Hi, it's been a few years since I have been here. Last time it was due to husbands lies. This time he came up missing 2 wks ago for 2 days. He picked up a prostitute in a town about 1/2 hr from here, and decided to
do some drugs with her after 6 yrs of sobriety then called the police to pick him up and was taken to a psych hospital, claiming he wanted to run in front of a car. I would be pretty depressed after doing something like that too. When I arrived at the hospital he told me everything he did. Everyone might say at least he was honest, but was there other times too? He says "no". Has anyone admitted to only one time, but had others they do not admit too?

I wasn't trusting him prior to his doing that anyway, not sure why though. I wasn't making love to him, having many female problems with fibroids growing, lots of bleeding since July and supposed to have surgery.

He has come home and it's difficult not to have resentments right now, and I read Harley script on resentments. I feel angry when he is around me, and I certainly don't want him touching me.

He cried alot the first few days in the hospital, but now I'm not sure how remorseful he feels or if it's real. He takes alot of meds, and not sure if he even feels at all.
Physicians just prescribe him meds that are addictive, of which they aren't supposed to. So I feel like he's intoxicated by them all the time anyway.

We have a 3 yr. old who doesn't understand that much about this, and a 15 yr old who does understand, and I'm just trying to keep an emotionally healthy enviroment for them, smiling at my sons, and then turn to my husband and look at him with disgust, sorrow, and I can't even bring myself to talk to him. He is so surface talk anyway. Talks about the bills, the appointments for the day, what he has to do with the car. I told him I don't think it's a good idea to drive the car though. So now I have to drive him around, and I don't like that either.

His best friend took me around looking for my husband when he was missing. After my husband arrived at the hospital, his best friend asked him "why did you tell her that you were with the prostitute?" Well his friend called this morning and I told him I will not discuss with him anything concerning me and my husband because he expected my husband keep a secret of his infidelity, and then I hung up on him. You see my husband and his friend belong to a 12-step group, and his friend said he said it because of the 11th step, (Don't tell if it will harm someone.) Now, I wonder how much he has done to his wife and never told her. Wow!! So now I feel betrayed by my husband, and his friend. I'm afraid when they talk what deceitful advice will his friend give him next. My husband has other friends hopefully they will speak the truth to him.

I have not made any decisions as of yet, don't know if it's worth all the stuggle to try to keep going in this marriage. I have removed the rings from my finger because I don't feel married to him. I don't feel "one" with him anymore.

Sorry you find yourself back here... I don't know really what to say... it sounds like you've been through this drill before with 771 posts. Are you trying to decide whether to stay with him?

Yes, I was here before with marriage problems, that is when I began not trusting my H due to some lies he told back then. MB was a supportive place then, and that's why I'm back. I learned alot, unfortunately life got busy, and I soon forgot to practice what I learned. Many health problems w/ H, 2 surgery's, in and out of the hospital a few times, baby. Trust still was very little for my husband. I always thought since I caught him in a few lies then, he would just be more careful for me not to catch him in the next lies. It seems the marriage has really only been about him. He talks alot about himself, He, He, He.
I would tell him "you can't just think about yourself all the time when you have a family"
It has got to the point where I have felt I have lost my identity in all of it. Now it's worse. I know where I went wrong in the marriage, but it seems he always wants the total focus on him, and if it's not that way he is a mess. Now total trust for him is gone. I could almost careless what he's doing. I have 2 children to think of and I feel like I have to protect them. I made conditions to him coming home this time.
1. That he will not be able to be alone w/ 3 yr old child. No specific time, maybe 3 months to make sure he stays sober.
2. He cannot drive because we don't know where he could end up missing again. And being he thinks of suicide (ASB Attention Seeking Behavior) when he does something wrong like seeking a prostitute and doing some drugs. Then after the event he feels like suicidal. He likes to have a "good time" (but not my idea of a good time), then all of a sudden he wants to run in front of a car, then go into the hospital and be coddled. He wasn't coddled this time!!
3. We will have to put checking account in both names instead of just his, because he spent $400.00 on his relapse.

He was telling me yesterday all things he has to do. 90 meeting in 90 days. He is changing Psych because the one he has has been prescribing him controlled substances which is a no no to a recovering addict. He came to that decision w/ therapist yesterday. I raised my hands and said "halleluah" to that, so that is a +. I know he will have to recover from the pills too. He has had the same therapist for years, and has to start journaling again.
Okay, now he has recovery to start all over again, and marriage will be back burner. It was all about him before w/ extreme pride, thats why he fell so hard and now it will all about him again. I don't know if this man is capable of taking on a family.
Last night I was pretending to sleep, and he was rustling in the closet, and I saw him with a pill bottle in his hands, my son came in and he hurried and put the pill bottle in his pocket. Now I know the meds he takes, and his reaction of trying to hide them makes me wonder what is going on here, and I saw him take his regular nightly meds earlier at bedtime maybe 10:00pm, the next time was a 12:30am when I was pretending to be sleeping. It was as if he was waiting till I went to sleep. And then I woke up again at 3:00am, and here he was rustling in the closet again. I haven't seen different meds, but I may have to do some snooping. I was almost afraid of being in the same room with him last night. His behavior was really weird. This is getting so long and I could go on and on. If you have any words of wisdom for me, please share them with me.