We are officially 9 days from D day. I have been horrible all day. Saying things i dont need to say to him.Lord if i dont get a grip Hes going to run back to her!!! Im trying hard not to be angry , it just keeps coming back. I dont think hes being honest with me about some things an talking to me very little. I tell myself im going to be nice an kind an caring, then poof the anger is back an ive messed up agin. Just going minute to minute at this point . Has anyone else gone thru this??

Oh Boy have I.
Before you say anything, run to the boards and use us as your sounding board before you approach your husbands about things. That way you will have a rehearsal and be better prepared to not commit LBer's. I was lucky, I had a girlfriend that had both feet on the ground and she would talk me out of shooting myself in the feet. She told me tape my mouth shut if I have too. Lol.

Probably you should start taping your mouth shut, or maybe being away from him. I just couldn't do it. When my husband was lying so much, it made me furious.

I know I am waiting for him to come home now . Am i not supposed to talk about R with ow at all. that is hard as i seem to want details. I quess I want to know what she is doing to keep him interested. I just want to turn this around. This has been so stressful. I know tomorrow will be better day. He did go get application for another job today. It would mean him being away some over nite . Can i trust him to do that at this point???

At this point, it isn't your H you are talking to. You are talking to WH, who is someone completely different. We've all been through this.

In the beginning, you will have a lot, and I mean A LOT of bad days. It gets better as you go along. Any day that isn't a bad day seems like a victory.

Set yourself a few ground rules to make your life sane. Here's what I do: I assume my WH is always lying. Unless he can prove that it's true, I figure it's a lie. I also always assume that unless WH is with me or provably at work, he is with OW. Strangely, it's comforting and I'm never tempted to drive by his apartment. Practice Orchid's reverse babble. She's a master at it.

Not talking about relationships when you are with them is 'way difficult. We BS are hurting so much that it just spills over. One thing that I've done is to tie a piece of yarn around my wrist. It's like tying the string around your finger but more functional. When I'm in that situation and I feel the need to talk about the affair or our marriage, I look at the yarn. it helps me to remember. If I need to, I tug at the yarn. That seems to relieve some of the physical need. Kind of like worry beads.

You may never know everything or anything about WH's A. If your WH ever mutates back into H, perhaps you'll get some answers. Don't torture yourself with it. Try to move through it.

Like everybody says, use us as a sounding board. It's stopped me from many a million, horrible mistakes and LB.