I left the foram for a while because I found I was getting pulled down by reading some of the posts. Some really helped and had good advice on forgiveness, etc. Don't get me wrong, it felt good to vent and read that others were going through the same problems and feelings of anger, hopelessness, etc. I felt vindacated in my feelings and started langushing in them. God has shown me another way. I knew this other way but I was not walking in it. This is not a self righteous statement, but in fact the very opposite. I struggle with this on a daily basis. What I'm talking about is Love. Loving God with all my heart and my neighbor as myself. That includes my spouse. Proverbs 10:12 says, "love covereth all sin" and Peter 4:8 says, "charity (or love) shall cover a multitude of sins." Proverbs 10:12 says "hatered stirreth up strifes: but love covers sin." John 15:12 Jesus said, "This is my commandment, that you love one another, as I have loved you." How did Jesus love us? He died for all our sin and for all the sin of the betrayer, he covered sin with his very own precious Blood. Love covers all sins, even when there is a multitude. You ask what does this have to do with H or W affairs? Everything! Jesus when asked by the Pharises about divorce said, "Moses was given the divorce decree for the hardness of hearts, but from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female." If we cannot walk in love towards the betrayer and OP, perhaps it would be better to divorce. This comes from the conviction of my own heart. Some of you may think I'm preaching at you, so be it. I'm not! I'm trying to share with you what God laid on my heart. I have been rehashing what happened in my own marriage, I told my pastor, this foram, my adult children and now I'm paying the price. Instead of covering my H sin with love and taking it to God so he could change the circumstances I wanted people to feel sorry for me as I felt sorry for myself. I'm not saying the pain wasn't real, and still is, I'm saying that I need to grow up and walk the way of love. I need to live 1Corinthians 13, "If a man be overtaken in a fault, you which are spiritual, restore such a one in the spirit of meekness; considering yourself, lest you also be tempted." If we are Christians, we are spiritual, this is a Christian foram, right? The first thing most people want to do when they hear of somebody being overtaken in a fault is to reach for the telephone! They don't want to cover that fault with love and silence or restore the person; they want to talk about him or her and their fault. I'm guilty of this! Guess what I fell into the same sin. I repented and I want to be covered by God's love and forgivness and don't like to be reminded of it or have it held over my head. But yet I still held bitterness in my heart against my H. After I told my Pastor about my H, who is very loving towards me and my H even after I blerted out this info. I was convicted deeply in my heart. My H has repented, and even if he hadn't thats God's business. I guess what I am saying is this. I came to this foram because I believed it to be a Christian foram and that I would get help and correction because I knew if I continued to hold bitterness and unforgivness in my heart, not only would my marriage suffer but I would suffer. I am not out of the woods by any means, my prayer is that God takes any bitterness out of my heart as it is dangerous ground and hinders my walk with him. I cannot change my H, only myself by yeilding to love. Perfect love casts out all fear and love bears all things. God does not ask us to walk in love, he commands it. Some of you may find this post difficult to read and be resentful of it, I hope and pray not, I'm sharing the conviction of my own heart and am striving toward the mark, LOVE: suffers long, is kind, not envious, not puffed up, seeking not my own, not easily provoked, thinking no evil, bearing all things, believing all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things, love never fails! When Jesus was on the cross he prayed, "Father forgive them; for they know not what they do" love was personified. Please Jesus help me to walk in this kind of love. Help me to speak the Word in Love and to not speak on the sins of others or Judge them for their wrongs even when done against me. To Bless those that hate me and dispitfully use me, help me to walk in perfect love, not as I perceive it but as Jesus personified it on the cross. Help me to die daily to myself that I may live unto you and LOVE the way you do, that is my prayer for myself and all Christians reading this post. Bring me to the foot of the Cross and cover me with your precious Blood! God Bless all and love to you all, Ginn

You have got to know I love your post. I am currently reading a book on 1 Corinthians 13. Thank you for your words.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Ginn - <P>Thanks so much for posting this inspiring message. Before my W's affair (which she is still DEEPLY in, unfortunately), I was pretty much a lapsed Catholic. I went to church 2-3 times a year and thought that good deeds would be my pass into heaven. HOW WRONG I WAS!!!<P>When the hurt, anguish and total destruction of my self esteem was complete, I was led into Christ's fold by my wonderful sister-in-law. I started reading the Bible and spiritual guides, listened to Charles Stanley tapes and finally...FINALLY...understood what it took to be a Christian.<P>While it is true that this is EASILY the hardest, most unimaginable pain that I have ever endured, I fully understand that love and forgiveness will be the key to my complete recovery. Since I invited Christ into my heart, I have had a peace and calm I've never experienced. This is not to say that I don't feel the extreme agony brought on by my W's betrayal and abandonment, but I KNOW that God is with me and that I will be OK. His plan for me is PERFECT and WONDERFUL...He just hasn't revealed it to me yet.<P>I continually pray for my W's heart and soul. The Great Deciever has his claws deeply imbedded into her now, it's just a matter of time before God breaks the connection. I used to ask God to have her return to me. Now, instead, I pray that God teach her to return to Him. If it within God's will, I've prayed that God use ME to help her return to Christ.

