My brother, although a year older than me, is not always the most mature when it comes to relationships. I have come to expect him to be the guy who never has a steady girlfriend, but an entourage of girlfriends. That is just where he is in life.

I was talking to my brother yesterday and he told me something really disturbing. Now, my brother knows about my own A. He has listened to me cry as I tell him how upset I am with myself and the place my stupid actions have brought me to. He hears my pain frequently.

So he started telling me about all of the girls he is "dating" and I listen. He then tells me about this one girl ... he tells me she is apparently not his girlfriend. He says she is married so he only does what you can do with a married woman ... have sex. They don't go out. They just have sex (and he goes into a little more detail than a little sister would ever want to hear).

I don't know why my brother would do this after seeing the pain it has caused me. I don't know why he would share this information with me, especially since the wound of my own poor choices is still fresh. And now I am wondering ... is cheating hereditary? Because it apparently runs in my family.

It is possible that by not having certain positive roll models in the household while growing up could create a self-destructive nature or one that would be willing to not care as much for others and appear very guarded.

People who date many at one time usually do this for two common reasons...

1. Young and just dating
2. Afraid of commitment

Those that are afraid of commitment tend to gravitate to those that will not have them commit there feelings (married people). It is not uncommon for these people to be involved in A becuase they feel safe about not having to commit. I was one of those people in my younger days.

Hopeful...

No doubt my brother is afraid of committment, and he is young (he is 26). As far as the lack of any positive role models, I have talked at length about the impact my family has had on me growing up. Know that my brother is now involved in A speaks volumes about the how my family did, in fact, impact my life.

I just can't imagine that my brother could still do something like that, tell me about it, and in the same breath, asking me how I am doing because of all that is happening. The subject of an A is still a very sore spot with me. It brings back a lot of bad thoughts about my poor choices, and how I continued those poor choices after being confronted.

I don't think sending my brother to the board would be helpful at all, but I wish I could meet this woman and send her here.

First - Your brother is 26 and full of hormones. Men can be pigs and some just don't care what it takes to satisfy the hormones.

Second - Your brother wouldn't come here because in his mind he is doing nothing wrong. When I did it (I was 25) I said the same thing... not my problem. Got my rocks off and moved on with a smile.

Third - Your brother's GF (or WS) will only come here if she thinks she is doing wrong or someone helps to convince her. When I was your brother's age doing the same stuff I would have never helped the woman to stop the A because I got everything I needed. Goodluck with that one.

Today my view is far different for obvious reasons. My FWW had her A and now I'm the H looking at myself in the mirror. Hmmm... what goes around comes around. Talk about karma.
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I know that my brother wouldn't come here, and I know that his gf wouldn't come here either. I think I was more just apalled that my brother would be doing something like this in the wake of my own damaging A, and then actually call me to tell me about it.

I know my family has the best of intentions. He was probably just trying to be his normal self and talk about him having sex (the things I never want to hear my brother say) to get my mind of what is going on in my M, or lack of. But, like most of my family, he is completely clueless when it comes to trying to help a family member who is grieving the loss of her M.