This is a vent, but any input would be appreciated

I cant believe it. I had to call my X, HAD TO, I would have avoided it if I could but it was in regards to my daughter in college, or rather the absence of my daughter in college.

My daughter has not done well with this divorce, things were really tough the last couple years of high school anbd then X left at the beginning of her senior year. She is angry and probably depressed. She has not taken her college seriously (county), even though I was able to get her scholarships and grants, effort was just so-so. She wants to go to a good art school next year. She has the potential to be a great photographer, but to get in they are going to look at her transcripts from the county college, and she failed art history.

She decided to switch county colleges this semester to boost her GPA, work on her portfolio and attempt a spring entry into the art school. After her 1st class this Tue, she sat at financial aid and they told her her grants had run out (this is her 3rd year at county) since she didnt want to take a loan out for county college she dropped everything.

She plans to work hard to save money for spring semester and work on her portfolio, unfortunately I dont feel that this will happen. she has inherited X's party genes and with her emotional health the way it is I dont believe that this will work. If she drops out she may not go back.

I had to call X and discuss this with him as I felt maybe he could convince her to take the loan and go to county college another semester. I am so stupid.

I knew talking to him would get me nowhere, would only upset me and gain nothing, and that is what happened. So why did I even bother.

I could hear his new wife talking in the background and I thought she was holding a conversation with someone else, but then I realized that she was telling my X how he should handle the sitch

I lost it when I heard her say "Why doesnt her mother fill out all the forms?"

Excuse me I have been the only one there for my kids (4), filling out all financial aid forms and every other form that comes down the pike, X has been nowhere around. I was able to get financial aid for most of their expenses, full scholarships for me to return to college full time and work full time, as well as being full time parent. The one time I call him and need help, all I got was crap from the new wife who has nothing to say about my children

and why did I expect the Peter Pan addict to offer any constructive help to the sitch, where is my mind? Like I need this the night before I start back to school

I still dont know what to do about my daughter and I am terrified that I will lose her.

My oldest (25) who just got his masters degree isnt any help, he is typical oldest child of alcoholic, real overachiever. He sees everything black and white. He got all the loans for himself to attend school and when he graduated he even had a little money put away in stocks.

My X holds him up to be the gold standard for the other kids

"Mikey did it, why cant you? Look at all he has done!!!"

That only angers the other threee kids, and of course the X doesnt see the alcoholism and the family dynamics.

I am supposed to go away this weekend, meet some future in-laws and now I am so upset I feel that I will not enjoy myself.

Dear Sunrise One,

No real ideas, just (((HUGS))).

Sometimes simple Prayer is the best we can do.

Blessings

Hello Sunrise1,

Isn't there someone in the family or at school etc. that could be a father figure for your D? Someone who could talk to her, boost her self-esteem and warn her about the pitfalls of life as an adult? I'm sure you could do all these things, but unfortunately kids tend to listen to non-parents <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> better.

After my parents' D when I was 14 I was very defensive, didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't feel supported by anyone, and felt that my mother needed all the support she could get herself, and "hated" my father for being the controlling stubborn man he was. My grades in school dropped dramatically and an advisor at school had a talk to me about it. It was a long conversation. At a certain point he said: "Hey, you don't have to defend yourself, you know." That made a very deep impression on me. It might have seemed trivial to anyone else, but I didn't even realise how defensive I acted towards everyone, how angry I was inside. Something changed after that.

I'm sorry your X can't be a real father and that he can't help you with this. He should, but some people never grow up because they're too scared to take responsability. Maybe they'll think it's not "fun" to be responsible, but I think they're just afraid. It's very empowering to take responsability, and that's what you are doing, even if it wears you out from time to time.

(((((Sunrise1)))))
Brit