I posted awhile back, i just found out today, yes he was having an affair. I found a poem he had written to her. He told me she did not know about the poem, Let me tell it was really sweet. A liitle back ground WH just turned 41, she is an old high school sweethesrt who blew him off back then, She now has a very successful bussiness, kids and a husband. Huibby says they just talk on phone. I really feel that she would not leave her life style to be with him, He cannot afford her. He is living with his mom and dad now. Monday night he called me all down in the dumps woe is me, i am such a bad person yada yada. He spent that night with me in our bed, next Am he started writting a letter at our table. I ask to see it he said no. So today while he was here with children i took off and went to the camper he staying at ( moms backyard) Found the poem, I am thinking she has turned him down, He looking at history on PC, he has been changing his email password, I am sure they sent each other emails that way. At any rate when i comforted him today he told me he was not sure if he was in love with her or just the memory of high school, We haev 3 children, and he already pays 500 a month CS for his son from another marriage. We haev been together for 14 years, I also ask him why he still spends some night with me and comes to see me every day, HE told that he comes to see our children and That he enjoys my company

On his email passwords, he had changed them to keep me out. So why does he feel the need to change them again. I know he knows i do not know them.

Watch the situation very closely, and if there is continued contact, expose the affair to OW's wife.

I have been married for 15 years, my H and i have 3 children 10 8 and 6. He left me in july. Said he needed a few days to figure things out. It went from i love you too much, to I am not sure if i love you or in love with you. Now its i love you as the mother of our children. Reasons he gave for leaving was that i did not stand behind him with children and was a sloppy housekeeper. I retired in april, we worked at same place he was hoping to replace the boss who was retiirng, With me gone it would give him a better chance. Well he did not get it, he has had some health problems during this. He still comes over and we have a a good sex life. ( i know should i still let him in my bed)He stopped wearing his wedding ring about 3 weeks ago. I had never had mine off since he placed it on my finger, he know how much that means to me. Well i took it off sitting next to him, I ask him to put it back on my finger and he did. We cuddle alot while watching tv, and most always end up in bed. He has ask me for a divorce 4 times, but he has yet to see a lawyer, He is helping me with the bills etc. Yesterday i found out that he is talking alot to an old GF from his high school days, she is married, I am told that she is happy with her hubby, last night we had our frist fight since all this started, He said some really hurtful things to me. Later in the night he called and ask to come over, He told me he knew our children would never say it, so he would, thank you for keeping our house clean for the children. ( this was one of the reason he left me) I started to cry ,itold him i was sorry for crying, and it was the frist time he ever told me he was sorry. Am i just grasping at straws to think he might come back to me and our childen? He still spends 2 to 3 nights aweek with me all night and we sleep together like old times wrapped in each other arms. I still lov ehim and if he having an affair or maybe thinking about i can forgive him.I should add i am 44 and he just turned 41. My frist marriage his second. God help me i love him so.

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cc46
Member


Reged: 11/08/04
Posts: 544

This is what i frist posted.

I think your situation is very promising. Remember that the WS usually DOES come back to the marriage.

A lot of folks here suggest continuing SF if the WH is still interested. A lot of times they are not. I have a problems with it. We have several members here who contracted STD's here, from their partners - HPV, herpes, clamydia.

We also have a poster whose WW died from AIDS in April.

For some reason (still haven't figured that one out) WS's never seem to use protection. For that reason I don't encourage SF with a WS.

Of course, lots of us didn't have a choice. My WH's affair had been going on for 6 months before I found out.

I know we are all hurting here, its really nice to know that we are not alone. I hate that any of you are here. Hugs to all of you.
Every time my H tells me he wants a divorce, he always, always finds a reason to come over and spend the night with me. I know I am a fool. But with him doing this it gives me hope, am i wrong for thinking hope is there?

H was just here, he mowed our lawn, He did not come in to say bye when he got done. When will the hurt stop? I am in limbo, I wish i knew if he was comming back to our marriage. Sorry i just needed someone to talk to now.

Guys i am lost should i give the poem that H wrote to owh? If the affair is over and that is if, I know H thinks he loves her or just the memory of thier HS love, What is owh kicks her out?

Bonnie,

So sorry for all of this in your life.

Here's my fifty cents worth of advice:

Tell H you want him to come home. There is no way you two can work out your issues as long as he's out of the house.

You need a NC letter from him. Ask for it. Tell him how much you need it.

Then, do the best da** Plan A ever.

And regarding the poem. Yes, give it to the ow's H today. If there was no A, she and her H can laugh about it. If there was an A that's over, her H still deserves to know, and it will prevent the A from resuming. If the A is ongoing, it will help to end it. Do it. Don't be afraid.

My humble opinions:

There is no way you are going to recover your M unless NC is in place.

There is no way you are going to recover your M when you H lives elsewhere.

Your H is cake-eating. I don't care what the ow told him - as long as he is living in a trailer, coming by for sex whenever he feels like it, not pulling his weight as a husband and father on a daily basis, that is cake-eating, fence-sitting, and he has to stop it. You need your H and your kids need their Dad every day.

Sit him down and have the talk. Let us know how it goes. Good luck.

I am so glad i found this board, Sunday when i told H i had the poem he wrote, he was calm. Well today when i finaly spoke to him LOL he was soo mad at me. I should not haev read his thoughts that he had written YEA right. I told at least i knew now. He told me it was over we needed to talk about how to split things up . And he wanted joint custdoy of our children. I was calm, knowing this was a normal reaction to plan A, He told what hope he had for us was gone when i searched his things. Next thing you know he is telling he is thinking of moving back home to spare bedrom, but would no way be my husband, Just for kids is why he is thinking of comming home. I'm looking at this as a chance to make our marrriage work, should he come back. Right, i mean if we are living apart how can we put right what was wrong. Grounds rules would apply if he comes back . The most important rule being showing me respect, Heck he might not move back in, but maybe he will. Any advice good bad or indiffer

last night Hubby moved back in, only for our children, he has agreed to stay in our marriage for them. We did sleep together last night. He has agreed to no dating. Lets hope it all works out, of course i will keep a close watch on him, Maybe in time he can find the love he had once for me, Thank you for your support. I really hope this works out.