http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9117931/

At the recent World Congress of Sexology in Montreal, noted sociologist Pepper Schwartz, a professor at the University of Washington in Seattle, made a startling argument.

“There is every reason to believe,” she said, “that non-monogamy will become part of the American sexual cycle.”

You could say that it already has. Some people live a polyamorous lifestyle, whether they are old-school Mormons or simply couples who agree to “open relationships.” O.K., you say, but these people are a tiny minority, right?

In the past, Schwartz argued, “women were the moral gatekeepers.” They insisted on monogamy, established it as an ideal, and tried to enforce it. Now, though, about one-quarter of women ages 18 to 24 are boinking more than one guy at any given time, according to a University of North Carolina study. About one-quarter of high school kids have what Schwartz politely termed “non-connected sex” but the rest of us have been calling “hooking up,” and these quickie sex exchanges are often initiated by the girls.

We’ve also witnessed the Dr. Phil-ization of the country. “We have become a more psychological nation,” Schwartz said. We see “cheating” as occurring in some sort of mental context. Maybe she slept with him, we tell ourselves, because she was depressed. Or maybe he slept with her, we say, because he’s being walloped by middle age.

To understand is to forgive.

Though Schwartz admitted that “it is hard to know what the numbers mean,” she thinks non-monogamy will continue to increase. Some theorists, she pointed out, think monogamy arose “so that unattractive men could get wives,” but with the increasing power of women — sexual, financial, cultural — this old system will break down.

Better parents now?
But, Potts argues, once we do marry, we tend to try to make those marriages work and we are probably better parents than we used to be because we’re more mature. We’ve gotten a lot of play time out of our systems. As a result, he says, “I do not know that we have any firm evidence that there is more extramarital sex now than 50 years ago.”

Monogamy in marriage, he believes, is all about the kids. Both men and women have an interest in making sure children are protected and nurtured, and straying makes that task more difficult, so most of us don’t do it.

The idea that we’re becoming a nation of orgiastic libertines is, of course, one of the animating ideas of the Christian right. They’d like to take us back to a mythical time when there was no porn, no sex before marriage, no straying once you were in that marriage.

While they may see Schwartz’s argument as proof of their fears, and justification for repression of sexual liberties, maybe we should all be encouraged.

It’s possible that both Schwartz and Potts are correct, that there is more non-monogamy in our society, but that, in the end, most of us wind up in stable marriages and make better parents.

Wouldn’t that be something?

A very interesting article.

There's always been shaggin' even back in the stone age when I was a teen. Not sure that's new, but the comments about infidelity make a lot of sense.

Mythical indeed. Gosh, I remember those days. I think I was like, 6 yrs old or something. There was only G.I. Joe and The A-Team.

J

When I was six there was the Monkees, Rowan and Martin's Laugh in, Jackanory all in black and white and dogs still left crumbly white poo on grass verges.

Yeah... we have that in Canada too. Like what's UP with that anyway?!?

So, what is their point? There has always been murder. Do we need to understand it? Do we need to condone it?

Sin is sin. Each sin is as bad as the next. Adulterer...murderer...thief...etc. All the same. All have the same penalty under God. No matter how we want to see it.

In His arms.

Mortarman,

Murder the same as infidelity, under Gods judgment.. Umm I think even our human common sense that God gave us would suggest that, those two things are in no way deserve the same "penalty". If our society even remotely saw them as the same, well then all of our ws's would be hung, or fried..

Just because there both wrong, doesn't mean in the same degree, and you are presuming too much to assume God sees them as the same, and would penalize them the same.

I think your statement was over the top, and I doubt your ww would agree that she is the same as a murder. If you honestly believe what you wrote, then that just is plan scary.


And I think all of us come here seeking understanding, and knowledge etc. So I suppose it would make SENCE then to try to understand the social state we all are in, it helps us to explain the why's. But that in it's self is one of those dugh, statements...

Wouldn't you agree that God gave us the ability to understand things, and the thirst to seek out knowledge for a reason?

TA,

Thanks for the article, it makes a lot of sense and it was an interesting read.

jmho

justmenow

Mortarman is 100% correct in what he says. To God, sin is sin is sin. Regardless of what the sin is, the penalty is death (this is in the eyes of God....don't compare this with the human moral compass).
The flip side is that God offers an escape from that death penalty in His Grace and Salvation.

I'm sure MM will go into more detail and give the Scripture to back it up....I'm at work and don't have the time right now to look it up.

I agree with high road.

All sin is the same in God's eyes... the main difference in man's world is the varying degrees of consequences after the sin.
That is why infidelity is so difficult... the consequences are huge.

Shaden