Hi,
I have been posting now for 2 months (D-Day).After exposure (1st week of affair) My ww left me and came back to cake eat. When that didn't work out she did everything she could to get me to seperate from her. finally I granted her wish about 10 days ago. I just couldn't take the pain of finding love letters and having her dissapear all night. She actually called one night and said "try not to worry about me so much. I know it's hard for you". This happened 5 days before I just said time for you to go.I couldn't plan A under these conditions any longer.

WW is now sleeping on her younger sisters couch and looking for an apartment. she won't stay with anyone else (6 sisters or parents) because she can see om without any interference from youngest sister.I have done full exposure(7 weeks ago) om wife, family ect.. The om wife does not care because she seperated from this scum for the behavior he is exhibiting now. she just said "he is scum and you should get away from your wife because he will make her scum eventually too". I hate to say it but she has been right so far.

I am at the point where I feel there is nothing I can do. Once ww finds an apartment we have to sell the house for financial reasons. She is aware of all this but is willing to give everything up (13 years, 7 married, House, memories, future, family relationships ect..) for this scumbag. She now is convinced she is in love.
I am trying to plan B but because of financial reasons I have to contact her at least once a week to take care of business.I know she is gone now and I don't see us reuniting once we are both established somwhere else. she still wears her ring, which really confuses me. If she wants out so bad why does she wear the ring?? I took mine off after she left, it's just too painfull to wear it.

Anyway I know this rediculous affair will end someday, but I feel it will be too late. I am getting lonely and crave female companionship myself now.I know it is wrong but I am really lonely and want to move on so bad. Some force is holding me back though. It's the hope that my real wife will somehow snap out of it and return to me. I can't live like this much onger though andI have found an alternative residence. My plan now is to cut off most contact (business only) and move out as soon as she finds a place and sell the house.What else can I do at this point?

Why sell the house just to pay for her apartment? It's HER apartment...let HER fund it. If the house IS a joint asset, then let the divorce lawyers assist you in the division of property WHEN/IF you get to that point.

She wants a place to stay so she can continue the affair? Then let her pay for it on her own.

When my wife was in her withdrawl and we were talking about seperating, I made it clear that I'd help her get a job, but she was going to have to be totally self-sufficient...I was not going to pay for two households.

How terribly you've been treated. The temptation to find solace with another woman may become strong, but DON'T DO IT.

I would call her bluff and file for divorce. No more punching bag for you, understand? What the ****** is calling you in the middle of the night telling you not to worry? Get pissed, man. You're better than that.

Tell your wife: "If you want to work on our marriage, we will do so while living under the same roof. Otherwise, I'm filing for divorce."

That's what I would do anyway. I was luckier than you- my FWW stopped right after D-day.

Good luck.

kdh -
Sounds like a really rough time for you. I'm sorry for you. As a BS whose WH did not stop his A right after D-day, let me offer you my take FWIW...Hang in there a little longer...2 months is not a long time in the scheme of things. I know it hurts like he**, but your gut is telling you you're not ready to file for a D. Don't file for a D, unless you're really sure that's what you want and not because you think it will bring her back. Set a time limit for yourself - 2 months, 3 months, whatever you think you can stand and wait to make any major life changing decisions until then. I'm not saying be a doormat for that amount of time, just don't give up without a fight...you'll look back later, regardless of the outcome, and know you did all you could to save your M.

Good luck.

I'll try to answer the both of you.
First: the mortgage requires both of our incomes to pay (CA). When she finds a place we can't continue to keep this place. Besides the state that she is in she might just be willing to destroy our credit with a forclosure. screw that I want to at least get some cash out of this. she can do whatever she wants with her half of the money. I can't legally stop that. Besides I am not giving all my cash to lawyers. my plan is too divdie up all the assets during seperation and file for an expidited divorce after I am settled at my new residence.If I file for divorce and she agrees, our assets will go to lawyers and be tied up for months. I need the cash for my business and a new residence.Also, my ww is so screwed up right now I will be long gone with $30,000 in the bank by the time she wakes up. I have a plan my friend, it just hurts sometimes.I amnot financing her affair. We both make our own money so she can afford to find a place on her own. She has never been on her own and I know things will crumble for her fast. She has always had to lean on me for responsibility (keeping track of bills,handeling domestic problems ect..).She is convinced she can make it fine on her own, i know better. She will end up bar meat for predators. At this point it's her choice and she will have to learn the hard way.

Second: I have already been pissed off long enough. Her staying here only increases that anger and hurts me. I know she wants to continue her affair. I tried to plan A and establish NC for two months.She would stay out of touch for 2 days max. and then persue a relationship with him again. I came to a point where I realised she was so far gone that NC will not happen until the affair runs it's course.I don't have the energy anymore to pry them apart. they are both screwed up in the head and maybe they deserve eachother. She is addicted to om.At least with her out of here she can no longer cake eat at my expense.I wish there was a way to force it but there just isn't, beleive me I tried. All the anger and hostility, theats got me nowhere.When i finally did Plan A right she was way gone and would not stop contact with om . it was a waste of time. Now I am taking action to take care of me. If she doesn't snap out of it in a month or so (time I need to take care of business) I am gone.

Thanks,
You're right. I don't weant her to come back because of a threat of divorce. I tried that before and living with her was ****** and hurt me even worse.She didn't stop seeing om and I just had to let her leave and jump into the fire you know.I am not being a doormat at this point. I am letting her find out on her own how rough it is out there.I only discuss the selling of the house and business matters with her. She needs to know that I can make it without her.I made the mistake of giving her the impression that I needed her around to fuction. I don't and she will see that in the next month or so. She wants to cake eat while we are seperated and it won't happen.

What makes this so hard is the fact that we share so many mutual friends. her family invites me to events and on trips with them even though they know our situation. They love me and know that I am a part of their family and don't want me to go. They don't support her affair and it's really uncomfortable around them.She won't listen to anything they tell her. We went on a short trip for labor day and I ignored my wife the entire time. she attempted to get my attention but i just casualy let her know that emotional support from me was nonexistant as long as she is eeing om, by brushing her off. i still had fun with her sisters and their boyfriends so it wasn't to bad. It really pissed her off though.
I don't want a divorce but I am realistic about this. Once we establish new residences I will move on and I know that.I will not stay seperated and alone for months on end waitng for her.Heck during that time I could be having fun and living a better life than this.

kdh,

Sell the house NOW! If you wait a few more months it won't have the value, the bloom is off of the rose in the housing market right now, so sell now. You don't have to divorce to do this, simply contact a real estate agent and get moving on this. I suspect your W will sign the papers but get ready by moving the house now before you HAVE to move it under duress.

This is financial advice not marriage advice. Get things under way. YOu two can buy another house later, when she comes out of the spell of OM, IF you want to do that.

Please think about it.

God Bless,

JL

I know this and have already contacted several agents. Two friends of mine are in realestate. The market where I live is not off the bloom my friend. It's a very desireable neigborhood with a lot of demand and little supply. It has never taken more than 1 open house to sell Condos in my complex and the asking price is always over bid.As long as I get it done before winter time I am good.I beleive I stated that I was planning on selling and then divorcing a few months later. My plan is to do the necessary repairs and sell in the next month or so, not 3 months.I am not going to divide up assets via court with this idiot.
Thanks for the advice anyway.