Hi guy's

I lost my original posting so Im posting again, don't know what I did wrong but its lost. I have been reading this website every since the 1st of the year and now I've decided to post, very serious situation that requires some advise. I've been married for almost 10yrs and we have 1 child together and was planning to have another this year. Earlier during the year I discovered my H had an A with a co-worker and had been having it for 2yrs+. Of course I was very shocked because this has never been his character even though we had been having some problems for the last 3yrs. Anyway after d-day he apoligized/cried and claimed he was sorry and it wouldnt ever happen again; but it did. Couple of months later came d-day#2; right after things between us had gotten better than ever; same person. This time it totally knocked me off my feet because I had put so much into it and I reacted in away I so now regret. My problem is now is that I don't feel much love for him .Right after d-day 2 I found interest in someone else who has expressed great interest for some time now. He bought back the person I really am always laughing and joking and just having a good time together like me and my H used to do; we never spent anytime alone outside of work because I didnt want to #1 disrespect my M? and #2 mislead him because he wanted so much. We just enjoyed one anothers company at work. Anyway I told my H about this guy after he called my cell late 1 night and he has never let me live it down. Although I ended it immediately he say's I too had an A and is now seeing how it feels to be in my shoes, and even though I agree with him bibically, I feel he is just trying to put me in the same sinking boat as he is. Although my H has expressed his need for our M and this family Im still not truly convinced that he's real. Ive expressed my need for a truthful, honest and faithful M and I not sure he's that person anylonger. He has never told me that he wanted the OW over me but I wonder even though he claims the reason it happened the 2nd time was because he was in to deep which really amounts to "I liked having my cake and eating it to" He understands now that I refuse to continue in this M with the OW as an issue. He says that it's not worth him losing his family and I agree. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am a very desireable woman;a good mother and one thats hard to find because I strive daily for this image to please him and because it's what makes me happy; so yes it would be a sad lost. Is it possible he's telling the truth now? We've started going to MC and he's participating but Im still not sure if I want to believe in him; it just seems easier to let it go but after all of this happened I left my good job figuring he could take the extra money he found to have an A with and make up for my 1/2;he makes a nice enough salary to compensate. Shortly after he the A he told me he wanted to relocate to another city and start all over so he has a realitor getting our home ready to sell, but I'm just not feeling it anymore. Its hard to trust him and not to mention the nightmares I keep having about him and the OW; last night I dreamed he had moved her into the same apartment complex as us so that he could have easier access to her/ and we dont even live in an apartment. Boy was I glad to wake up and find that not to be true!


What should I do?
and Did I have an A?
Is the OW even an issue? Is this something I should be concerned about after 2yrs? ...feelings for her?

Tell me the truth even if it hurts!

Hi Kenda,
I know how tough it is. I'm glad you have stopped the attraction thing to the o/m. Doing that would make things so much more complicated, especially if your goal is to save your marriage. I am new at this, so I really don't have any advice to give, just wanted you to know you are in good company, with a lot of seasoned posters here that are very competent at giving advice. Isn't it the pits that the men we thought were so honest, overnight become liars and cheaters and adulters. I'm so sorry for your pain.

Sincerely,
K.D's Heartbreak

Welcome to marriagebuilders. I'm glad that you decided to start posting. It sounds like what you had was a beginning emotional affair. But you had the good sense to stop before it became a threat to your marriage.

Your husband had a 2 year physical affair, and then went back for more after D-day. So he didn't try to protect the marriage.

I would not see the OM anymore and try to work on the marriage. Your husband is going to need to put a lot of effort into having you trust him again.