Im incredibly depressed and I know I deserve to feel what I feel right now, whcih is nothign compared to what my betrayed bf feels.
He confronted me on Sept4. Some how he just knew that I had cheated on him with someone else. I fessed up. I would never deny anything to him and I was planning on telling him when the time was right (we had just gotten back from a vacation celebrating our 6 year anniversary, and 2 of his best friends had just ended their 6yr and 8yr relationships due to infidelity on the gf's part).
When he said " we can't be together any more", I felt my heart drop to the bottom of my stomach. I felt sick. But what was I to hope for, right?
Then he started saying all these things that I had longed to hear before I had done what I did. I never knew he could say these things--"don't you wanna have kids with me?". "I've given up everything for you". "I actually believed that a guy could be in love with a girl".

For 6 months (feb/05 to Aug/05) he had moved to another city, 13 hours away. I knew it wasn't a good idea, but he disagreed with me and reassured me everything would still be the same--i told him i had a feeling it wouldn't, i was scared of losing him because I know distance can create some drastic situations if you do not work hard to keep them away.

Then 2 months ago (June/05), he came back for a short visit and returned to that city. I barely got phone calls from him, not many msn messages, and when we talked on the phone, ther really wasn't anythign to say. I was depressed as usual from being away from him, but I made him a promise that I wouldn't call him to nag him and tell him about how sad and lonely I was without him here. I did that in early Feb/05 when he first left, and he said it drove him insane that I did that. So this time, I really tried to be strong and not bother him wtih my emotional problems.

And then in August, about 2-3wks before our 6 yr anniversary, i did it. It was stupid, i wasn't thinking, except for the fact that I was upset/angry because he CHOSE not to return in time for our 6 year anniversary, Aug19.
At first, he was like "im not coming back on that day but i definitely promise to make it up to you" and i (at the time) honestly felt completely ok wtih that.

Despite the fact that I had that day planned out to the max (for the first time in our 6yrs together, I actually had something good planned out for our annivesary. I thought he would be proud of me for coming up with such a great suprise--i had football game tix reserved, dinner reservations at a very very nice restuarant, a limo, and even a ring which i returned after i found out he wouldn't be there on that day).

I asked him why he decided not to. He kept saying how much he really wanted to be there on that day, etcetc. So i just asked. Why can't you make it back for Aug19?
ANd he replies ,,"it's not that I can't, i just CHOSE not to". Of course, i dont support the reason behind him choosing not to, because of rental situations, but that's besides the point.

His concious decision added to the fact that I was already feeling neglected for teh last 2 months. Even before anything happend, I wrote him a letter about how worried I was about wht I was feeling for him.. "nothingness".

ANyway. this is a long post. I am now begging for him to take me back. I love this guy, and realize how stupid and lucky I am to have met someone so special, who would do anything for me. I don't deserve him, and I don't even deserve to look at him or breathe the same air. He's so mad at me, he's so hurt. My heart hurts for him and if I could ever turn back time, obviously I would not have done what I did. I want to spend the rest of my life with this person, and am now playing the waiting game with crossed fingers. I hope he decides to take me back.

How old are you? Six years and no marriage yet? How come?
We need details about your relationship, not just history, but actually how you relate to eachother.

Im 22 and he's 23.
NO marriage because he has this stigma about getting married before age 30. I've always secretly hoped he would propose but alas nothing. That also makes me sad, esp since many of my friends in their early 20s have gotten engaged within the last year.

We relate to eachother pretty well. Up until the last 2 months, our chemistry was great, i had that warm fuzzy feeling whenever i thought about him (which has come back, despite being lost from june to aug). Although, he never really wanted to do the things that I wanted to do. It was tough trying to get him to go out with me, for walks, just to hangout. He always had to "check his schedule" and "get back to" me even for the silliest little spur of the moment activities. That really pissed me off.

But the other night, he started crying, and said he was so proud of our 6 year relationship, how he thought we were different from everyone else, and how we could have bragged about being committed highschool sweethearts.

im so floored recalling all of this. waht floors me the most is seeing him in his sad state, all of whcih i caused.


does this info help?

"I love this guy, and realize how stupid and lucky I am to have met someone so special, who would do anything for me."

Huh? It sounds like he will do very little for you. Don't listen to his talk, look at his actions.

it's tough to actualy analyze the past now because i'd be completely biased towards him.
except for the last two months, it was pretty good id say.

before he left for 6 months, he always said its more of the emotional/psychological connection we have that would keep us together and keep everything the same so that nothing would have changed when he got back.
i didnt believe it. i think that is the violation of one of the rules MB talks about. we were not enthusiastically all 100% about his decision to leave for 6 months. deep inside i really didnt beleive it would work. but i still went along with it to show i love and support his decisions.

i am just not happy right now with the fact that nothing will ever be the same. albeit, its been day 2 since d-day but still, i just know it will take years to even return back to normal. if you can even call it that.

It sounds to me that you blame him for your A.

A friend of mine was about to cheat on her H. My FWW and I told her about my FWW's A. She was in shock when she realized the ramification of an A. She told her H that she was lonely and didn't like the way he treated her and that if things didn't change she ws going to leave the M and look elsewhere for what she needed.

He is working his [censored] of to fix things now.

There is always a better path then having an A. You screwed up.

CD,

Its good that you found this place.

How much have you read? Have you read Dorry's guide for WW's? It contains a lot of things that could be helpful to understand. You can look for posts by Dorry or do a search and there is a link in her sig line.

What about your BF? I realise its only a few days since dday, but do you think he would read here or post here?

good luck

Look...you guys are really young. You were 16 & 17 when you started dating. In reality, neither of you have grown much emotionally INSIDE of your relationship. Everything outside is normal, but you guys are emotionally tied to the teenage love stuff.

This is hard for you because you don't have any experience saying goodbye in a serious relationship. I had an experience very much like yours (4 yrs) and her fooling around effectively ended it.

Are you sure it's worth staying together at this point? You are most likely not "different from everyone else." That's star-crossed adolescent love talk.