I posted this in someone else's thread, but I figured I would create one of my own...

My H and I started seeing a MC a few months after D-day (would have been sooner but we live in Florida and had to make it through three hurricanes last year before we could actually make an appointment). She seemed to be good. She seemed to be pro-M. But now I am wondering if I only thought that because my H and I were pro-M. I am beginning to think that she might not be. Now that my H wasn't a D, he and I have been seeing her for IC, and I am worried about the effect this might have if she isn't pro-M. Any suggestions on what I should do? Or should I even do anything?

<<bump>>

No one has responded, so I figured I'd bump it up!

Call Steve H @ MB. Do some phone counseling.

L.

Orchid's right, there's really no way for us to determine if the counselor is indeed pro-marriage or not, but the fact that you have doubts about her is reason enough to go elsewhere.

I actually haven't found a counselor (MC or otherwise)that is, in fact, pro-marriage....so I know it's not as easy as it sounds.

-Caren

Orchid,

I tried making an appointment with Steve H but his only available appointments were when I was at work. But I did make an appointment with Dr. Chalmers, who wrote Suriving an Affair. I found talking to her really helpful, but it is not me that I am concerned about. It is the fact that my H went and saw her for IC last week. I am concerned that if she is not pro-M, which I suspect she is not, that him going to see her could end up doing more harm than good. H is not willing to talk to anyone at MB. I have thought about offering to pay for it, but I am not sure if that would help.

Dr. Chalmers is pro M and MB smart. Keep working with her. Work on you 1st. Need to get you strong enough so that you can help show your H the way back to the M.

What did Jennifer say?

L.

Oh my goodness, Orchid, Jennifer said so much! I have pages and pages of notes. Jennifer said that I should create a plan of things I should do to make our marriage better, which I had already done. When I talked to her about it, she said it was a good start and gave me some additional suggestions, which I e-mailed to H. (At this point, I didn't realize that my hotmail was automatically deleting everything that people sent to me with "re:" in the subject line, so I don't know if he responded or not). She also told me to explain to him why I set up a list of people who would keep me accountable ... that it was not a sign of weakness, but a good thing. So I e-mailed that to him. The rest that we talked about ... well, I haven't shared that with Chris yet, so I don't want to mention it here. But I felt like the hour I talked to her was the best counseling session I had ever had. She told me to set another one up in three weeks, so I guess I will be doing that in two weeks now.

I will continue to work on me in the hopes that I will become the W that my H deserves and also the W that he wants.

Your enthusiasm is good to hear. Keep up the good work. Your H will see it. How he reacts is his thing. U keep up your work.

take care,
L.

Thanks for your uplifting comments, Orchid. I will keep doing what I am doing.

Someone once asked me if I thought that our MC was the right one for us, and I didn't really know how to answer that question. I mean, how do you really know? It's not like I have a wealth of experience with MC. But now I am beginning to question it.

I went and saw her today for IC (my H and I haven't gone together in over a month when he filed for D and moved out). She told me today that for quite a while, she could see that we were on a path to destruction. But she can't tell people what to do. I understand that if God can't make you do something, than clearly neither can another person. But don't you think that if, in her expert opinion, she knew we were on a destructive path, she would have done more to make us aware of that? I don't know if she ever brought it to my H's attention in their IC, but I never really got that feeling from her until now.

She says that she is pro-M, but it seems to me like some of the things she says contradicts that.