Bob - I'm in a quanndry tonight which I'll expand upon if you are around. But basically, what is the UK law regarding children being around OW when we are still legally married. Pretty sure HK law follows same system. WH wants to spend more time with kids if OW is involved. I'm adamant I don't want this but can he just do so without my consent? Anyone else in England know about this? tt

TT, I looked briefly last year, but it didn;t look good so if youremember I planned to take my kids illegally but untouchably to Dubai if Squid had demanded access with OM.

Try calling Cafcass Click Here or Relate Relate [censored] Here for fee advice.

Personally I would skin the batch before she spent a second with my kids. Your WH wants time with the kids ? F'k him, He dumps the skank, else you're preparing them for divorce, not recovery.

Can't you drag it out without hurting the kids more until Feb when you can apply for your own visa ?

Hello TT.

In Britain, parents have joint legal responsibility for their kids.

You have the right to introduce them to anyone you see fit. Unfortunately, so does your WH.

My WH doesn't seem to be aware of this - he's pretty clueless about the real world. So I've managed to insist that my kids don't meet OW until after we are divorced.

However, he could legally introduce them tomorrow. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

hey TT

how realistic is it to take them back to UK for good, get custody via his abandonment ??

Obviously means you'd need a job etc in UK I guess.

just sucks I reckon TT.

Thank you for the links Bob. I will check them out at a more civilised hour. Just had my sister on the phone and filled her in on today's events.

Aussie - I can up and go anytime I like. I must admit when I was home visiting my family this summer, I felt maybe I should stay. But I had given myself a two year plan. My eldest daughter is embarking on her GCSE's. She is thriving at school. The thought of uprooting her from her home (she's lived here 11 of her 14 yrs), taking her away from her dad, friends, school, to go half way around the world is more than I have the nerve for. She has 2 yrs to get used to the idea. Also, I don't have a home to go to. I have a great home here in Hong Kong (rental) which WH pays for. Also, he told me today I would make his life easier if I went to England so, out of sheer bloodymindedness, I will endeavour to stay.

Alphin - glad you're still fine. How's that dodgy neighbour of yours? tt

This is an update on my situation. I came back from the UK full of Divorce but once I arrived I mellowed. There is so much history and so much to lose. So I decided to offer a shot at reconciliation. Of course I did this way way back but at the time, the A was new and exciting and I didn't stand a chance. I thought that perhaps since 18 months had passed, his perspective might have changed. Back in June, he drank a bottle of brandy and spent some time on a window-ledge and perhaps that was my chance to offer another chance. The trouble was that at the time, he was so full of self-pity because she'd given him some ultimatums, I couldn't stand his attitude.
Anyway, Sunday is his day with the girls but he didn't show up until 5.30 pm. It appears I am standing in the way of him spending more time with his daughters because I won't allow him to introduce OW to them.
He doesn;t want to reconcile because he just cannot envisage us getting over it. He said he doesn't trust himself to not contact OW. I don't understand how he feels but he can't let her go even though he's tried (yeah right).
I asked if she understands the complexity of his illness and he said she knows he's sick. So why did he call me to let me know his latest blood test results (potassium levels were elevated is probably hard to translate into chinese!).

He has never given us a chance to recover. I find it difficult to accept he doesn't think we're worth fighting for. He used to be such a doting dad.

He wants out so he should divorce me. He told me to get on and do what needs to be done. So of course, I'm reeling. Why on earth should I make it easy for him. I could rant all night but I have to work in the morning. It's way past midnight. I don't know how he can sleep at night. He is so physically sick (creatinine levels are now 600 to any medical buffs). I just don't how anyone can screw up their life so much.

Aaaaaaggggghhhh. TT

Oh tt, it sucks. I am sorry. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Yes, it does. Outright rejection. She is like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction and is all over him like a rash and he LOVES it. Here's a nice touch. He left a bag of OW's clothes for my DD14. "It's stuff OW no longer wants but it's really nice gear." I'm sure it is cos she's got money but does he need a reality check or what? I have a filipina lady who does a spot of babysitting. I'm sure she'll be delighted. He's gone cuckoo.

Told me his life would be easier if I were in England. He got used to not seeing the girls over the summer so he knows what it feels like to not have them around. One day this will all come back to haunt him, I swear. tt

TT it is rejection of you, and it must hurt. TEMPORARY rejection during an affair is hard enough, but your WH has had a LONG time to get over that hasn't he ?

You have to start getting over the rejection so you can think practically TT. You know that.

Its rotton for you. Yoru WH is a [censored], and I suspect he knows it.