Here, here to Believer.

Quit responding. It's feeding his anger. Nothing you say right now will be okay or make it right. Sometimes the BEST thing to do in this situation is to be quiet. Let him burn himself out.

Hi, fredswife.

Quote:
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AND THE EMAIL I SENT OUT HAS HIM TURNING INTO A NUTCASE RIGHT NOW
=================================

So, it is your fault that he is laying a guilt trip the size of Texas on you?

It is your fault that he can no longer lie about what he is really doing.

Block his emails.

Get a grip if you want help here. You are not nuts. You have done nothing wrong. Embrace the truth.

God bless,
Gimble

Hi, fredswife:

Is it not clear to you that he is trying his very best to control you? He wants to 'put you in your place'.

Get out of his drama. He wrote the play, let him star in all the parts.

Oh, just so you know, you exhibit none of the symptoms that indicate schizophrenia.

You already know the drill. Calm, cool. No grabby/needy/desperate behavior. Let his anger run its course, but let it do that far away from you. Step away from the hissing spitting thing, they bite.

Gimble

Fredswife,

""NOW MY KIDS WHO WERE PLANNING ON SPENDING A WEEK WITH THEIR DAD ARE GOING TO MISS OUT BECAUSE OF ME.""

First of all stop YELLING!! Calm down and realize that Fred (I assume that is his name) is flipping out because his dirty laundry has been hung out the window for all to see. BUT HE DIRTIED THE LAUNDRY!! Not you!

I agree with Gimble, your should block his email. Writing a huge epistle like he did is probably helping him get out all the frustration and anger (and shame and guilt) he feels. He is directing it at you, but it is really at himself.

You really don't need to read it.

Plus, I don't think your kids would benefit from being with their dad right now.

Stay strong and CALM. Take care of yourself, hunker down and let the storm subside.

k

Please don't believe your fighting for your marriage is a mistake. Nor that exposing his affair is the reason his life is in the toilet.

He is tantruming. He is a 3 year old lashing out and since you are only available by email or phone, he wants a response. Let him seethe. You work on yourself and on taking care of your children.

Serene. And strong. You did not make a mistake.

He wants to have all of our financial information now, he is sick of being in limbo and wants to go ahead and get the divorce started.
It is getting so bad, I am scared out of my head.
It has NEVER been this bad and now I don't know what to do.
he had promised that after he got a job we would move to CA, and then work together with a mediator for a divorce.
I was hoping this would buy me some time.
But it is all happeneing much too fast for me

FW, you do not have to help him with the D. Let him do all the work and limit your contact with him. You have NOT done wrong, he has by opting out with an A.

Stop the madness. Now.

There are ways and ways to slow this puppy down. He wants financials. Fine. He does all the legwork. Period. Don't hand this one to him on a silver patter. Dig your heels in girl.

Ok, I know I have to calm down!!
I told him I want us to have a cooling off period, not to contact me for a week.
I am really scared, I should have waited until after I had him sign the papers for the house etc, before I did this.
Now I am totally screwed!
And what about my kids??
They think he is coming for a visit soon, this is really all my fault.
I am feeling guilty, he has made me feel like ******.

He says I embarassed him by slandering him.
The worst part is that I snooped to get information, it was stuipid, and for that I am sorry.
I did not snoop in his emaila, but in hers.
That is why he is so angry.
I actually guessed the password, and this is how I found things out.and was told by him this is called phishing, and I can go to jail for that.That OW wants to press charges against me and plans on doing so.So now he says I am a criminal.
I was a f-ing desperate woman, after being lied to for months and months.
I do not have money for an attorney.

Calm down. I highly doubt they can do anything about you reading her email. I mean, you guessed the password. That she was so stupid to make it an easy one goes along with character, right.

What proof do they have that you opened her email? Hard copy or just word of mouth.

She's gonna have a devil of a time convicting on that....any lawyer worth his salt is gonna tell her that...and if they are really worth their salt they are gonna tell her to quit fooling around with married men.

You did not embarass him. HE embarassed him. Big dif. You did not DO the actions...you called attention to them.

