Yes, he definitely sent her the email and she is 99% sure that was him on the bike path. He was not on a bike. He drove his truck and parked it somewhere and walked and watched for her until she came out to smoke. Here is the email she sent me today:


[color:"red"]I KNOW it was him because the user name was a nickname he used and I never did see his truck. I only saw what I would almost guarantee was him. I tried to get over to that side of the highway to see if I could see his truck, but by the time I got there, nobody was there. It is a little strange that he would turn around on foot and quickly walk the other way. I would have had to run in order to catch up with him, and believe me, I didn't want to see him and don't want to see him. I would have rather smoked my cig in piece. Anyway, I think that's about it. He obviously isn't going to admit to trying to contact me, but I know the real truth. I am the last person who should tell you what to do, but with what you have been telling me over the last week, I honestly believe that he continues to do what he does with who he wants and continues to lie to you about it and doesn't feel bad about doing it. If he did, he would respect your wishes. Try to have a good day and just remember Suzy--- your not the bad person here.
[color:"red"] [/color]

Suzy,

This sounds so familiar to my WW's first EA. The OM would call me and tell me what my WW was doing.

It does sound like he is stalking her. Perhaps the OW needs to tell him to knock it off or she is calling the police?

My prayers are with you. This is so tough....

Keith,
I would call it stalking also. Isn't this such sick behavior - especially since she wants to stay as far away from him as possible. It seems like it just makes him want her more!

After he sent her the last email, she said to me, "Suzy, do I need to get the police involved?" I advised her to go right ahead and get a restraining order if she wants to. I guess people get through those all the time but I would be scared to death if someone was stalking me. Especially when it pops up every few months like this. She said she feels like she is always looking over her shoulder.

How are you doing these days? I've been on the boards so little these days and I see that you did get the D April.
You mentioned in one of your posts that you thought that someday she may be back on your doorstep.
Do you think you'd really take her back?

It depends, how many ddays do you want to have?

I'd have to tell him that our ideas on marriage are too different, and that we needed to seperate immediately, and d.

He's proven wholey unworthy marriage. He cant control himself, who wants to be married to someone like that?

I hate to be so dark, but you said this was #3? I assume you've applied MB concepts to this point? How would you plan B this man, assuming you want to save the marriage? He'd have to move out and get intense counceling for at least a year (?) then somehow prove he's not obsessing over any other women? Join a mens group? I just dont see that he'd be enthusiastic about getting the serious help he needs.

Eitherway, I'd have him move out today. No matter what he thinks, he's violated the marriage once again. There's no reason to think he will magically change. I'm sure your boundaries were very clear, NC, and he's violated that.

Were you ready for plan b/d? Are you getting ready? - Dru

Drucilla,
I don't want to have any more ddays. After the last one, I was sure he was sincere. I do believe he was sincere and truly meant it when he said he'd never contact her again as long as we were under the same roof.
It seems to me that with EVERYTHING he does, he gets real gung-ho about it and then as time goes on, he goes back to the same old destructive self. (Whether it be quit drinking, working on being a better person, treating the kids better, being a better husband.....everything!)

I just think how could he do this to me yet again, when he knew it was his last chance the last time. I still have the divorce papers. And, the townhouse that I wanted is almost done being built and it's still for sale.

OW said that it wasn't his work acct he emailed her from, he made up yet another new one (third one now). She knew it was him because of the nickname--it was one he'd used with her. She told me the nick-name. Makes me sick.

He tells me to knock it off and that I'm making way to much of this. In his mind it was a simple email (2 of them) and lurking outside her work to him is not stalker behavior apparently. He used to also make unwelcome calls to her from payphones and send emails that she never responded to. If he called her cell, she wouldn't answer.
She has not wanted anything to do with him for months, nor anything to do with any of the people they associated with as a couple.
She is afraid that he might try to contact her through one of their mutual friends, since he knows he dare not do it himself. She will get the cops involved if there is any attempt, even through the mutual friend and let me know if he does try to contact her in anyway, even through the friend. She told me if she ends up dead on the street, to please pursue it. I said I would.

Is there anyone out there who has dealt with this kind of behavior with WS or even themselves and been able to recover from the obsessive behavior?
I want to know what it is like to be in my WH's shoes to be unable to control his obesessions. Is it possible to recover and be a normal person?

He doenst get a vote, anymore. He doesnt get to tell you to 'knock it off'... Did he 'knock it off' at your request? No, he didnt.

It was only a 'simple email' because she didnt respond. If she'd responded, it'd be a full-blown PA, again. I consider 'trying to get laid' just as bad as actually scoring. 100% complete foul in my book, severest penality possible.

If he doesnt get help and get his act together, he'll find another victim. I would be very worried if I were her... this man is pursuing her despite a clear breakup and his wife being involved. I'd be freaked if I were her.

And if I were you, I'd be gone.

Even if he 'can become normal again', right now he doesnt seem interested.

What are you going to do? Plan B? Straight to D? or are you going to knock it off so he can get back to his life?

I'm sorry you are having to go through all this, again. Please take care - Dru

So is his game? Does he plan on correcting his errors or does he consider that your job to fix the marriage and he is just there for the ride?

Does he always slip back into his way of thinking when you start to soften your instincts?

What did you tell him would happen if there was a dday #3 and are you prepared to follow it thru?

I hope that you make choice with your head and not your heart because when does forgiveness becomes enabling (sp?)
your spouse to keep making bad choices without concequences for such bad choices.