Thinking about you .... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

loy loy
boy foy
banana rama boo foy

Yoooohooooo <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

halloooooooo ???

Here I am!

So here is an update.

I got a little bit jumpy considering Plan B and have been trying to just chill. I had been looking for proof that the A is still on and kept finding evidence that it was, only to discover that my information was flat out wrong or inconclusive. Not the best way to chill. Especially since so many nice things have been happening for WH and I; there are still some blah moments, but we are bouncing back a bit quicker.

1. I do not know how long the BS suspects a there may be a secret life. I do not “know” if the A is going on still, but MC suggested to me that since I once thought the A had been over for as long as 6 months and I was wrong then, to expect at least twice that amount to believe that the A is reality over.

2. I do not know how long it takes the WS to understand the difference between transparency vs. soft truths but it seems that WS's have a learning curve with this item. What they view as protective behavior is not, but they have to learn this. The calling card issue has been a perfect example.

I just started Lexapro and have experienced the great side effect of insomnia. So I have been feeling a bit dull but I’m now getting my bite back.

WH and I have had two great Saturdays with our daughters at our alma mater that has brought back a lot of positive memories. WH even said that last Saturday it was the first time in a very long time that he was able to just have peace and be relaxed. We are both starting to relax more together and WH is lightening up. Our MC says she has noticed a huge change in his demeanor and that he sounds clearer and good.

I am going out of town to a meeting in Anaheim, CA next week and WH is coming with me. It’ll just be for 3 nights but there will be no children and it coincides nicely with our anniversary.

WH has talked about some longer range plans for our family that include: fixing up our home, selling our home, what we should look for when we buy, and while we are not ready for this now he mentioned that he thinks about having another child.

Also, WH defended me to our MC. I was supposed to draw up a list of questions to ask WH about the A and review them with the MC and she was going to go through them with us. MC was surprised that I did not have all of my answers about the A already, but I had been waiting for her. And then she lost my list of questions and WH knew how much work I had put into them. Plus she seemed to put all of the responsibility on me to get WH to reveal all of the important information about the A, which WH did not think was fair. How would I know all of the best questions to ask?

There is a subtle shift going on in our lives, like when the seasons change. So there is a difference…

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

thanks hunny

Thanks for thinking of me Pep...

Look at me, I'm incorporating a <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />!

Things are continuing to go well. This weekend WH actually invited friends over to watch Monday night football and he hugged and snuggled me and played footsie with me. It wasn't really gross public displays of affection or anything, but it was nice that he was comfortable enough to do this in front of friends. And there was one nice moment of sexual tension in the kitchen.

Also, WH joked around with his friends. A bit of his humor emerged. During the A he lost his humor and put as much distance between him and his friends and family as possible. This is a difference.

As for me, I am feeling more up beat with bursts of joy mixed with bursts of dull loss. The joy part is increasing and the loss part is getting dull.

I'm trying to observe how honest I am with my feelings. Sometimes I get annoyed when WH asks me ot do things before work that would make me late. I'll think he doesn't respect me and my work, blah, blah, blah. I am not sure what to do with this information yet.

There is my little update. If my knowledge is correct, Thursday will mark 111 days of NC. Thursday is our anniversary.

Just got back from CA. I have never seen so many BMWs in my life.

WH hurt his foot pretty bad.
We are talking. WH was a bit moody because OW lived in LA during her brief movie career and he was thinking a lot about her and us.
Had some fun. No really.
OW called WH on cell phone and didn't leave message. WH told me about it as soon as it happened. Shook us up for a bit.(I hate everything about their affair).

Affection between us is huggy, cuddly, and brief pecks. I am concerned that we are not more physical, and I really just want to be closer to him so I suggested that we start dialogue-ing again. WH thinks that is a good idea. We are going to start this week.

****** side note *****
Our eldest is potty training and told described a constipated trip to the bathroom. "That poop scared me." She was very serious.

Just got back from CA. I have never seen so many BMWs in my life.

It wasn't me or 2Long you saw... we drive regular vehicles <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> .... oh, wait, 2Long's vehicle is not "regular" .... but it's not a BMW.

****** side note *****
Our eldest is potty training and told described a constipated trip to the bathroom. "That poop scared me." She was very serious.

so cute! too cute for words...

WH has really started to open up to me last night and this morning. He is talking. I am listening.

