Either I'm doing a stellar Plan B or WH just doesn't give a care. In the 3 weeks I've been in it, there hasn't been any contact. Okay, there was that chance meeting with WH and a person who was more than likely slimeball OW. But there wasn't even an opportunity to talk to him before he turned tail and ran off like a rabbit. The only other chance of contact was headed off through an email through my intermediary.

I've learned not to ask my kids about their dad. it disturbs the peace of Plan B. Anything I learn just makes me angry. I don't know if that means I still love him or I'm just pizzed off...

I'm moving along quite nicely. I now have a job that I really like. It doesn't pay particularly well but I have full benies, a great retirement plan, perfect hours and no responsibilities to take home at the end of the day. It fits into my 5 year plan. I'm trying to figure out what to do with all WH's crap that he left I'm slowly but surely redoing the house to be how I want it to be. DD and I are getting used to being a household of 2.

The week after next, I have an appointment with a lawyer. I'm not quite sure what to do at this point. Is it a good time to file a form separation agreement? And just what exactly does that entail? At this point, our finances have just stayed the way they've always been. His check goes into our joint account and bills are paid from there.

I know the general advice is to stay in Plan B for like a year. The lawyer, who is probably unfamiliar with MB practices, will probably want me to start the divorce (oh my God, did I actually type that!) stuff. I'm pretty good at saying "No" but perhaps it would be good to have the retainer in place.

WH is immersed in his work project right now. In the near future, he will be leaving for a business trip to the Far East for probably a month. It was during the same type of trip last year that he started his A. I don't believe reality will really hit him until he's back from that and the work pressures lessen. He won't have work to consume his time.

So, where do we move from this point? Would it be good to have a separation agreement? In my Plan B letter, I told him that there wouud have to be NC with OW and joint counseling before things between us could change...as in, I'd come out of the darkness. If the fog never lifts, do I just have him served when I've had enough?

It's been a year since I had a husband. It's taken me a while to work through the stages. Ya'alls advice has served me well up to now. Now what?

grapegirl,

You sound like you are in a good place. You've removed yourself from the triangle and the chaos of WH's vacillation. You sound like you are on solid financial ground and WH isn't pulling any bad tricks there. Were I you, I would use that lawyer appointment to inform myself about legal separation, but I would hold off on going that route as long as it was not necessary for me. What advantage would it bring? What animosity might it inspire?

As you know, I myself am still in Plan A ... one of the vets may inform you otherwise.

Glad to see you doing so well. It gives me encouragement. Plan B is just around the corner for me.

How long did you plan A grape? Just curious...
You sound as if you are doing quite well in B, almost makes me wonder if it would be better for me to go there myself.

Grape-

I can totally relate to the whole "year without a husband" thing.

You sound so good, so strong.

It sounds to me like your plan B is working just the way it should, you are getting stronger, and you are trying not to care about what your WH is doing.......good job so far.

I think the separation agreement would be prudent, and if you have the funds, I'm sure it would be a good idea to at least retain the attorney.

I'm still here at the house, fighting for my dang sanity....it's getting pretty bad, as I'm coming very close to being emotionally removed from the sitch.....it seems like ever since my anniversary (Which was horrible) something just clicked inside me, and I just don't care anymore........which means I have GOT to get out of here before my love bank is bone dry.

As I said in my post to Dani, I am still hung up on the marriage I had......the way it was in the beginning.....it's all that I am holding on to, and I'm losing my grip on that.

We've even been fighting about whether or not I should be sleeping in the bed.....he keeps telling me he doesn't want me in there, and I've slept on the couch once since Labor Day (It blew up major on Labor Day.....no LB's from me....plenty from him though). He has begun calling me his favorite nickname (B*tc&) on a regular basis, and it really doesn't bother me.....considering the source.

He's taken to not letting me go to sleep.....he does that when he's mad, he'll turn the TV up full blast and turn the lights on.....I completely ignore it, and it drives him nuts......but I'm not taking the bait, he can go **** himself. (Not great for the whole sleeping thing though).

Before when we were separated, I just pined for him.....I didn't sleep all night long, I just layed there and cried......things have changed, I know that when I move (hopefully in the next week) it will be a relief....I can't live this way anymore......(I know you can relate).

I still don't want my marriage to end, but maybe that's being too romantic.........I plan on stalling the divorce as long as humanly possible.....or until I get tired of dealing with it.......either way, I know that you and I have done everything in our power to save our marriages, now it's time to let God take over.......he'll always do what is best for us.

God Bless You Grape, You're doing great!!!!

-Caren

Caren- hang in there girl..I know what you mean by LB on labor day, actually I hate holidays right now.
I think WS just do othings to trigger us BS, as in turning up tv, lights, etc. Don't bite and be strong

Ugh agreed, holidays bite.....Sorry for the threadjack Grape....you're doing great!!!

-Caren