I just do not see how it can change behaviour that was learned so long ago. His father treats his mother the exact same way. She just goes into another room and cries. So, thanks for listening to me, or rather reading this. I have begged and pleaded for 5 years for him to just be nice. He wonders why I don't reach out to him but I have no desire. It is kind of scary to me that really everything is shut down, and it happened so quick. It just took one more time and bing, that was it. But in reality,"it" happened over a long period of time. Does anyone honestly think these learned behaviors can change???
There are always exceptions to be found, however the general rules of life and psychology are:
1) MOST people can change if they want to and decide to. That is the bulk of the general population. The minority, SOME PEOPLE can learn coping skills to offset the behavior or avoid the behavior. OTHERS can't or won't due to genetics being overly too strong.
2) IF your husband is how you type, then there may be BOTH genetics, and FOO (Family of Origin) issues, which are a subset of genetics.
3) If genetics are the bulk of the issue, and i would suggest that in most cases where no behavioral change has occured despite requests and actions, then the probabilities are LOW, very LOW.
4) again, you will need to have a support system in place to help you with your understanding of options, both legal and psychological.
5) FInally, if you have children, and you are witnessing first hand how your Husband's family has passed down their behaviors to their children, your Husband,
are you considering short circuiting this (Family of Origin) teachings by removing your kids from this learning environment? if not, you had better consider that consequences continuing in this relationship is teaching your children, just like your inlaws taught your H.
good luck
wiftty
