/30/2005 (she revealed to me) Divorced: 10/2/2008 Happy that I've moved on

Re: did i do the wrong thing???? Hopeful4future #1465340 09/01/05 03:16 PM
Joined: Jan 2005 Posts: 2,715 O Owl Member
Owl Member O Joined: Jan 2005 Posts: 2,715	Read the literature here on this site. He's going through withdrawl caused by the end of the affair. Treat it just like he's going cold turkey off of cigarettes or cocaine...he's going to be moody, angry, depressed, etc...and this is likely to go on for at least 3-4 weeks. There is no way around it. All you can do is your best to support him and let him deal with what he's feeling. Do NOT get angry with him about it, or do 'lovebusters' on him because of how it makes you feel. That includes telling him to just go to her. This is as unfair as if he were to tell you "the affair is over now, so just get over it". Think about it.

Re: did i do the wrong thing???? Owl #1465341 09/01/05 03:55 PM
Joined: Jul 2005 Posts: 270 M mflake Member
mflake Member M Joined: Jul 2005 Posts: 270	Yes, and he might "fake" being recovered after a couple of weeks too. Be on the lookout for that. Don't tell him to go to the OW...I did and my wife screwed him! Big mistake!

Re: did i do the wrong thing???? mflake #1465342 09/01/05 05:32 PM
Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 31 B blueeyedbrat Member
blueeyedbrat Member B Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 31	ty all for responses. he did not go anywhere today an i did apologoze trying to explain that sometimes things get difficult for me . i tried to reasure him that i do love him an this will be hard but we will make it. he has looked over some of the info here but says it just makes him think about her more. he also says he has feelings for her ( that hurts) but i just told him im trying to deal with that . he then said he is here because he loves me an wants this to work. been trying to read everything i can get my hands on to help me do what i need to do. this forum has been lifesaver . is there anything i need to be doing that im not. all advice is appreciated

Re: did i do the wrong thing???? blueeyedbrat #1465343 09/01/05 05:39 PM
Joined: Mar 2004 Posts: 1,747 B betrayedinjersey Member
betrayedinjersey Member B Joined: Mar 2004 Posts: 1,747	beb, BS say stupid stuff sometimes, it comes with the territory. Many of us have told the FWS to go be with the OP. It's tiring, the hurry up and wait thing. Don't beat yourself up. You can only control you, and you can not control HIM. Take your time, this is a marathon, not a sprint. It's going to take time. It's not a game, don't over analyze what you should or shouldn't do or say, I've seen way too many BS try to steer fate that way. It just can't be done. Be yourself, take your time, and give it all you got, if that's what you decide to do. There isn't any WRONG thing right now. There isn't a cheating 101, everyone is different and copes with this in their own way. Hang in there, sorry for your pain.

Re: did i do the wrong thing???? betrayedinjersey #1465344 09/01/05 06:44 PM
Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 31 B blueeyedbrat Member
blueeyedbrat Member B Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 31	ty for your kind words. determined to stay focused on future. going back to work tomorrow it will stress ful an a relief in ways to have other things to do other than this. been on vacation for a few days so i could get a handle on things without it affecting my job. i supervise a day program for the mentaly challenged so it is important for to have myself together. have a good day to all.

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