Thank you G.<P>Don't go away from this forum just yet, you just might be able to help some of us that are Christians stay on the straight and narrow.<P>God Bless.<BR>TNT

I have finally caught hold of God's love message. It took much conviction from God. Every where I turned I received the message from him. Finally what did it was a booklet sent to me through the mail for free. It's called Faith Worketh by Love by Kenneth Hagin Jr. It's just a dollor to order it, but they sent it to me. Talk about God's timing. It is not our spouse that is the enemy. We have an enemy who came to kill, steal and destroy. Our words out of our mouth should only be the Word so to still the enemys rampage on our marriages and our lives. Thank God for his mercy and grace and that he does so many things to get through to us in his merciful love. Now that I got his message I am not soon to forget it and stand on his Word for myself and my family. God's Love to you all, Ginn

G-<P>This is really a spiritual war - this infidelity. The spouse isn't the enemy. <P>TNT

Trustntruth, It really is and I guess thats what we need to realize and battle the enemy with the Word, (Like Jesus did)!! I encourage every one to learn how to do spirtual battle. Stand on the Word. Something I heard that has helped me recently is to seek God's Kingdom first, get it in my spirit, keep my eyes on him. When the devil comes to lie to me about my S or myself or our past I remind him of his future. We battle not against flesh and blood but powers and principalities. I'm not saying its easy, its an everyday battle, but I'm a scrapper and I'm not going to give up! He is a defeated foe and I'm going to wage war on him until he is defeated in my life! I realize my H is going through this life the same as I, unfortunatly he had more baggage. He as well as I have been victim to Satans plots. I will stand against the wiles of the devil until he is able. To those who are divorced already, you can still stand for those spouses that left, but be lead of the Lord. The Word says you are free if the unbeliever leaves. Not to be in bondage. I'm going to fight, anybody with me? Lets give the devil a black eye. God bless and love to all, Ginn

Shattered1, I love what you have said and welcome to the fold. What you say is excellent and God does give you the peace that surpaces all understanding. His Grace is sufficient for all our needs. You say it well and I'm so glad you posted. God Bless you and strengthen you! Love, Ginn

G-<P>There is a really good thread by Enlightened, I think it was titled "Signs from Above". You can read one of stories there, and I think you would agree with me that God was warning me of the plot that Satan had for our marriage.<P>There ARE power in our words, through Christ Jesus. The enemy is not our spouse, definitely, and God is into restoring marriages. <P>With that knowledge, I have confidence in God.<P>Glad to see you do too!<P>TNT<BR>

TNT, thanks, I did go back and read all the postings. They were great! And I do believe that God does give us warnings and speaks to us so that we can stop the devils plans. The Bible says my people die for a lack of knowledge. By knowing his Word we have a sharp two edged sword to fight. Praise God he is on our side for restoring marriages. My Pastor preached this Sunday about getting on our faces before God and doing spiritual battle. But several months ago he was lax in this. One man in our Church spoke to him about doing spiritual warfare, and I know this young man prayed our loving Pastor would get the message. He has and is on fire about it. Praise God! I believe that the ministry I was in all those years ago and all the people that stood for God's standards and prayed against divorce that he is answering these prayers. I heard the D rate is going down, but first and formost the Church has to come back to its first Love, Jesus, till death do us part (from this earth) and we will reign with him in eternity. When ever I start getting down, I remember where I'm headed in not that long from now, (even if I lived to 100) this world and its problems disapear. Love and Peace, Ginn

Ginn,<P>I too loved your post. I hope you do stay. Thanks for the insight.<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

Ginn7777,<BR>I love your post because I have been there from the moment I found out about the first of 8 affairs that I know of. She still is not treating me kindly, yet I know that in order for her to understand and for me to have peace, I must show her the love that God has shown me. It is Him who is loving her through me though she doesn't understand. <P>The enemy is Satan who puffs us weak humans into thinking that we are in control when in reality we have control over who has control: God or Satan. Keep praying and studying. The studying is how He speaks to us directly.<BR><P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR>

Hi Rob, have you read Hosea? Chapter 2:6-7 Hedge up her way with thornes. This book reminds me of the Church now days in America. Thank God he is merciful and will do everything to bring us back to our first love. We all need to repent and return to him with our whole heart and remember where he brought us out of. Keep loving her and know God is working behind (sometimes infront of) the sceens. Stand fast, and when you have done all to stand, keep standing. God bless you Rob and keep your eyes on the redeemer of our soals. I only feel bad for those who do not know him. They need his saving grace whether they realize it or not. If you ever want to e-mail me my address is ginn7777@uswest.net. I will stand with you! Love, Ginn