This is what I was going to say!
He says her family knows, but I would bet that they only know a partial story. They have probably heard that he is "seperated".

You are getting great advice here. I just want to agree with it all. Start reading. Tough Love will be helpfull to you. Also "Hope For the Seperated", and "Surviving An Affair". Reading these books will give you hope becuase you will see that other people have been through all of this before, and gotten through it. Many marriages will survive infidelity, and can, in fact, become even better. See if your church library has any of these books. When you start reading "Tough Love" you will be amazed at the similarity to your situation. One of the post above asks what you are supposed to do for the next moneth. I say, you need to get started reading right now! You need to develop a plan.

My prayer for you is that you can develop a plan that will not be focused on just keeping your current WS. Your current WS is not the H that you want to build a life with, grow old with, retire with. You want a H who is truly repentant, ready to completely give up OW, and ready to committ to you 100 percent. Until your WS reaches that point, the best thing you can do is focus on being the best Mom, sister, friend, woman, etc. Read. Go to church. Play with the kids. Find things that make YOU happy.
Your WS is in for a very big fall.

You are in the very early stages of this - and my heart breaks for you.

Kloe- I talked to him and he will come home a couple nights each week to see the kids and give me a break, the whole day thing is out of the question because he works 21 days straight and then gets a week off. He has to be at the mine gate at 5 am and doesn't leave until 6 pm, by the time he drives home it is 7:30 or 8 pm
I will certainly have the kids call him often during this time and try to find reasons he HAS to come home, I wouldn't have thought of that myself, so thank you!
I have an appointment with counselor for myself on thursday, I talked with counselor a little on the phone today about WH and he seemed to echo what everyone is saying, it's time to move on to plan B.

You may be right, but I think they know the truth when he had moved out I found out where OW's dad worked and got his number and I told WH either they tell them the truth or I will. I then got to a point that I just didn't care anymore and let it go, but when he moved back home (and at the time was very repentant and very open and honest) he told me 1. that they had decided to tell her family the details and 2. the day WH decided to move home, OW had told her parents earlier that day that WH and she were living together.

I thank you for your prayer, you are 100% right that I don't want him back the way he is. I want him back 100% better than he is right now. I want him to rededicate his life to Christ and get the compromise out of his life, he has walked in the flesh for far too long and I am tired of dealing with porn addiction and lies and affairs (he has had one other PA that I know of, and countless internet relationships). Once he gets his life back on track with God, everything else will start falling into place.

I should add so I don't sound self righteous, that I want me to be 100% better than I have been too, I have made my fair share of mistakes and know that I am a big part of the reason why we are at this place right now.

Just found His Needs Her Needs at the library and also Love Must Be Tough audio book, now I just need to dig out my tape player since I haven't needed it for AGES. Started reading his needs her needs, and just eating it up, wow!!

I definately think you are on the right track. I honestly see hope in your situation, IF you stick to the plan. Your H is most definately fence sitting, leaving behind a family is a very difficult thing to do. Those evenings that he does come home, make sure you and the kids are in the middle of something VERY fun and VERY loud. Let him walk in and see what he is missing. Now is the time to try something new, different and exciting and let him be on the outside looking in. One day when he comes over, be making cookies and let the kids decorate them, be playing twister, go outside and have a water gun fight. Invite him to join in but when he turns you down don't let that stop the fun. Fill your house with the sound of children's laughter and fresh baked food, who can resist that?

Also, have a friend call you and leave the room to take the call. Giggle and whisper into the phone. When he asks who it was be vague and just say an old friend. Leave stuff laying around, like a print out from a website for belly dancing lessons or something equally exotic.

The key for Plan A is to show him what a wonderful, fun loving person you are. When/if you go to Plan B, you want him to look back at the Plan A time and wonder how he could give us such person.

Do not have any relationship talks right now. You need all your interactions to be positive. The more positive they are, the more likely he will come over and interact with you. See if you can find a funny joke and e-mail it to him and say I saw this and couldn't stop laughing. This will force him to think about you. Send him home with a batch of fresh baked cookies to take to work the next day, when he eats them he will think of you. BUT don't let him think you made them just for him.