I am back to square 1. It has been about a month plus since my affair was ended and today I was contacted by my ex again. She sounded genuinly concerned so I replied and talked via IM for a couple of minutes. I sent her an e-mial reveling some of the things that my wife and I are doing to put things back together again, and made a suggestion to help her find someone else for her. I never should have responded but I did. Needless to say she followed with several text messages to my phone and e-mails that my wife got before me. I would have told my wife about the contact today but there was a policeman at my house when she arrived home and it was not a good time to further upset her. (yesterday was her birthday, now I screwed that up too) My wife saw the text and e-mails before I did and now she has left again, I don't know if she will be back tonight or not, and I'm not sure what to say even if she does. there is NO excuse for me doing what I did and I feel as if I have cheated on her all over again. My wife and i have been working to make things better but I guess we have focused too much on sexual needs and not others in the mean time.

Did you ever write a no contact letter?

no, but I am going to suggest that when and if my wife comes home tonight. Can you direct me to where I can find a generic one please

Sorry, I don't have an example, but I know the basic points.

The letter should be brief. It will seem harsh to you, but it is not cruel. Only a fierce and appropriate defense of your marriage - which will be a refreshing change. It says,

* The affair was an unethical and cruel act, and hurt my spouse profoundly.
* Do not attempt to contact me. I will not have anything more to do with you, ever.

Nothing flowery. You and your spouse must write it together and deliver it together. No cheating and emailing to try and take the letter's edge off. No "I don't want to hurt you, I'll always care for you, I'll miss you" jive.

Surviving an Affair has a sample. There's no need to deviate from it. The purpose of the letter is not to let the affair partner down easy. That's not an option. The affair partner conspired with you to bring enormous pain to your spouse. You were both diminished by it, and have shown yourselves to have serious character flaws in need of repair. There isn't an easy, happy way to end the affair. Suck it up, dude.

I suggest you do this regardless of whether your wife is interested in reconciling with you. It's the first step toward your redemption.

There is no way under creation that any continued relationship between you and your affair partner, even as friends or acquaintances or colleagues, can do either of you one damned bit of good.

Are you willing to never have any contact again with the last gas station cashier you encountered?

Be similarly willing to never have any contact with your affair partner.

Get her out of your life, fix your own broken character, and maybe you can save your marriage.

GC

Bill,

I had a thread awhile back looking for help with a NC letter. At some point, I will learn how to post a link in here with the title of the thread, but until then, I will just use the ol' copy and paste method.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post2793060

That should help you some.