Gadz, 2k me a while 2 remember my own password. Has it really been that long? ...no.

Anyway, that's the news from Lake Woebegone.

My W asked me if I was "busy" this morning, while I was in the 'throom carvin' a twister... ...so I knew something was up.

Anyway, I went 2 see what, and she said that RM just told her he's getting married. So, my first thought is, who contacted who? and why? And my next thought was who 2? xMrs Meat? The GF?

...and my third thought was... ...WHY? Why would someone like that, who never learned jack cheese from their own experience breaking up their own family, get married again?? 2 be happy? Well, not my problem, but I do feel sorry for the fiance.

So. She asked him 2 sign a petition 2 save a local museum. She's gotten dozens of signa2res from others in their field, not all of them very local at all, so if it wasn't that he's RM, it wouldn't have been unusual for her 2 seek his signa2re. But since it is RM, it is nothing but a lame excuse 2 try 2 keep the "friendship" alive.

She cried a lot, and most of what she said is positive, but there were things in what she said that made it clear that the attachment is still strong on her end, at least, and it still isn't clear whether she'd be willing 2 "do whatever it takes" 2 save our marriage... ...or if I care at this point one way or the other.

Don't get me wrong, I'm willing. And I believe it's "right" for me 2 remain willing, so long as she shows a willingness as well. I'm just really tired of all this, and I would frankly be as content 2 pay the guy the $5K and get the ball rolling 2ward a DV as I'd be hunkering down, FINALLY, and working 2ward marital recovery.

At least she told me this time.

-ol' 2long

She cried a lot,

what did she cry about....


ARK

Sounds good to me. Once he is MARRIED, maybe your wife will get more involved in her marriage.

{{2long}} It sucks to see your S cry over someone else doesn't it?

2L,

I have to say that I'm as puzzled as I ever have been about how your wife's mind works.

But yes......it's huge that she came to you and told you this. Maybe it's a good opening to continue to excavate her thinking processes in regards to her affair and her current and future relationship with RM.

How wild to think HE's getting married. What could marriage possibly mean to him? Does your wife know his GF?

I sure hope you don't have to report that you've both been invited to the wedding!!!!

2long,

""while I was in the 'throom carvin' a twister...""

OH MY GOD!! ROTFLMAO!! Way too much info, dude...but very funny.

""but I do feel sorry for the fiance.""

Ask Melody Lane if exposure in this case would be justified.

I think so.

""or if I care at this point one way or the other.""

Down deep in your heart, which is it? It's gotta be one way more than the other, right? When you discover which way, you should pursue it with vigor!!

Don't mean to be telling an old time MBer what to do.

It is such a bummer that the A, and all the crap, keeps coming back to slap us around long after it's over.

k

Maybe this will be it, 2L . . . damn I'd love to hope so.

{{{2Long}}}


slh

It's good for you that he is getting married - I am pretty sure he won't want any contact after the way his life came apart the first time around.

As far as your W crying - I don't even pretend to understand.

I would guess it is not fun to be there when it happens though, and I wonder how you are - because you have been quiet for a long time about your feelings. Or, you have wondered what they actually are, which is the same thing.

I agree that if you can identify your feelings, it will help you know where you are, and where to go next.

Sent mail 2ple of times, but no reply (Q account) You may have problems with it again?

Let me (us) know how the trip went. Been wondering.

SS

'bout "the loss of her good friends", the "loss of the fantasy"... ..."I know it's good that he's found someone he can be happy with, but it hurts when someone you've loved moves on like that"...

That kind of thing.

-ol' 2long

Maybe.

She makes noises, but I've heard noises for years now. I'll believe it when I see it.

-ol' 2long

It used 2. Mostly, it just looked awfully S2PID 2 me this morning, though.

Still, I care that she's hurting. Kind of like a good friend would.

-ol' 2long

CSue:

"it's huge that she came to you and told you this. Maybe it's a good opening to continue to excavate her thinking processes in regards to her affair and her current and future relationship with RM."

I agree that it's huge. We talked about "conflict avoidance" and my invention of the term CACA, for "Conflict Avoiders of CA". She mentioned that she called me on her way 2 OOSP last month when I was at the Burbank MB luncheon, but only told her "I'm with some friends who asked me 2 come up". I said, yeah, that might have felt like CA at the time, but I didn't want anything 2 detract from her trip with HF... ...after all, they went 2 RM's hometown on the trip, but apparently didn't see him while there. Some restraint, then. Just not the "final restraint" that I need - 2 "forsake all others" like she promised 30 years ago she'd do. So, I think she realizes that RM's trying 2 sever their relationship now, but she'd still like 2 be friends or colleagues. I need her 2 WANT NC, because it's good for her.

"How wild to think HE's getting married. What could marriage possibly mean to him? Does your wife know his GF?"

No, she doesn't know the GF, so far as I know.

"I sure hope you don't have to report that you've both been invited to the wedding!!!"

EWWWWwww! I certainly haven't been. I don't think she has, either. Ewww.

