I am having a difficult time with a major decision here & wanted to get thoughts & help. My Dad & brother own a business about two hours from where I live. My brother has been trying to get me down there for a little over a year to work with them. I have been slightly interested, but I know that WH is against moving(and has been since before his A). I have gone to the trouble of going to classes & getting tested for my license to free-lance from home which will start happening in the next month.

Some changes have occurred in their business where they really need me down there. So my Dad made a special trip to see me yesterday and officially offered me a position with the opportunity to OWN the business when my brother is ready to retire. This is a huge compliment to me and a great honor that they have me in mind for this. My Dad is not putting a real time limit on this, but they do want to know if there is hope for this happening sometime soon.

I have mentioned to WH off & on that we could move down there, but it is always met with resistance. I have not communicated to him the greatness of this opportunity nor of my Dad's visit yesterday. My Dad's business is not a gold mine, but he mentioned that my income potential could develop into over 100K a year.

Neither my Dad or brother know of the marital problems, but I communicated to my Dad that WH was the obstacle in us moving.

WH is 8 days into NC and WD(HOW CAN YOU EVER BE SURE). I still don't know what the outcome of this whole mess is going to be as he is still in love with OW. I long to be near my family and take hold of this opportunity, but I know WH will not move.

I guess I am answering my question for myself as I am writing this. Do I want to save my marriage? Yes. Will moving without my WH save the M? I don't know......it could a form of PLAN B, but since WH is in NC I guess there is no reason for PLAN B. SO, I guess for the time being I need to buy some time w/my Dad to see if I can work out this whole thing with WH.

Any comments??

thanks,

Kimberly
D-Day, May 14th
DS, age 5
Married 13 years

Kimberely,

I am not familiar with your story. Could you give me some details about why your WH won't move, besides the OW?

Relocation is a very powerful tool. Next to exposure, perhaps the most powerful available

Kimberly -
I would hold off on making any major decisions like moving until the dust settles a little. Keep in mind that owning your own business can be very time consuming. It could be too much to try to rebuild your M and take on a lot of additional responsibility at work. Tell yourself you'll revisit the change in another month or so when you're farther into R.

Best of luck.

I agree with Cymanca that moving can ultimately be a very good thing to help maintain the NC. In your situation I just worry that moving to a new place and being very busy with a business could set the stage for WH to be tempted into a new A.

Hi Kimberly,

I do not think it would behoove you to move at this juncture.IMO,you need to be stable right now as you work through this NC.Of course,if your WH was agreeable to moving and maybe being farther away from OW? that would be great.

I don't know how you feel about it but perhaps being more open with your Dad about why you aren't moving might help.It does sound like a great opportunity but if you read up on POJA you both need to be sure and happy with decisions that affect the both of you.There should no longer be unilateral choices when it affects your marriage.That's what A's are(partly so).One person's grave choice.And,if your Dad isn't requesting you to be there today,you have some time to think.

Also,maybe you can talk with your WH and see if he would be receptive to discussing this issue again say in a few months.Surely right now,he is apprehensive about NC,withdrawal,OW and his future,etc.Making a move is probably just adding more pressure to his already over worked mind.You also want to show your WH that he is coming first right now and that you are there for him.If you say "Let's move tomorrow" then he may feel like your family is more important and that you don't care about his attempts to recover.Just throwing that out there are a possibility.

Maybe your Dad and brother can hire a "temp" in the interim? If they really need someone right away that is.

JMHO.

O

THanks for the response -

There a few reasons WH won't move - 1 - OW. 2 - He has never liked the area that my family lives in(small town) 3 - He is trying to work his real estate business here in a busy metropolitan area while working his second job. 4 - OW 5- OW 6 - OW etc.......

Trixie - I wouldn't own the business for years and years, not until my brother retires. So really, it would just be like a job change initially(WITH A HUGE MOVE). I really think relocation is an excellent solution. Maybe not right at this time....I think revisiting it in a couple of weeks might be wise.

Octobergirl - thanks for you feedback. I think I am going to have to hint to either my brother or my Dad that the timing right now is not good as WH & I are trying to work through some things. At least to let them know that I am VERY interested, but I need more time.

So, until WH is ready to move further from OW I will table the idea....

thanks everybody!

Kim

Oh, and I don't think WH is thinking about recovery with me yet. If he is truly in NC he is going to be going through WD for quite some time.

KIm