My H and I have been in "recovery" for a month, but he has only agreed and stuck with the NC for 2 weeks. His A only lasted about 2 months.
So far its going ok. He says he loves me. But he is still in the fog of it all. And he is dealing with depression too. (which I feel somewhat lead to the affair).
Im just wondering how others have dealt with the constant fear and loneliness. My H and I do things together and with our children, but we just arent connecting yet. I feel like Im totally alone..he was and is my only true friend. My family lives FAR from us...and what few friends I did have think Im stupid for staying. Im constantly afraid that he will stop caring and leave..that he will think IM not worth the effort anymore.
How can I stop this?? I try to stay busy. Im a stay-at-home mom in a very small community..so there isnt a ton to do. I know that I need to be cheerful, and the best wife I can be now...its just hard and really getting to me.
Any advice??? THANKS

Welcome Sgshep,
You have come to the right place for comfort, sympathy and more importantly great advice.
The seasoned posters will help you immensley. Affairs by themselves bring on deppression as well as when the w/s stops contact with o/w. The w/s goes through withdrawels, and can be moody, angry and depressed. Don't give up on your marriage. Friends and family members often tell you to get rid of the wandering husband. Come here for your advice and support. I know exactly what you are talking about when you say you are dealing with loneliness and fear. Oh my goodness, I would have fear wash over me, everytime reality would hit me. I think it was the shock of it all. Just like when you loose a loved one, and you forget for awhile and then bam! you would be doing normal things and then remember that your husband has had an affair and the fear would just wash over me. I kept telling my friend at college, I can't stand the fear. I will tell you friend, it does get better.

Keep us updated,

Sincerely,
K.D's Heartbreak

Hi sgshep,

Sorry you need to be here.

About the fear, it's important to realize that one aspect of the fear is not knowing - not knowing what is going to happen, not knowing how you are going to live if what you most fear does happen.

In short, ignorance feeds fear.

So, I recommend you go see a lawyer and find out what you could expect in the event of a divorce. For me, doing that gave considerable relief.

Also, action can drive fear away. When you are just sitting, waiting for somebody else to act, so you can react, you have no control. Take control. Figure out some actions which work for you, and carry them out. Surprise him.

Imagine that you are alone, and begin to do those things which build you up. If your H is trying to save the marriage, don't ignore him or beat him up, but keep doing things that build you up. Things do happen - even in small towns, if you make them happen. (I'm not doing much of this myself right now, but when I have, it has gotten my w's attention).

When you know your situation and can anticipate and plan for the most likely eventualities - and are making decision and carrying out your own plans, you will feel empowered and the fear will melt away.

-AD