-ol' 2long

krusht:

Sorry about the graphics. But it was a pretty weird experience. I'm pretty "regular" in that regard, so she knew I was "busy" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

"""but I do feel sorry for the fiance.""

Ask Melody Lane if exposure in this case would be justified.

I think so."

Well, maybe, but in the off chance that exposure were 2 disrup their wedding plans and the A 2k off again... ...well, I'm done with this drama entirely. Don't care, though I am baffled why RM would want 2 be M'd (apparently still fighting for custody of his sons), and I'm saddened that anyone would want 2 be M'd 2 him. The GF must either be naive or s2pid. Possibly both.

""or if I care at this point one way or the other.""

Down deep in your heart, which is it? It's gotta be one way more than the other, right? When you discover which way, you should pursue it with vigor!!"

Yeah, I gotta explore that.

-ol' 2long

SS:

"I would guess it is not fun to be there when it happens though, and I wonder how you are - because you have been quiet for a long time about your feelings. Or, you have wondered what they actually are, which is the same thing."

Mostly I'm just numb. Even before she told me the news this am, I found myself wondering over the weekend "why didn't I go 2 Oregon instead?" I could have been around like-minded deep-sky gooves the whole time. It was fun when I went up 2 years ago. I had thought about going this time. Why didn't I?

"I agree that if you can identify your feelings, it will help you know where you are, and where to go next."

Responsibility. There. That's what I've been feeling mostly of late. I enjoy when I believe I'm doing things right. Even if it doesn't seem sensible after all this time. Heck, she said again 2 me this morning that she still partly blames ME for her affair, because I didn't meet her needs (and her 2 IC's allegedly concurred with her thinking) , and that she always hoped that I'd just find someone 2 make me happy... ...which launched me in2 a lambast of the "myth" that affairs happen because of unmet needs, or that our spouse is responsible for making us happy. I've ac2ally pondered what it might be like "finding someone else" for several months now - because I know a couple of "someone elses". At least one of those would likely be "interested." But you know? The thought of doing that 2 "someone else" bothers me even more than cheating on my W bothers me - and that's plenty. Hence, I'm baffled that RM would want 2 get M'd again (It makes sense, though, when I remember what a s2pid, selfish 2rd he truly must be).

"Sent mail 2ple of times, but no reply (Q account) You may have problems with it again?"

I haven't checked it in a while, sorry. Been pretty quiet over on iloveulovedotcom, 2.

"Let me (us) know how the trip went. Been wondering."

In spite of this crap this morning... ...STILL... ...and my comments above, I had a pretty decent time. I could do that anywhere, though. ...I coulda stopped by yes2rday. We had lunch just up the hill from you. Wish I had.

-ol' 2long

Over all, though...

I did tell her (again), that I appreciated the difficulty she had in telling me anything this am. She's afraid I'll just get angry and leave. Which I've done. ...and which I reserve the right 2 do again if and when I feel like it... (she can preclude this at any time by forsaking RM for life).

But I won't leave this time. We're going 2 work this out one way or the other. I'm sick of the drama. Real or imagined.

-ol' 2long

Some of the comments she made would really bite.

I don't know how you could take it and not come un-glued.

Maybe it's the quality of the glue?

In spite of this crap this morning... ...STILL... ...and my comments above, I had a pretty decent time. I could do that anywhere, though. ...I coulda stopped by yes2rday. We had lunch just up the hill from you. Wish I had.

It's hard when you are with someone. Not too sure how she would feel meeting some one from MB.

Next time call me and tell me where you are so I can just walk in. Then I'll stare, and walk up and say "2long? 2longs W? Is that you guys? I can't believe I would run into you here, this far from home. How is S? How's the house coming?

Then I'll just walk away and let you explain who I am after I leave. It would be fun. Kinda.

There is a lot I could say, but you already know it. I'll let it be.

Did you get mad, or did you just soak it up?

Hope the boots feel good?

SS

SS:

That's a good idea. It'd be kind of fun. I'll try that if I ever head that way again. Don't ac2ally know if I will now. I certainly don't "need 2", and now at least I know why I wasn't feeling all that positive while I was there.

I didn't get mad at all, this time. I have 2 be careful how I react. She probably reads all kinds of things in2 my expression that aren't there anyway. So, I have 2 show I can respond rather than react. But though that isn't as hard 2 do as it used 2 be, it's not hard precisely because the emotional attachment is fading, I think. I've got so much less of my emotional well-being invested in this M than I ever thought would have been possible, say, a year ago. So, I have 2 remain vigilant even now, maybe especially now, in case she really pulls her head out of her nether regions for good this time.

Boots feel great. I used them over the weekend.

-ol' 2long

Yes, it would have been really tough. I almost said "glad it was you, not me."

That is not really true. I am sorry it was you, but I am still glad it wasn't me.

Work is good?

SS

Work is good, though there are rumors of massive layoffs coming up. Hm...

-ol' 2long

I don't know enough about it to know what the money situation is.

I would guess you don't like internal politics so you may not talk much about it either.

Whatever happens, I hope it goes well for you.

SS