Hi-
Just got laid off from job- they sent accounts to other countries- Lost my mom in May- as you know husband left- shacking w/ other woman.
I joined church- baptised in May and it seems like my life has
quickly gone down hill. Not that Im saying getting saved was wrong- it has helped me. It seems like all im saying and dong is the wrong things to WS- (too needy, loving, being taken advantage of) I evven had some pretty scary suicidal thoughts this past week.
I havent and wont do it- i have 3 kids to love me.
My self esteem and heart are definetly on the ground and Im still trying to see my way out and up from this valley im in.
I keep wanting to believe my WS that he is confused and still thinking all the while hes sexing his mistress, and im home alone to raise the kids we have.
I want to ask Why is this happening tome - is it because I had the thoughts that I want him to suffer like I am - I have forgiven him in my heart.
I want my marraige- and its hard when they tell you I dont want to come home yet. Im still deciding what i want to do. or You know I could just not come over- or you can just tell me get lost it wont hurt me. I keep trying and accepting crumbs.
He told me give me space- Im asking you- if you want to drive me away your doing a good job- but let me come back to you because i love you not that your bugging me.
I wish i knew the secrets of the OW - or the art of seduction so i could use it as she did to get my WH attention.
He says he hasnt closed the door on our marriage and all my "friends " say screw him divorce him - move on. My heart wont let me so here i stand in this waste that is my life now and i want to be happy.
Help me - I need to have some happiness out of all this mess.

I am so sorry. {{{winterkisses}}}

winterkisses: your season will change. Sounds like a terrible time in your life but you will grow and learn from it. TT

Dear Winterkesses, my heart and sympathy go out to you. Just remember our lives are like rides on the rollercoaster, it goes up and then down. Keep in mind that this too will pass, and life will be good once again.
And of course, you always have the support of all your new friends on marriage builders.

I will pray for you and your family.

(((((Big Hug Winterkisses}}}}}

Winter- hang in there...I don't think you necessarily want the OW traits of seduction, as these will wear off shortly and hopefully WH will wake up from the fog. You will be stronger for going through this painful experience, but I know these words are hard to hear, because friends tell me the same thing.

Hang in there, hon. Hugs to you from California. This stuff is completely miserable at first, but I promise you it does get much better. When I first came here and folks told me that I didn't believe it.

My WH is still living with OW, but my life is happier than it has ever been. I'm not one of those crazy people that will say they are glad it happened, but I'm a completely changed person now.

If you get too down, see your doc for some meds.

I will keep you in my prayers as a new believer.

Agree with believer winter. Are you on AD's?
They really do help. In fact I think they should be in the water supply.

bump for winter

Winter.....

Don't know your whole story, but I can definitely feel what you are feeling.

Since D-day (and before, too) I've lost my mom, my dad, a beloved and very old dog and cat. I've been thru about 6 D-days since (WH did move home, but has continued to lie and have renewed contact with OW).

This all stinks, and is very depressing. See your doctor, and get on some AD's. I did for a few months. At the time I was shaking so bad all of the time that I could hardly work. They really helped. After I kind of got things under control for myself, I went off the AD's - mainly because I'm really not a depressed person on a daily basis.

But take heart, things do get better. Some prayer, and some soul searching will do you a world of good. I put off the soul searching and self examination far too long......I was too wrapped up in what WH was doing and not doing. I was too busy trying to change him, when I should have been changing and growing myself.

No one here will tell you this is easy. But you have a huge bank of support and care here.

My thoughts are with you. Grieve your losses. Embrace yourself. Pray much. Take care of your children, and yourself.

(((((((((HUGS)))))))))

K

WK - You were just baptized? Sugar! This is WAR. This is the devil being pissed at you for becoming a lamb of God. He's doing it the only way he knows how - through the manipulation of people he can get to.

So it's war. Are you going to be a casualty of war? Are you going to let old Scratch win?

Your heart is telling you what is right and just. This board is the place to form your battle plan against the infidels.

You must take charge of your feelings and your life. God helps those who help themselves. If you are down, speak to your doctor. God didn't give you and your doc those big brains for nothing...between the two of you, ya'll figure out a plan to wrastle those feelings to a level you can cope with.

You were laid off? Get your butt signed up for unemployement till you can find a new job. That way you still have income coming in. Then, there are search engines for posting your resume and applying online. You can apply in your pj's if you want to (I did).

Everywhere you look, you'll find shoulders and hands up. You HAVE TO LOOK, though. You have to be proactive.

(HUGS)

- Kimmy

WK...how are you doing today...update?

winter--- how goes it today???
mine was good/bad. probably like yours

hi guys-
Its going ok- I did sign up for unemployment immediately. I talked to WH and he siad its going tobe fine- Im paying mortgage and other bills so take time to find the job I want. (this is how my husband use to be) He has come around and asking me how i feel,etc. I give one word answers and say take care of yourself when he leaves.
He has said to me no less than 6 times this week (without me saying anything) Things are changing- and we are going to work things out winter- I do love you. Yeah ok..........
His mom has been talking to him I know about coming back to church so I dont know.

Yes My mil tells me that this is Satan doing all this since I got baptised. She says that God took the blinders off me for me to see what is really going on, and that there are better things out here for me.

I amkeeping that hope.
I have postedmy resume and need to get my home computer fixed- hopefully by thisweekend.
I have treated WH nicely- I dont have it in me right now to be a witch.
My youngest b-day is tommorror so we will go to the Aquarium and go have lunch or a movie.
I spoke with one of my classmates (a Guy) and he explained that all guys cheat - but they should know not to get caught. He has twin 13 mos old- so he says that when he cheats its in another state because too many know him here ( I looked at him and just shook my head)
I know that life does not have to be like this there is no excuse for cheating.
I dont know if my WH will wake up or if hes starting to see the light- but right now I am going to be selfish and think about me. Maybe this is what i need to get out of the valley im in.

I did get a perscription for ad. I hadnt been sleeping and so i am working out more at the gym- my grandmom seems to think I need this rest.
My daugter keeps saying my h is going to come back to us but it wont be in the way I hoped it would be.
(my way- begging, pleading, apologizing,counseling) She says the dream just keeps saying that.My dreams just keep the same thing of waiting/patience.
I dont know if thats real or not?

wk, just hang in there and tell yourself it will get better. I went through something similar when my H of 20 years left me in 1999 for another woman. Not long after he left, my son [18] was killed. The next month my younger son, aged 17, left to live with his dad because I was too "mean." [I took his truck away frm him because he snuck out and got a minor in possession ticket]

I operated in a robotic daze for about 2 years. But I did live through it. Ironically, all that put me closer to God.

Two things that helped me the most were a) daily prayers and b) kick [censored] strenuous exercises. I threw myself in daily exercise and it was such a relief to lose myself in that. I found the toughest cardio and the toughest weight training tapes I could find and just jumped into them. It was the start of a years long habit of exercise. I still work out 3-4X a week.

Winter-good to hear, give the AD some time. My DD says the same things to me bout WW. It's amazing the faith or patience she has, but I guess it's easier for them, beacuse it's a parent who is Wayward, than for us it's our spouse, companion etc. She says mom will come back, and of course I'm lkike for real??
I still wouldn't believe anything he says, as in my circumstance WW gives mixed signa;s all the time, so I've stopped trying to read into her.
Hang in there

((((((((((((hugs)))))))

Winter how are you doing???

Winter, I am so sorry all of these things are happening to you. My heart goes out to you. Please take care of yourself.