Ok you said in some cases confronting the OW workd because the WH has lied to them. And in some cases its not good because they are just amoral...

so my question is , how would a BS know the diffrence? I have no idea what my WH has told her. I have a feeling he told her that I don't want him and am done...

Also I do know once she found out last time we had been having SF she blew a gasket and he left....

So what I am asking is should I expose to her that he was here monday and SF happen again???? Or would it be a bad idea? I want the bimbo to know but I don't want to do anything that would cause me more problems with WH ....

I'm following you over here...

Sorry...

The best strategy is for you not to be discussion between WH and OW. Your WH will know that he still matters to you. You are wanting to give him the impression that he is not your focus...

The focus needs to be on THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH EACH OTHER RIGHT NOW.. The focus of discussion about about YOU needs to cease with them....

You are not supposed to be thinking about WH and the OW today...

Better placed focus will be on the list BELIEVER has you working on and the RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR SON...

I'm trying to help you with your mindset....

DARK...DARK...DARK....PLAN B.......

YOU DO NOT EXIST TO WH AND OH......

PLUS:

When and if he tries to reconcile with you, Hurting, YOU WANT THIS TO COME AS A COMPLETE SURPRISE TO THE OW. You do not want to help her with a strategy to keep him in the A. She will go to great lengths to catch him and keep him if you warn her of his continued interest in you.. BEST FOR HER TO REMAIN IN THE DARK ABOUT THIS....

The evil lurking over there will try to suck you in... I KNOW....

Best to draw your attention away from them....

Follow me mimi, you are a big help..... I guess I am grasping at straws here.... I just remember what happen last time she found out and she booted him out.... Not that I would allow him home but maybe just maybe in my thick head I thought it would at least get him away from her ..

I learned that her booting him out has nothing to do with YOU, really.

It's the BREAK UP TO MAKE UP ASPECT of those type of Rs.. Lots of passion, lots of ecstacy that won't and can't last..Time and patience..Let them self-destruct on their own..It will be a blessing to your WH if you are still around because he will be a disaster when he is finished with this...

We are way above their level, GODDESS HURTING.....

Mimi is exactly right. I made the mistake of confronting the OW. It gave her great pleasure to be a participant in OUR marriage.

OK you have convinced me .... I won't do anything stupid like that....

I know in my heart this R of theirs won't last, just wish he could see that, he seems pretty sure it will be a forever thing....

hurtin, in your case, I very much agree with Mimi. The small benefit of contacting the OW, if any, would be taken away by breaking Plan B. She KNOWS he is married and does not care. You would just make the issue about YOU and divert them from finding out that she cannot possibly meet his needs.

Every case is different, and has to be taken on a case by case basis. There just is no hard and fast rule in confronting the OP. I am NOT in the school that believes that it is NEVER a good idea, because I know that sometimes it can be very beneficial, and so does Steve Harley.

So hang tight, hurtin, and like Mimi said: STAY DARK!

I'm not one of the vets, but this is a no brainer for me.

After D-Day I confronted OW once and once only. My objectives were:
1. Make it clear to OW that we were no longer friends and never would be again
2. Make it clear to OW I love my H and will do everything in my power to end their A, save my M, and make my H the happiest man on earth.
3. Take away her role as godmother to D10 and forbid her any and all future contact with my children.
4. Make it clear to her that if she continued contact with my H I would view that as a direct offense against my children and family and that I will be merciless in defending them.

Once is enough. Then the OW is not worth the time wasted ... it's just acknowlegment for the role she plays in WH's life. To you, she should be nothing but a passing heap of disrespect and lies. Why the heck should you acknowledge a heap of garbage (or anyone other than a doctor or a counselor, for that matter) with a blow by blow description of your marital sex life?

Save your breath for breathing something sexy and elusive ala Plan A in your WH's ear!

melody, mimi, beliver,

Ty all for your help... I will admit I have to agree with you all.. This woman knows he is married and your right she does not care.... I know in time something is going to rock their world ... I just hope I still care when the time comes ... Some days its very hard to care at all and some days I love him so much it hurts.... I just want it over ...
But as my mom would say want in one hand and spit in the other and see which one fills up first ....

Well lost kinda hard to put anything in WH's ear for now .. I am in planb .. But you are right what happens between my H and myself is none of her business .... She thinks he is being faithful to her so be it ..... In time she will see the truth .. I hope anyway lol

lol, Mimi cracks me up! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Sorry, hurt'n, that I didn't realize that you were already in Plan B....

How does SF fit into plan b? Did I miss something here? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> Or was SF shortly before Plan B?

Actually Lost SF has happen many times before planb. But monday of this week WH had to come deal with our son and I being the fool I was .... Slipped up in planb and fell for it.

Yes I messed up planb and it was a mistake.... Was in planb for about a week.... But I am back in the saddle again.. No more slip ups .....

what a bad girl! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Yes I was ...... lol

So what did you accomplish today?

Well I cleaned some house and went to the store .. Got my papers together for DHS for the food stamps ..... and picked up a sick child from school ..... So just a bunch of busy work..... Oh yeah I read Mimi's thread about her plan b .....

When do you get the food stamps? That will be very good.

Your house should be sparkling clean by now. I was going to clean tonight. I usually do most of the work on Saturday morning. But for some reason I'm tired, and having trouble getting motivated.

I have to go back with all the paperwork on Tues... so hopefully soon after that ....

House looking pretty good ..... my washer started acting up ... I have one of thosexpensive Maytag neptune things and the contol panel is acting up ... have to unplug it and reset it .... So gotta find the money somewhere to fix it


Oh reminds me WH called Sil today to tell her to tell son he better start mowing yards or something to pay that man the 200.00 on the cell phone or he is going to bring charges .... Now I am all for son paying for it but his dad is not going to help him at all. Seems he could help the kid out and then somehow make him do something to help pay him back ......

I missed the details on the phone, but think I agree with your husband. Your son needs to learn to be responsible for the consequences of this actions. I would tell him to get a job.

When my oldest was 15, he had a real temper problem. He hit our wall with his fist and knocked a hole in it. I let him know that he would need to fix the drywall. He said he didn't know how. So I told him there was a class at the local hardware store on Saturdays. He went, and ended up fixing the hole.