I am really angry tonight and not with the WH for a change. I just need to get it all out so I can finally sleep. I am angery with my BIL. Some of you may not know this but money has been in short supply around here and I strech it as far as I can go with it. I only have enough for the bare min as of now. Well here is what happened.

I am a proud women and it is very hard to ask for help in the money dept. But my MIL has helped me a lot over the last few months. Just stuff like helping me with my deposit on my new place and with utility deposits, Bought me some groceries and some gas money when I needed it. So today I was hoping that I could get some gas since I get paid tomorrow but i couldn't check would not clear. Trouble Already pumped the gas so I figure I will bite the bullet and ask MIL for the 25 dollars for gas called her cell no answer so I call he home and BIL answers. Did not want to get in to it with him or anything but he got ugly and acted like I was milking for money now mind you every dime I borrow will be paid back as soon as I am able that is the agreement with MIL.
Starts acusing me of it being my fault. But hey I guess I asked my husband to walk out and leave me with a mountain of debts and barely any income. I had no job. I guess I asked him to not come through in his financial oblagations to his children. I guess I asked for him to decide his well being is more important then the children he left behind. What a crock I have been treated like crap from day one I work 2 jobs not because I like it I have to. I don't have a choice about taking care of my kids. They come before me and if i need to borrow a little money to make it through so be it. I have to do the begging and that is really hard for me to do. I would rather crawl over broken glass then to ask for help. But i guess he doesn't know that and his brother is such a saint for putting up with me.

God knows I only gave hm a decent home, he never had to worry about the bills, he never had to worry about the kids or his grandfather.He never worried about the farm or anything else except when he was due to work or meet up wih his girlfriend behind my back. I guess I am a bad person because I expect him to pay his child support like a decent father would. but then again a decent father wouldn't have walked out on his wife and kids. And this whole train wreck is my fault. Wh doesn't have any bills to pay just gas and food. So why is it so hard to pay child support.

Well i was just stund by BIL words and just told him that I didn't need to hear that from him. I felt like ripping him up and down but didn't. So I called a good friend of mine to borrow the money and she brought it no questions asked and was happy to do it. I would like to know why he seems to think I got it so easy. When there is no extras in this house unless you count the once in a while I let the kids have dinner out and then they eat not me. Does it look like my daughters have all the things money can by when others had to by her school clothes. I had to scrap up the money for some of her school supplies and others bought her the rest. The only entertainment if you can call it that is church and that is more for spirtual growth 3 times a week. Oh yeah we are living high here. It took my whole paycheck this week to pay my rent and phone bill. mind you the phone bill was only 27 dollars. the rest went to rent.
I was so angry I could have clocked him. He lives at home no job, so whay is he being such an A$$ to me. humm. what have I done but the moral right things.

Your title pretty much says everything. Yes, many of us here are night owls because of our WS. I've posted numerous times in the late nights and got about 2-4 hours sleep everyday for the first 5 weeks.

Sorry for your trouble.

Could it be that he is afraid that you are getting money that his parents could be spending on him???? Its amazing how possesive adult children can get over their parent's money.
I have so much respect for you. Hold your head high, you have nothing at all to be ashamed of. Working two jobs is so commendible.
Sounds like mom and dad are enabling your bil.

yep that they are and i am a bad person for even sugestiong someone else might need help before him. I don't sleep much anyway and it has been that way from the beginning if I get 5 hours a night i consider that good. but some nights it is only 3 and this has been going on for 3 months since this whole mess started.
I guess Wh must be sleeping well with his choices while the rest of us suffer.

J,

I can relate to your sleeplessness, I have been running on about 2 hours of restless sleep a night for about 6 months now. I guess I have kind of gotten used to it. I have lost 63lbs in that 6-7 months as well. (fortunately it is a good thing, not that I was extremely heavy but I am looking and feeling a lot healthier now). I have many nights including last night where I am so angry, anxious or depressed sometimes all of them together and sleep just won't come. In my case I pay all of the bills at the family home that I am only allowed to live in Friday thru Monday, while my WW takes off and lives it up on the weekends, not having to work, and she still calls me and complains about not having enough money. While I am going with out, not eating but one meal a day, not having gas money and not being able to have a social life at all because my entire paycheck goes to supporting the Family that I am not being allowed to have. In the mean time I live in my RV in limbo, while she has the OM staying in my home from time to time and then on Friday takes off to live care free. Seems very unfair doesn't it. I get through it one day at a time and continue to do what I must to change the curerent situation legally or otherwise and know that in the end I will be better for it with or with out her. Keep your faith and stay strong...

R.

yes guys it is a rough road hung up on WH 3 times tonight and i refuse to listen to his stuff about I am being selfish and he has a right to see the kids when ever he demands to. Well position is 9/10th's of the law and my attorney advised me not to allow the children to go with him. Advised supervised visitaion until I had something in writting. And I am sticking to it. Will be filing in court soon to get child support enforced with a court order. I am also seeking sole custody and shouldn't have any trouble getting it with his eratic behavior as of lately I am a little afaid of him he is really unstable lately. I may need to get a restraining order to protect my self against him. Bur we will see I have laid down the law and he doesn't like it I sould not have been talking to him tonight at all. But it was suppose to be about the kids and he turned it into about him and his needs.