He wants more than anything for us to be a family. But he’s not sure if it’s the best thing for me. I deserve someone who can love me better. I told him that he didn’t fall in love with OW on accident. It was something that he chose to explore and find out where it went. He agreed. He has thought about that. I also said that he was a jerk during the A and so was OW. They did not honor each other and asked that the other dishonor themselves for each other. (This was very brief but I am tired of us being compared to that).

He knows that I am better for him, and thinks that he needs me more than I need him. He thinks he would never be as complete without me but thinks I would adjust without him and be fine. He asks himself everyday if he is doing the right thing. I said that sounds like a lot of pressure. He said it is. I asked him if he thought of changing his question. He said, that’s a good idea. To what? I said, maybe you can ask “how can I love my family today?” Maybe I should try that, he said.

He really felt the pressure of romantic commercials while we were on vacation, like that’s what we are supposed to be and we’re not and it’s his fault. Has he ruined everything? Destroyed our chance to be a happy healthy family? He talked about this a bit.

I mentioned the lack of passion and how I am not as concerned about that as I had been in the past. Because I know that we had it once and that we can have it again. However, I would not stay in a passionless marriage. I said, I know last time wasn’t so great and that it was better with her. He said, well, not compared to when we were strong. I said he has sex differently now. He said not necessarily, that last time he was just trying to push through it. I said I don’t expect us to be great together right away. We also talked about how we fell in love. It wasn’t burning passion right away, we were friends for a good while before passion emerged. He mentioned that if he knew we could get this back, that he would have all the confidence in the world that we would make it. That we were perfect for each other in every other way.

He did most of the talking. He said I am the sweetest person he knows, and that I do my best to be sweet all of the time. I said, if I try to be sweet does that mean it’s not as true? That its fake? He said no, that trying to be sweet is much better than being sweet on accident.

He woke me up at 7 a.m. calling from the road. He said he was a mess right then. Didn’t know what to do. I said you’re really trying hard to control your world and the outcomes. He said yes, and I haven’t been doing a good job. I said it’s so easy to put other things or people before God, but then we are just turning either them, the stuff, or ourselves into idols.

I said, perhaps all he really needed to do was put his life in God’s hands. Stop trying to lead himself and have faith in God and just follow His lead. Said he’s been thinking about that. He mentioned how every decision he made he agonized over, and thought it was the right thing to do. But when you look at it all together, only a crazy person would’ve taken that route.

We wrapped up the conversation and I said I hoped to hear more from him today, I really like his phone calls. He has since called twice.

I really listened more than I talked and didn’t try to correct him. But maybe I did too much correcting? Maybe that is poor listening?

All in all, I think these conversations are very good steps.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I'm still here .... keep posting !

sex & passion

wanna discuss ???

I have experience with overcoming my self-doubts in regards to 'comparrisons' being made .... I did this on my own with no support group ... so I made it up as I went ... but it worked for me (us)

sex & passion

The big comparrison I have a probelm with is WH's saying he feels no desire for me. Well duh, he can't have desire for me if he is also hiding from me.

But it is hard for me to be there, in the moment. I feel evaluated. If we can make this part of our marraige work, then WH would know we could make it. That is enough pressure for both of us I think.

We've been putting the sex before the passion and that seems somehow to enfore WH's fear.

Also, he is so afraid of us failing that he is scared to try.

******side note*****
Book I am reading: Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
Book WH is reading: Orthodoxy by G. K. Chesterton

OUCH !

I think he is lying by the way <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

start walking around with an accidentally open robe ... be more seductive .... and unless there is a reason not to .... have a little champagne chilled Saturday nite.

"start walking around with an accidentally open robe ... be more seductive"

More tips on being more seductive.

I have some cute night things, but it seems there might be something of value in the "accidentally" thing that is perfect for a WH who is afraid of expectations. For instance, if I was to come on to him.....

Have my shirt be a little bit more unbottoned...
Rub lotion on my legs in front of him...
Ask him to rub my back...

Thats all I got. Any tips?

You think he is lying?

got thong?

Get dressed in front of him in the morning before going to work...

Borrow one of his shirts to wear in the evening..with thong only....

What I do have at my disposal is $100 in Victoria Secret gift certificates from Chirstmas. I was still breastfeeding at the time and didn't want to invest in my ample boosom.

Which was very wise, since it left me. Just like I knew it would.

And yes, I employ thong.

Good ideas..