FROM The Prodigal's Perspective - (book by Bob Steinkamp)
"Did you really want Charlyne to find someone else after your divorce?"
No, I did not, nor have I ever talked with a prodigal who seriously
desired that their one-flesh mate find and become involved with
someone else. They may exist, but I have never encountered a prodigal
whose heart-felt desire was that someone else take their place. I do
know, however, scores of prodigals who went haywire when their
abandoned spouse began to date.
Why then, do we prodigals carry on about our abandoned mates finding
someone else, and getting on with life, when we do not really mean it?
To alleviate our own guilt. We attempt to justify that if our spouse
was involved with someone, we would not appear as guilty to family, to
friends, and even to God.
The area of someone else is make-it or break-it territory for the
stander. You have a grand opportunity to wear your ring, and to
declare in word and in action that you are married. You also have the
dangerous opportunity to do possibly irreparable damage to your stand
by doing anything that is near dating. Needless to say, dating to
make your prodigal jealous is like throwing a match into gasoline. It
simply will not work.
Early one Saturday morning while we were divorced, I called our home
to arrange to pick up our children for the day. A man answered with,
"Charlyne's home." He refused to tell me who he was, or why he was
there. He also refused to allow me to speak with "my wife," as I
referred to Charlyne during that call. We will not be discussing my
reactions, nor what I was thinking. It later turned out that two
church families, who knew Charlyne was having a hard time, had come
that morning to help her around our home. The ladies had gone with
Charlyne to purchase supplies, while the men started on minor home
repairs. When the phone rang, one of them had answered. Until that
day, perhaps like your spouse, I had been encouraging Charlyne to
start dating. Not until I thought that had happened, did I really
come to know my own heart on this matter.
The Lord worked all this out, according to His timing, and without
Charlyne's help. If you attempt to make your spouse jealous, I can
promise disastrous results for everyone involved. Just ask the woman
who hung men's clothing on her clothesline and damaged her reputation,
or the one who had a relative park different cars in front of her home
until the police took notice.
Once again, if you want to be like Charlyne, go out of your way not to
become involved in anything that could make your prodigal spouse
jealous. If God can sustain this entire world, right down to each
individual, He knows and can carry out what is best for your family's
restoration. -R.E.S.
From: Rejoice Ministries (in a Charlyne Cares devotional)
WHAT DO PRODIGAL SPOUSES THINK ABOUT? (June, 2000)
We think about how happy we could be with someone else.
We think about how our mate nags us (but that is not really true).
We think about how to leave home without hurting our spouse.
We think (and act) tough, otherwise this thing would kill us inside.
We think like a teen-ager again.
Strange, but we think about how to mold that other person to be
just like the mate we are walking out on.
We think about right and wrong, and about God, and we justify what
we are doing.
We think about sin.
We think about sex.
We think about our spouse.
We think about being single (yet that seems so strange).
We think about being trapped by that other person.
We think how we hope our kids never do what we are doing.
We think about home.
We think how foolish we are.
We think about family times.
We think how much we wish that other person would go away.
We think about death (and about Heaven and ******).
We think how disappointed our family must be in us.
We think how disappointed our Heavenly Father must be in us.
We think about going home-so simple yet so complicated.
We think about that mate who is praying for us and things seem OK.
We think about talking to someone about going home, but we never do.
We think about being with our spouse when we we are with someone else.
We think we heard from God (but probably not, the way I am living).
We think about home.
We think about wanting just to hear our mate's voice and laughter.
We think about praying, but feel too guilty for God to ever listen.
We think we heard from God again.
We think how we could go home. It seems so simple now.
We think about that message we are hearing from God, in a hundred
ways, over and over and over again.
We think how much our spouse has changed and wonder if it would work.
We think about how unhappy we are in a counterfeit lifestyle.
We think we heard God tell us to go home!
We think about being forgiven by God and a loving and standing mate.
We think we just heard the mate that we once trashed say, "You are
welcome here." (Your home will never look better than on that day!)
We think less and less about that other person (but it takes time).
We think how God could use us some day to keep other couples out of
the mess that we survived.
We think how grateful we are for a mate who would not forget us
and, "get on with your life," as everyone suggested.
We think about our right relationship with Jesus Christ.
We think that our mate wrote the book on forgiveness.
We think (and we know) that being at home, loving the Lord and a
covenant mate is pure joy.
God bless you,
Bob Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries
PO Box 11242
Pompano Beach, FL 33061
www.rejoiceministries.org===================================================================
THIRTEEN YEARS LATER -
It was thirteen years on July 7, 2000 since our remarriage. What
does a returned prodigal think about now? I think about a wife who
would not give up, no matter what I threw at her. I think how for-
tunate I am that she and God continued to love me. I think about
God using us to help more hurting spouses than could have ever been
imagined. I think about the bill we will pay this morning for cas-
sette tapes. (Have you ever thought about the day-to-day expenses
of a ministry?)
