OW just sent me an email to let me know that WH emailed her this morning. She hasn't heard from him in months.
I have never met her but I asked her if it was ok for me to forward it to him to show him that she let me know about it. She said it would be just fine. She is starting to get a bit scared of him I think. His email to her asked if she was married yet. When she didn't reply he sent her another email that said something like, "no reply? Do I have to call you?" Well, she won't answer anyway if he does.

Things have been going so well for us these past few months and he's assured me he's over her. I thought we were in recovery. I guess not, right?

I haven't talked to him yet, because this just happened a few minutes ago. He knew his last chance was after dday #2 and now he blew it. Is this Dday #3?

thanks everyone.

Yep, sure is.

Did you really mean that line you drew?
Now what?

I say it is DDay #3. So now what?

so sorry suzy. I really am. He really blew it this time.

He's lost his freakin' mind... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Were you guys in MC ?

Suzy,

This is totally unfair to you. It ticks me off.

thanks to all of you for the jolt in helping me realize we have another dday.
Here is what transpired in the past couple hours. He is denying completetly and said that he wasn't even at his desk all day and so on. I told her that she will be forwarding me the original emails. He said then I will see they those emails were not from him. He is very upset and said how on earth could this be happening to us since we were doing so well?
I am waiting for her to get back to me with the email address that those emails came from or forward them to me or something. I've left her a voicemail and emailed her. Usually she does reply or call me right away. I am not hearing from her. That makes me wonder if those emails were from someone else and maybe she's too embarressed to tell me??

The background on this is that I did email her myself a week ago to see if he was leaving her alone. She said he was and she hadn't heard from him in months. And then boom she gets this email that she thinks is from him and also another one from me that same day. So maybe she didn't look at the email address. This could all be a misunderstanding. Is that possible?
I have to add that OW has been a good OW all along and done her part to stay away from him. If you read any of my history, I've said that all along. She does feel horrible about this.

Lexxxy, what line do you mean. the one under my post? Sorry - My brain's not working too well right now. Lol.

I heard back from her and she will forward me the email as soon as she gets the chance, as she has left the office for the day.
She supposedly does not know his email address so if it is someone else, then it will be me telling her that.

lashell825, I don't know now what. I'm so scared. I have to get more info first before I make any decisions I think. There will not be a Dday # 4, I can tell you that!!

Hi realtor* , thanks, yes he did blow it this time -- if those emails were sent by him. I'm 100% sure that OW wouldn't be vindictive and make trouble for us.

Pep, we were not in MC, unfortunately. He already mentioned in our conversation today that he wants to at least go back and see his IC. Not sure what that means, maybe he is lying and confused?

BHINWI, nice to hear from you again! It will be interesting to see if this is a big misunderstanding or not.

Unfortunately we are leaving to go out of town as soon as I get home from work tonight! Two hour drive with the kids in the car and I will not bring this up in front of them. This is going to be so hard.
I will try to check back in from my mom's computer a couple times over the weekend. thanks all of you!

Suzy,

So very sorry to hear this happening again.

I regards to who sent the email, have OW send the ENTIRE email with headers included. You can find the origin of the email, especially if it came from a fixed IP address, by the info in the header. Go here for the header info:

http://www.johnru.com/active-whois/trace-email.html

Suzy,

Keep us posted. Hope this works out.

Cymanca, thank you for that link!! I think this just may be some very useful information, if she can forward me the email.

I just posted another question on here about retrieving it
from the deleted items. When she went into her deleted folder to retrieve it, all her deleted items were gone except the ones she just deleted his morning. I'm afraid it may be gone for good, dang it. You know of any way to retrieve it?

This has been one rocky weekend. WH and I have not fought much but he is mad at me because when I try to bring up him emailing her, he flat out denies it. I said if it was not him, then I am very sorry I am doing this to us but if it is him, then how can HE be doing this to us?

On the way up to my parents this weekend, he must have told me he loves me about 6 times. Also he said how much he loves his kids and his family is the most important thing in the world and so on. It sure seemed sincere.
I'm beginning to think that he's a little wacky in the head though. Here is why.
OW also told me that a month or two ago, she could swear she saw him.
She was outside her work smoking a cigarette and she thinks she saw him standing on a nearby bike path looking at her.
When she started to walk toward him, he hightailed it out of there. She ran around to her truck and tried to follow him but lost him. She said she knows what parking lot he parked in and she went back there every day for a week to try and catch him, but she never saw him again. She even described what he was wearing. He wears dress clothes for his new job and all she ever saw him in is jeans.
She said she is not positive it was him though. So, I don't know what to think. OW and I could be making WH out to be a nut case and it may not be him at all! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Your OW is starting to stink - deleted the e-mail knowing full well you wanted to see it, can't retrieve it? Saw him on a bike path? Despite what she claims, sounds to me like she is creating trouble on purpose. Your WH's protestations that he has not been in contact with her may very well be the truth.

