Hi, nice to meet you all! I just found this website by accident.. and apologise for the long missive that will follow...
My Mum passed away a year ago... a year before that, I was made redundant after 24 years in the same job... both things hit me hard... maybe I didn't cope with it all as well as I might have done... I was married for 18 years until 9 years ago and my ex left me for another woman at work whom he was in love with, he has not contacted our son for nearly 5 years.
I met a great man, we have a 6 year old daughter together and he was my rock, and he said I was his..
Until recently..
He kept asking me to get grief counselling, but I said I needed to get through it in my own way.. and yes, my kids have been neglected and yes, he has been neglected.. I was just so caught up in my own problems, and worrying about my Dad... but I thought that my partner was 100% behind me... Then, last week, I found some texts on his mobile.. saying 'and I love u 2 x' and 'that's why you love me'.. he denied he was having an affair, said they were just good friends, that she helped listen to him when I was at my most fragile.. and that he didnt want to bother our friends or myself.. because they are too close to me, and I dare say would have stuck up for me! He swore on our daughters life that it had not been physical.. he saw her at work and at her home on a few occasions when her Mum and kids were present (she is a single mum)... however.. since this revelation, this week has been fabulous for us, we seemed to rekindle our old days... he had spent 2 weekends ago with the kids at his parents, to give us breathing space... it was a turning point for me, I realised I had my family to live for and that I love him and them so much... but when he got back, he was still distant...That was on the Monday, and on the Thursday, it all blew up re the texts.
I made him go to work to tell her they could not be friends any more, which he did.. or said he did... but.. this morning, I found more texts from her. She had ignored his request for no further contact. And he texted her back, he said it was just about life in general... but... I rang this woman after I saw the texts, and she had said that they were just friends, and had not had sex,,
However.. after ringing her today, she confirmed that they HAD had sex, and after last Friday when he had told her to back off!!! He denied this, says that he only slept with her once, between the Monday and the Thursday.. She said that she wants to be with him, and that he was with me just cos he doesnt want to not be with our daughter.. damn, I am going cold just thinking about it...
She warned him by text that I had called her today, and when I got home, he just said don't do this in front of our daughter... so I walked out again and went to a friends.. when I came home, he said that he NEVER had sex with her AFTER he told her to cool it... who do I believe??!! I find it hard that he and I have been close sexually since then, if he had been sleeping with her in that week... he said he wouldnt do that, that this past week, he and I were close like we used to be... he said he doesnt think he wants to be with her, and thinks that he wants to be with me!!!
He's at a hotel tonight 'to think', same as he did on the Saturday after I found the texts..
Meantime, I am sitting here at midnight, crying my eyes out...
He said it was never 'her or me', that she was just a friend to listen to him... so how the ****** did he end up having sex with her??!?!?!?!?! And in the week that he commented that I was more like my old self!!!!
Damn, sorry, I have waffled...
He kept saying last week that I was gorgeous.. and that we should sell up and move away, run a business together...
All this when he knew that he was lying about the affair..
HELP!! Please... advice???!! Thank you so much xxxxx

Hi Ellie...

So sorry that you are here because of this, but welcome to marriage builders, it's a great place to be considering...The weekends are pretty slow here almost always, but especially this one, as it is a holiday here in the U.S.A....Also, you will get much more help on the General Questions II board under infidelity...can you copy and paste your story there?

Read all that you can on this site...Get and Read the book Surviving An Affair by Willard Harley. Your first goal here is to bust up the affair...affairs are based completely on fantasy and do not survive the light of day...the most proven and best way of doing this is exposure. This means letting everyone that has importance to or influence on your H(husband) and/or the OW(other woman)know exactly whats going on...this means friends, family, places of work, etc....this is not meant to be vindictive, only to allow reality to get between the lovers and hasten the end of the A(affair)...Does anyone know about the A yet? Does the mother of the OW know that your H is married? Do your H's parents know what he is up to?

Give as much info as possible, and definitely repost to the other board that I mentioned above...there are many wonderful people here that will be glad to advise you in your current situation...

Blessings,

Mrs. Wondering

Welcome Ellie, glad you found us. I'll second Mrs. Wondering on reading Surviving An Affair. His is in a fog if he's in an affair. It's hard to deal with the inconsistencies coming from your husband, but is in typical in an affair situation. He doesn't know what he wants. He won't know. There are things that YOU can do to "help" him decide and come to his senses. Read everything you can on Plan A/Plan B on this website. He's sitting on the fence now, once there is a real chance he could lose you (because YOU might decide it's over) you get your power back and it can make things very clear for the WH. Affairs tend to have more of a grip on the WH than he will admit, even to himself. Drastic action is usually required to end an affair. My H had to quit his job after a relapse. We take NC (no-contact) VERY seriously, because we've learned that we have to. Just telling the OW, Please don't text me, isn't likely to end an A.