Dear Seekingchange,
I made this offer a few weeks ago also. I put a lot of thought and effort into this offer. Believe me, I know what it is to take care of another person. My mil took care of her bed bound mother for three years, getting up every two hours to roll her mother so that she would not develop bedsores, feeding her babyfood, bathing her, changing her diapers, changing her sheets with her mother in bed. Having one of the family come watch her while she did anything. So, the answer is yes, I know what it means. My heart would not let me do it before, and I raged against god. I felt in my heart taking care of my mil was the right thing to do for her and my husband before, and that god was going to judge me for not wanting to do this. I chose not to take care of her, but found one of the nicest assisted living facilities and started back to college to get my degree in Business Administration so that I could help her stay in this expesive nice facility ( mother in law doesn't have a lot of money) She thrived in this place, but my husband's emotons were spinning out of control, worrying about his mother's downhill slide in mental and physical problems along with coming to grips with the fact that when she dies, he is the only person left out of his parents and siblings. I spent most of my days doing homework and attending to things that needed to be done around the house. My husband led a seperate life and found himself leaning on the activities director for comfort and advice on his mother's condition and eventually our marriage (grr!) He eventually fell in love with her, from all the en's that she was taking care of while I was busy with my own business.
I know what this commitment means; things have changed; my heart has changed and softened, and I no longer feel trapped or obligated to do this. This is something that I am offering to help easy my husband's pain. I am offering this to him because I love him, and I don't want him to be unhappy. Believe me, I know what this will mean. I have also explained to my husband that I would need, someone to take care of her on the two days I go to school, and I would expect him to have a couples night out with a caretaker to attend to his mother.