Regards,

BB

Suzy,

If she has a web based email such as yahoo, the email is gone forever except in the case when a subpoena is issued and the email carrier needs to go to its backup copies or mirrored sites.

I agree with Brit. I would look at evidence given by any OP as highly suspicious.

BB and Cymanca,

thank you for that. You are so right. I told him that if this is all made up or incorrect info that I'm so sorry I'm doing this to us. But if it is true, then how could he do this to us yet again when he professes to love me?
(Unless maybe he really is sick in the head and can't help it.)

I asked her what kind of email she has, if she uses Outlook or what. It's through MSN like my main email but I don't know if she goes in throug hotmail or not. We'll see!

Didn't she say on Friday that she couldn't forward it until today because she had already left work for the week? If this is on her work e-mail, why would she use MSN? Most company's have their own, in-house network that includes e-mail. If she uses MSN as her e-mail account and that is thw account to which the e-mail was sent (presumaby hotmail), then why couldn't she have accessed it from home and sent it to you? Why would she had said she would forward it to you if she knew she had already deleted it? Too, too many red flags. Me thinks OW is trying to cause problems - either because she is a scorned woman and we know all about ****** and fury and a woman scorned or because she thinks your WH will go back to her if you throw him out....

I would let this all go and not talk to OW again. My personal experience is they do not tell the truth, regardless of the circumstances.

Regards,

BB

The company she works for is a small one. She is the office manager and the email, believe it or not, is through MSN. I've seen an email from the secretary there also when she set up my WH's plane ticket for a trip a job he did for them. OW uses
'bossesname@msn.com' as her email and the boss, obviously does not use it at all. She sets up all his appts and such.

OW did try to send me the email over the weekend from home but she couldn't get into it then either. I got a couple emails from her this weekend also. I would imagine when she tried from home, she found it was no longer in the deleted folder either but figured she'd get it today when she got back to work? I don't know.....Believe me, I'm not sticking up for her mind you!!! I'm just trying to break it all down in my mind and straighten out the facts.

But, you are still right, I know I should let it all go. I just want my WH to leave her alone!!! I am whining....A persons guts can only be tangled in knots for so many months and then you just can't take it anymore.
Today WH asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I want him. I want to feel sure of his love. I want to be the only one he wants to be with. I want to renew our vows. I want so much....and it doesn't even cost any money!!

Hi all,
He pretty much admitted it, without actually saying he did it.
She emailed me back to tell me she knows it was him who emailed her because his username was a nickname that he previously used - or maybe a nickname that she had for him, I don't know.
As for seeing him there lurking she is as sure as she can be without saying shes 100% sure.

I showed him the email and he was pissed -- he said "well that was really nice of her." I said for telling me everything? and that pretty much summed it all up for me.

Now what? She may get the cops involved if he makes any attempts to contact her again in any way at all. Am I married to a psycho? He insists all of this is nothing and I am making a big deal out of nothing.
He wanted his marriage so much a few months ago that I truly thought that he meant it when he said all those things. Now, even if he thinks he meant them he obviously couldnt control his obsessions.
What the heck am I supposed to do? Should I just get rid of him? Honestly, my idea of marriage vows has changed now like you would not believe. I really don't care. All my married life to him I have turned away any man that has ever come on to me. I respected my vows. He truly showed me that it means nothing. Please help. What should I do?

When you say he pretty much admitted to it are you saying that what the former other/woman stated if true that he sent her the email and was at her place of work on his bike?


SUZY THIS IS A QUOTE FROM FRAGGLES TO YOU FROM A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO ----reread it and go from there.



""Hi suzy,

I remember you.
Look, he needs to be 110% transparent with you.
He needs to answer any and all questions.
That is why you still have doubts. Where there are unanswered questions, there will always be doubt.
Don't let him tell you that you are paraniod (paranioa is an irrational fear - your fear are rational!) His actions placed those fears there!
It is his job now to assure you in every way that he can that he is being faithful and wants to help you heal.

Try writing him a letter.
Spell out exactly what you need from him.
Have you two looked into MC?
Sometimes having a third party 'mediator' helps tremendously with dealing with those hard to ask and hard to answer questions.

Hang in there suzy!
Hugs, Frags ""