Well it's been a month since my last post. She came home from shopping today...saying she thinks she could "fix" herself easier...if she wasn't living here. Told me of her "fear" of things not being the same...she feeling towards me being different but she still loves me. She had taken a week off to her parents 3 weeks ago...saying thst she and her I/C thought that the time alone would be less stressful and she wasn't going to worry of my happiness..."just a week for myself", is how I was told.
Yes, this hurt some...but I got busy, and went with friends..and really wanted to go there along with her too...but after 3 days she phoned and asked me to come..."She missed me", I didn't go...letting her know that she had hurt me...and she needs to see the results of her decisions...she now seems to be in the fog again...and doubts our marriage recovery? Any thoughts...thanks.

Dear Welderboy,
From reading other experienced posters, her wanting to move out is just an excuse to make it easier for her to continue the affair with o/m.

I know you will get some great advice.

Well...I don't feel if this is so. It's been 13 months since the break off of the A. I just think, that quitting the marriage is easier for her than working it out. Heck this is like the 5th time....then she'll start calling and we get back together.

Well...I went into work for about 3 hours this morning. FWW is still here, she's taking a nap...seems she spent the morning on the phone talking with her Mother. I kind of figured she would been gone...off to her brothers like she had did so many times in the past. I do know that her IC says she is suffering from post traumatic depression, and her Dr, wouldn't increase her AD's. W told me the other day...at work I feel like killing someone or myself. Is it likely that she can not get well living here? Thanks.

Nothing? Please let me know your thoughts...Help!

Wow, thats over my head. If it was me, I would contact her IC and tell him what she said and you are concerned for her mental health. That or the suicide hotline.
Keep on posting welderboy, by monday or tuesday other members will be posting on the boards again, Its slow on weekends.

Well, I worked around home today doing yard work and mowing. FWW did sit outside for a while and has called her Mom again a few times. I called mine also...funny how that seems to comfort everyone. FWW did talk with me and told me she would like to move out...It's tough, I think this is the 5 or 6th time she has left since Feb. 04. I pray she stays and we get help. Prayer please.

Hi Welderboy, I'm not sure how my advice will be tonight. I'm in a bit of a turmoil myself.

I'm not quite sure what's happening for you. You think she's NOT having an affair at this point. She's come and gone out of your life several times. Sounds like you've been thinking of putting in a revolving door. She's talking to her mom a lot. Where does her mom stand on all of this?

Be careful what you ask for. You want her to stay in your marriage but at what cost? What are your terms? Are you doing a modified Plan A? Do you think she may be contemplating an A? She is at a place where she will do what she wants to do. Clearly, she's been putting some thought into it. How long do you want to go through this?

I've just been peeking into MB today. My advice probably isn't very good but I couldn't let your cry go unanswered. Don't do anything foolish. Don't kill yourself or anyone else.

Hi Welderboy, sorry to hear your experience. As a newbie to this board, I'm probably not the best one to offer advice. Since it's slow, and I've been watching your posts, I wanted to let you know I can understand your pain. In a way, we can all understand how a WS would decide it's too much effort, and just give up. Think about it...what they did is embarassing, humiliating, and is an episode of their life they'd just as soon forget about. I'm presuming that you've already made it clear to her that your home is a "safe place" to work on recovery individually or together. WS has to know they won't constantly be getting this thrown in their face while trying to reconcile, and work on EN's, etc. I'm making this effort with my WH, but it's still pretty fresh, so I send a little dig over every once in a while. Best of luck!

Yes, our home has always been a safe place...but she says she has put allot of effort into this...and the "feeling" just isn't the same for me. I guess...?? she is looking for a estatic love that she doesn't feel anymore...but says she will always love and care about me. Right now...I don't know if she is goin to go in the morning? Thanks.

Welder,

Remember we can't control the WS. If she is choosing t/b a WS (even in spirit of the creature), then she needs t/b away from the family. Her presence would do more harm than good.

Sounds like you need t/b away from her babble.

JMHO,
L.

Thanks Orchid...I may have convinced her to stay...wrong, I know, but I'm truly hurt when ever she wants to go. I guess I'll feel things out today, and if she wants I'll let go and go plan B. Later, God Bless.

Well...I let her leave. This morning, I told her to go and fix herself, I'll just trust in the Lord.

Do you have your Plan B letter written?

(((Welderboy)))

This is the best thing you can do. Let her 'fix herself' while you heal and improve yourself.

My F(?)WH voices the same concerns that we may never be the same. But how could we? Do we really want it to be? I don't want it to be the same because there was obviously something that wasn't right...I now know where we went wrong. I tell my H, when he says this to me, that it won't be the same but if we both want 'us' enough then there is no reason why things can't be so much better than they ever were.

Please work on you...worry about you. Listen to Orchid when she says that we can't control the WS. You have been mixed up in this mess twice as long as I have and I'm about done with it all. Make sure that when all is said and done that you come out stronger, smarter, and happier. You have done what you can as far as your WW is concerned. Remind yourself of this and be at peace with the situation.

And, yes, trust in the Lord...you will find peace and happiness.

Tonight will be a long lonely night. But I still love her with all my heart and I'll pray that after time alone...she will want to come home for the right reasons. Thanks.

What or who did she take with her? Have your supporters been notified? They can be your extra eyes and ears in this.

Get your info through their sightings.

Pray for that clear mind and calm heart. Remember you want your W back, not a WS.

R u and the children safe?

Refocus Welder......you have been there before. Need to get you over the fear of the unknown. You are surviving. You do want to see the WS wither away and your W come back. She can't unless you make it clear you don't want the WS character in your home but you want your W back.

Go hug your kids and do something fun for and with them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

We have no children. I went this evening on my Harley to my parents, my older brother was there also. Then I stopped at my best work friends house for awhile. He is single and has been through this stuff. He has always been a supporter of mine. He said he could see the "something wrong" in me the last few weeks. Funny how afterr 4 or 5 of these false recoveries I start to see and feel it coming. This was the 1st. time she had ever moved in front of me, I was strong and as calm as can be. She is real "nest like"...she took all the decorations, photo's, candles...lamps etc. Our home is in the country and truly charming when done up. Anyhow, she cried and prayed with me prior to leaving. She also, asked me to be safe, don't be stupid..."drinking", and told me several times "I love you". She offered me a couple of her Adavant....and I declined...she then asked me for NC for a few days. She said that moving this way..instead of as in the past...she did it unkowning to me...made her feel better as a person. I'll be cool...the longest she had ever had NC was 5 days once. I want my W back...Thanks folks. Please pray for Mrs. WB.

Hi Guys...I made it through the night, like I did many times before. I just wanted to send this back to the top...cause I'll be working and most likely not get back here for at 12 or 16 hours. Thanks.

WB,

Glad to hear u r ok. I know these are hard times. The alienship has a strong pull on our families. There is no magic pill or weapon of destruction that can conquer it. The tool available to us is tough love. It hurts but it helps.

We r here 4 u.

Hugz,
L.