But keep out of her mail. That's a gimmie.

And quit responding to him. Let him know you'll let him talk to the kids, but YOU won't be talking to him for at least a week. And stick to it.

- Kimmy

I don't recall...what "proof" did you have of the emotional affair?

It sounds like he's doing his level best to get the focus OFF of the EA and back onto YOU...don't let him do that if you've got the evidence you need, regardless of how you got it.

QUOTE-
I don't want to harm you, so leave me alone.
-END QUOTE

Stop communication with this FOOL immediately. If he wants something, let him figure out how to deal with it. When he calls, hang up. Block his number. Whatever. Change your email and quit checking the old one. He has nothing to say. Send him a Plan B letter immediately.

FW, you are feeding on the drama. It's time to stop. Based on your writings here...you are not holding it together at home. You need to slow down. It doesn't change over-nite, it takes some time. Stabilize, demonstrate he is really a 'perk' in life at this point if he comes back...you are gonna be fine without him. The way he is talking about you demonstrates that he can not handle a woman that has confidence in herself. You need to become that woman. He needs to fear you.

It's only fair you also post on here the emails you are sending to him...

Yes, this was a terrible mistake...by HIM. Don't let him blame you for all the problems in the M and for making HIM look bad? Puhleeze, he is doing a good enough job...and somehow if he can convince you what YOU did was wrong, then he can stop some of the guilt he feels...

Keep up the good work. Pat yourself on the back, some folks expose and don't hear anything, or the WS is able to stop the leaks in their fantasy bubble...sounds like he's having a hard time...not your fault.

Hi, fredswife.

Please explain something to me.

How is it your fault that he has a girlfriend, an infidel that he routinely stays with?

How is it that he can have relationships with other women while you are excluded?

How is it that you can be crazy and still be in charge of your children and household?

Why are you convinced that you need mental help?

Why do you think you have made a huge mistake?

Why do you think your children are suffering?

I don't want to know what HE thinks, I want to know what YOU think.

Oh and one other question, how many other 'girlfriends' has he had in the past 20 years that he took out to lunch, dinner, weekend trips, etc..?

Gimble

He just sent another email, he is filing for a legal separation today, he is on his way to the legal clinic.
He has had enough of me, i never made him happy and no i have pushed him over the edge.

I think you are getting nasty now and I am suspicious of your motives.
I want to know the reason you are asking about our assets.
I will be more then happy to provide you with this information once you tell me why.
I think at this time it would be best if we cease all communication unless it has something to do with the children.
If you are putting together a plan of action to have divorce papers filed then I think you are being underhanded.
You promised we could do this via mediation after the move to California.
I completely understand why you are angry with me right now.
I am very sorry that things got to this point.
I am not a thief, I have not stolen anything from you or the family.
I have not lied to you.
Have I been manipulative, yes.
Have I tried to do things my own way, yes.
Has it always backfired on me, yes.
Please call Dr.XXXXXXXX and ask her about my session yesterday.
All of these issues were brought up then.
I have not resorted to calling you any names, and you have said more then plenty about me today.
I need to have peace with you.
The damage is done.
Please consider what is in the best interests of the children right now.
I do not think an equitable split is even worth talking about until you get a job.
You told me one thing at a time.
Job first.
Sale of house.
Move to California.
Then the divorce.

my emails to H

If he hasn't been a resident for California for 6 months, then he can't file. Also the State of California probably doesn't have jurisdiction since your house, you and kids are in another state.

If you get served with anything, be sure to respond. However I think this is just more of his B.S. If there is a legal action, he will have to go to work to support his family.

The Uniform Divorce Recognition Act is a law drafted by a committee and adopted by seven states that governs when a state recognizes a divorce from an out-of-state court.

The goal is to provide national standards to deny recognition for "quickie" divorces.

It provides that the divorce will not be recognized if:


You never give up your home in the original state; and
You return to the original state within 18 months of the date you left; and
You lived in the original state within 12 months of the date of filing.
The states adopting this act are: California, Nebraska, New Hampshire, North Dakota, Rhode Island, South Carolina, and Wisconsin.