Have any of you experience it when your WS insists they can see no other choice but to divorce and then start to rebuild the relationship?

I think this is the craziest thing I've heard from him yet, but he's steadfast right now. It's like this is what he needs to get a clean slate to start over.

He's also stuck in thinking we never dated before we moved in together. ?? We met online and talked for 3 1/2 months before he moved to where we live now. About 2 months after that, we moved in together, 2 years after that we got married. I'm not sure why he's stuck on this dating thing. He says he wants a divorce and then we can date.

I've been working Plan A for about 3 months now and he's been living with his mother for most of it. We've been "dating" during this time. I thought things were going rather well actually, but now he's brought this new thing up.

DO some people just need to get it out of their system before they can work on things?

I've heard of this before. You're right, it's crazy talk. The divorce is an expensive waste of time if what he really wants is to repair the marriage.

Your's is another example of how on-line romance is all messed up.

It's encouraging that your Plan A has met with some success. I would agree with your H that the two of you need a fresh start and move forward, but this can be done without the horror of the divorce. I suspect something else is going on here, but only he knows what that is.

If the two of you are not in marital therapy, you must get into it ASAP. Let the MT flesh out what's really going on with him to suggest something so absurd. He will be told his idea is ludicruous. Insist on therapy and tell him you will date your husband, but never you ex-husband. He's the WS, so he isn't in any position to make unreasonable demands. It's the WS, not the BS, who gets to call the shots during the healing process.

There is only one valid reason for a "trial seperation" and that's to give the couple some time apart so they can cool off, do some personal work, and get ready to do some serious work on the marriage. Well, he's had his seperation and now it's time to get to work. Dating can and should be a part of that, since intimacy must be rebuilt. But it is only one part of the solution. A more improtant part is for him to rebuild trust. Insisting on a divorce and starting again will never accomplish this.

BTW, is he still involved with his OW?

My WW has the same crazy idea...

She tells me that she doesn't want the old marriage back, but only a new one. I suggested to her that we renew our vows, have a new ceremony, etc., but she flatly refuses.

I personally think that she wants the D so she can alleviate some of the guilt of the A, and persue her R with the OM unhindered. Then she thinks if that doesn't work out, she can just come back to me.

I don't think so.

Yet another example of how similar WS' thinking seems to be.


TM

He claims the A is over with the OW. I have no way of knowing for certain but I think it is, especially if he's looking online for new women.

We were in MC for a while but stopped going after he moved out. He's now in IC, but only goes every 2 weeks or so when he feels like it. He really doesn't seem interested in therapy at all if you ask me. I have told him that I felt the MC was working for me and I'd like to continue but his response was he needs to continue his IC and accept himself before he can work on a relationship with me. While that makes some sense, he's not even doing that.

At this point I'm thinking a little more time and space may be needed, at least for me.

Travelin, I guess they all read from the same babbling handbook don't they?

My W had the same idea and it was all I could do. Plan A'd my butt off but it didn't change her mind on the D. Though it DID make her want to pursue something after the D. Now, of course, she feels foolish for the D and all the $$ we had to dish out. But we're together now.