I've all but given up on my marriage, I have literally tried EVERYTHING I know to do (individual and marraige counseling, relationship books and print-outs (Dr. Phil and this site), divorce info, even prayer, etc.). I get no response at all from my H. He constantly lies about his drug habit even though he knows I know about it. He keeps secrets from me-I had to find out from my SIL that he bought two work trucks. There is money missing from our bank account constantly, to the point that I think we have money and pay bills or get groceries and then end up with charges from bouncing those checks. And I get no explanation as to where the money is going. He has his own business so he also has a business account that he is always taking money out of and again, I get no explanation and can do nothing about because my name isn't on that account. It isn't a few dollars here and there, it's more like $500 every two weeks.

I know this is horrible of me but I've threatened divorce before and he's "responded" by getting angry and telling me off and then crying and begging me to stay. The thing is, I don't believe divorce is a good thing for many reasons. The main one being that I don't want to put my children through the heartache I went through when my parent's split. Another reason is because I'm in women's ministry and divorce is obviously biblically wrong and well, it doesn't take a genius to figure out why I don't want to 'go there.'

I've threatened that three times in the past year. Every time, he has 'responded' by what I said above, followed by kissing my butt for a few days and doing everything he possibly can to (I guess) take the heat off of himself, and then going back to the same old man I threatened in the first place. It's a continuous cycle of mind games and dishonesty with him.

I would expect this kind of treatment out of a young, naive, immature boy. But he is 13 years my senior and still can't see past his own nose to realize our marriage is broken!

I don't know what to do. Please help me!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Welcome to MB'ers.

I believe that Dr Harley is clear that addictions (i.e. drug abuse) must be dealt with before MB'er concepts will be effective.

If you 'threaten' (make an ultimatum) without real consequences, he'll quickly learn you do not mean what you say. A little 'butt-kissing' and he can go back to his irresponsible behavior. I assume that is not you want...

Have you looked into programs for spouses of drug addicts? You cannot make him get help - he has to decide that for himself - but you may learn better ways of dealing with living an addict.

No I haven't. Do you have any information on that? I didn't know those kind of groups existed.

I know it's wrong of me to give him ultimatums and go back on my word, there is no excuse for that behavior.

I am desperate though, I have reached the end of my rope.

Here is a link to Narcotics Anonymous. Again, you cannot 'make' him go. But look into it for yourself - maybe they have resources to help those living with an addict. I know Alcoholics Anonymous has such programs.

Here is a link to lying and addiction. I found that one by putting 'drug addiction' into the forum's search function. You can find more threads about drug abuse that way.
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Maybe have him check his pH levels and try something like ozone therapy.

Ozone therapy is something he could have done "to" him.

Things like heavy metal detox, parasite cleanse, etc. he'd need to do for himself (for the most part).

Those things will likely bring physical relief, but they might prolong the problem by making him healthier...especially if he's ignoring the spiritual emotional and mental reasons for his problem.

I guess I don't know what the heck I'm saying anyway, because I'm having major problems with my W. She's not on drugs, but her level of irresponsibility and disrespect is really getting me down.

So, good luck, best wishes, and maybe find some space for yourself to just relax. How about half an hour a day? Stop off at a coffee shop or something. Just sit there. Forget about fixing anything and just sit for a while.

I guess I should do that, and I will.

Blessings,
D--

You have two issues here: Money and a drug addict for a husband.

(please note that my advice circumvents the view that you do not want to leave him for religious reasons)

On the addiction part: Take ghnl's advice ASAP

On the money part:

Do you have your own financial resourses? You have been married two years yet have children. Are your children from another marriage?

You may need to take measures to separate yourself from him financially and protect your own resources and credit.

Do not co-sign anything!

Remove your name from any joint accounts.

Try to set up a personal and household account in your name only. Contribute as much as you can to this account. If you do not work now might be a good time to start.

Next, see if you can get him to give you a specific amount each week for household expenses. Hopefully this amount will cover your household expenses.

For the sake of your own sanity do not ask him any question you already know (or suspect) the answer to. Tell your inlaws not to share any recriminating information about your husband.

Oh wow! Okay, I have since found marijuana in my car and surprised him with a drug screening. I figured that was all I could handle and made my mind up to leave that night. My family came over and made a point to "counsel" us, followed by scripture and prayer. I agreed to stay on the condition he gets help. He sought no help at all, and everything I have mentioned hasn't been good enough.

This is especially hard for me because I'm a full-time student and don't have a job. I graduate in 2 weeks, however, and have sent my resume into different organizations. I plan to start working as soon as I can. I have also decided to wait on buying anything with him (thanks for that advice, btw).

To answer your question, we have two children together. Our oldest was conceived shortly after moving in together, I wasn't the woman I am now if that tells you anything. It really is my own fault for getting into this situation in the first place, I was just like him when we met and started dating. When I started to "change," he stayed the same. All the problems we had intensified dramatically and to be perfectly honest, I knew I was making a mistake when I married him. But I had convinced myself that I couldn't raise a child on my own and didn't want to put our son through the same ****** I did when my parents divorced. Our yongest was a complete surprise, not that our oldest was planned but you get the idea.

I feel so stupid now because I *knew* I was going for it too soon but did it anyway because it was the "right" thing to do.

Rock and a hard place is where I live and it's my own fault.

Sorry, I'm just venting. I appreciate all the advice, thanks everyone!