Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 31
B
Member
Member
B Offline
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 31
todat has been a stressful day. h bee mopin around since calling ow an telling her it was over agin.... got irritatd today an told him to just go to her an give me a break. that he doesnt have right to be doing this to me, once agin he says im wwhat he wants , is he telling the truth ar is is this more of the process????

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 106
P
Member
Member
P Offline
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 106
Time will tell.

It's not easy. But, if you want him fight for him!


BW (Me) 32 WH 43 D-Day 5/25 DS-9 DS-3 In recovery with the help of God and many Angels.
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 396
H
Member
Member
H Offline
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 396
Quote
got irritatd today an told him to just go to her


You did what?!?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

His depression is going to be part of the WD's. Sending him off to her will put you back to the beginning and make things harder on both of you. He needs to stay away from her and continue NC in order to get over her. Recovery will be nearly impossible if you let him see her.


Hopeful4future


The character of a person is defined by their actions...not their intentions. Otherwise, the world would be full of Saints.

BS: 40 (Me)
xFWW: 50
Married: 9/97
PA: 3 months
D-Day: 6/30/2005 (she revealed to me)
Divorced: 10/2/2008
Happy that I've moved on
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,715
O
Owl Offline
Member
Member
O Offline
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,715
Read the literature here on this site. He's going through withdrawl caused by the end of the affair. Treat it just like he's going cold turkey off of cigarettes or cocaine...he's going to be moody, angry, depressed, etc...and this is likely to go on for at least 3-4 weeks. There is no way around it.

All you can do is your best to support him and let him deal with what he's feeling. Do NOT get angry with him about it, or do 'lovebusters' on him because of how it makes you feel. That includes telling him to just go to her. This is as unfair as if he were to tell you "the affair is over now, so just get over it". Think about it.

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 270
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 270
Yes, and he might "fake" being recovered after a couple of weeks too. Be on the lookout for that.

Don't tell him to go to the OW...I did and my wife screwed him! Big mistake!

Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 31
B
Member
Member
B Offline
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 31
ty all for responses. he did not go anywhere today an i did apologoze trying to explain that sometimes things get difficult for me . i tried to reasure him that i do love him an this will be hard but we will make it. he has looked over some of the info here but says it just makes him think about her more. he also says he has feelings for her ( that hurts) but i just told him im trying to deal with that . he then said he is here because he loves me an wants this to work. been trying to read everything i can get my hands on to help me do what i need to do. this forum has been lifesaver . is there anything i need to be doing that im not. all advice is appreciated

Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,747
B
Member
Member
B Offline
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,747
beb,
BS say stupid stuff sometimes, it comes with the territory. Many of us have told the FWS to go be with the OP. It's tiring, the hurry up and wait thing.

Don't beat yourself up. You can only control you, and you can not control HIM.

Take your time, this is a marathon, not a sprint.

It's going to take time.

It's not a game, don't over analyze what you should or shouldn't do or say, I've seen way too many BS try to steer fate that way. It just can't be done. Be yourself, take your time, and give it all you got, if that's what you decide to do.

There isn't any WRONG thing right now. There isn't a cheating 101, everyone is different and copes with this in their own way.

Hang in there, sorry for your pain.

Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 31
B
Member
Member
B Offline
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 31
ty for your kind words. determined to stay focused on future. going back to work tomorrow it will stress ful an a relief in ways to have other things to do other than this. been on vacation for a few days so i could get a handle on things without it affecting my job. i supervise a day program for the mentaly challenged so it is important for to have myself together. have a good day to all.


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,361 guests, and 92 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Zion9038xe, renki, Gocroswell, Allen Inverson, Logan bauer
72,026 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Annulment reconsideration help
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:05 PM
Help: I Don't Like Being Around My Wife
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:01 PM
How important is it to get the whole story?
by leemc - 07/18/25 10:58 AM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:21 AM
My wife wants a separation
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:20 AM
Spying husband arrested
by coooper - 06/24/25 09:19 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,624
Posts2,323,522
Members72,026
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0