So here’s my update:

WS is packing his belongings and shopping for new things for his bachelor pad. He seems fairly happy when he comes in from his shopping trips. New pillows, kitchenware, linens, framed photos.

We also have a houseguest; an old friend of his from college (female) who fled N.O. because her house is flooded out and life in the city is pretty insecure and dangerous. She is staying in the guest room that I had painted for the student I hope to board in there once WS has moved out (Sept. 10) and that means I had to move back to our marriage bed. Really uncomfortable, it’s a supersized King but when you are divorcing, any continued contact makes the bed too small. I told WH to sleep anywhere but the bed, and he got a sleeping bag and is sleeping on the floor.

The guest is shopping with WH right now for the new apt. My son wants to help Dad move too. The whole thing is like “Oh, what a jolly thing! Daddy’s setting up house somewhere else, and meanwhile let’s pretend nothing has changed.”

Well, yesterday I asserted myself. In the morning WH said “Some friends are coming with a truck to help me move next Sat.” So, I asked “Which friends?” knowing full well that he has only ONE – OW. And by connection, her family. “OW’s H and his brother.” So, if anyone had any doubts of whether the OW’s husband really thinks their friendship is harmless, positive, etc. forget them. Later I told him that slipping that information to me casually at the table while our guest and our son were wandering about was cowardly because he had to know I would be upset by it. “They’re my friends.” retch.

I also told him “You’re taking the dining room set.” (An ugly, outdated, bulky thing that he had when we married. Years ago I asked for a new one, he refused.) “No, I’ve bought a new one.” “Well, unbuy it. Take this one. I want to get a new one.” “No, I’m not taking it. I’m leaving it here.” “I hate it. You made me live with this thing all those years, and now you’re buying yourself a new dining room set?”

After shul I moved the whole thing out onto the front lawn, table and chairs, and scotch taped a sign onto the table leaf, “FREE”. He’s been treating me like poor white trash all these years. His reaction? Upset. Trying to talk to me about not doing anything to show that we are having a conflict in front of our son. Not wanting to talk in the house, but on the front lawn where DS couldn’t hear us. Shopping bags swinging from his hands, following me around. “You wanted the divorce, I’m just going along with you.”

Is it just men, or is it cheating spouses who don’t get the damage caused from having EMA’s?

I've upped my Zoloft meds.

Good for you Belle,

Stay stong and determined to get rid of him and his baggage. Don't be surprised if you have to make him go in the end. His whole happy dynamic of talking to his "friend" behind your back and putting the blame on you for being uncomfortable with it is about to change.

I think I put up with things so long that H thought anything and everything was OK. When I started getting firm about things he asked me why I was being so mean.... I don't think he ever got the damage he casused. Don't get me started on the just friends thing... you know I can go on for days on that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


I think you should go buy the dining room table you want.
{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

I don't think most WS get it. I think there's a lot they don't get. However, sometimes one of them will have a change of heart and work hard to repair themselves and their marriage.

Grrrrr. Growl. Oh yeah, I'm buying a new dining set. Shopping onthe net to get ideas of what's out there.

He came out to the kitchen, apologized for not realizing that I wasn't just kidding about hating the dining room table, felt really bad that I felt that way -- he is trying really hard to smoothe things over so that the split can be "amicable"

I also told him that comparing the painting and fixing things up in the house had given me the message that he really never wanted me there from the very first. HE tells me he is sorry, that he thought the dining room table complaints were like the painting the house complaints 0- a running joke. The shnick forgot about when we were in couple therepy that he botched and moaned ad nauseum about my "taking over the house and remaking it in my own image." Then in thereapy he was serious.l But now he's got the last week moving out and he's telling me it was all a "running gag."

Yeah, gag me.

Yeah, just friends. I'm going so crazy. Even with the zoloft.

I took Son to a friend's house, we rented videos & are watching them. I can't stand being in the house pretending we are "happy divorcing family." "Civilized divorcees."

NNNNNNnnngggghhhhhhh. Hnnnn. Grrrr. Can't stand to be around him. Insanity. Thbpppt.*#&#@

Willing to bet the farm that my WS will never "get it." Feel like my heart is being wrung out. Thanks for posting cinderella.

The friend I am visiting is out on a date with her boyfriend,but invited me to make myself at home with our son. She is divorced, went through it years ago.

Gptta go. Boys are crabbing about my being on the computer. Thanks, girls.

you go !

don't you stop, any he says will be manipulation, and when reality finally hits, and he has been living alone, and his children rebel against him, and he doesn't have any dates or people to take care of him,

then he might wonder what went wrong in his life. . .

but that is a very slim chance.

you go !

wiftty

Your present situation is a short story of my whole life. The only difference is that no one, even his family, could see that his OW was a good thing. How hard that all must be for ((((((you)))))). I can recall the pain!!!! It can be excruiating. Good plan to spend some time with your son away from it all. How old is he?
I feel for you and hope you will get the peace and serenity you deserve real soon.

I believe addictions (which infildelity is) is like having an elephant in the living room and no one will even look at it or point to it and say, "There is an elephant in our living room". I think it is a survival technique to deny and deceive oneself. It would be impossible for a WS to acknowledge that degree of cruelty to themsleves while in it. Denying it may be a way that your son is coping too. It will slowly be a realty some day for WS to face.

My WS, who thought his "love" for the OW was real and he was gonna make it work, has now discovered what a huge mistake it all was. they are no longer and he is alone. How sad for so many.

May God give you strength.

TW

wifty, I wish reality had hit sooner for him.

As for the OW/OW family,they will welcome him into the fold once again. And i'll be living with the fact that H will be reintroducing our S (16) back into their family. As far as his EN's, the OW has been meeting all of them but SF. And he's willing to forego that one as long as they can talk for hours at a time.

What hurts is to see him in love, growing more in love, than he was with me. Putting more into her than he gave me. I got a sliver. She got the whole tree. (vent, vent, vent)

Hi, tossed wave.

DS is 16. But a young, sheltered and innocent 16. Sux, donnit? On the good side, he's learning to drive, and becoming more independent, and hopefully I picked the best time (if there is such a thing) to make this change. He'll be all involved with his friends, school, etc.

Elephant - yeah. Our therapist could see it, others could/can, but he's blind.